Posted on 08/29/2015 11:37:09 AM PDT by nickcarraway
Lisa – not her real name – said she met her first husband when she was a 21-year-old college student. She thought he was funny and driven and when he proposed, she believed she was making a "mature decision by marrying for the right reasons."
Those good feelings didn't last long.
"By our second anniversary, I was 23 years old and we had completely stopped having sex. My husband was deeply depressed and no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn't getting better, and he wasn't showing any signs of desire or intimacy. Even though I knew the problem was with him, it sent me into a self-doubting spiral that eventually made me assume something was wrong with me," said Lisa, who lives in Alabama.
Lisa said the desire for intimacy led to her Ashley Madison, the website that carries the slogan "Life is short. Have an affair." Earlier this month, data from millions of users – including Lisa's – was posted online by hackers. The fallout from the hack has been massive, with government officials, celebrities and others appearing on the Ashley Madison list. Many have denied ever using the service and since the website had no way of verifying users' emails, proof can be hard to obtain
The hack has already resulted in one lawsuit in which users allege Ashley Madison didn't fulfill promises to eraser user profiles in exchange for an additional fee and on Friday, Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison's parent company Avid Life Media, resigned.
There have also been questions about the website's claim that as many as 30 percent of Ashley Madison users were women. The leaked data shows only about 5 million – or 15 percent – of the website's 35 million users were women.
Lisa said she was one of them. She set up an anonymous email and set her profile location to a larger metropolitan area where she lived. Soon, the connections starting coming in.
"It was sneaky and exciting, and it felt good every time a potential connection showed some interest," she said.
worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished. Lisa eventually met Paul, a married man who was 15 years older than her. After weeks of cyber flirting, the two met for drinks in a neighboring town then went to a hotel room where they had sex.
"In one night, over a year's worth of self-doubt and fear totally vanished," she said.
Lisa met her Ashley Madison connection a few more times before deciding to officially separate from her husband. She continued to use the website to meet other married men and to have affairs. Most of the men, she said, told her they loved their wives- "who, in their pictures, were prettier and skinnier than me" – but were bored by their sex lives and used the affairs as a way to spice up their lives.
Lisa's motivations are exactly what Biderman described in a pre-hack interview. When asked why women would join Ashley Madison, he said it was all about "being the object of desire."
"Someone thought you were the greatest thing and wanted to spend their life with you. Ripping that away from someone feels awful. Now they don't even want to look at you, touch you, talk to you. But you have economic stability — A home. Kids. Family. You don't want to walk away from that just because you feel less than desired. People think, "I'll just put myself out there in an anonymous way." They want to rekindle that object of desire," he said.
After a period of time that appears more "Sex and the City" than wine and roses, Lisa met the man who would become her second husband. They didn't meet on Ashley Madison but he was married, though she said the union was "crumbling" before she came into the picture. The two wed and are happily married.
"He knows that I cheated on my ex, and he still trusts me," she said.
Lisa said she deleted her Ashley Madison account but, like many users, her data was still included in the leak. She said it was frightening to know her information is available to the public but credits her time on Ashley Madison for helping her leave an unhappy marriage and start over again.
"Without my affair, I wouldn't have the rock solid marriage I have now," she adds.
"Lisa," lives in Alabama and asked AL.com not to use her real name. She contacted AL.com after reading the story of "Mark," an Alabama man who recounted his time on Ashley Madison. She has written a first-person essay of her experiences on Ashley Madison which you can read here.
“He knows that I cheated on my ex, and he still trusts me,” she said.
Fool.
Sounds like a made up story to me. Who would want to have sex with an unfaithful wife? AM was a hatchery for STDs.
“He knows that I cheated on my ex, and he still trusts me,” she said.
Then he’s a fool - liars & adulterers never change.
her husband lost all interest...at age 23.
I wonder if the husband was gay?
Reminds me of Penthouse Forum.
“Lisa”, honey, it could still be you. For a report like this, we need to have her ex- to tell his side of the story.
Why would a young (I presume) ‘funny and driven’ guy turned into a deeply depressed person after two years of marriage?
“.... no matter how hard I tried to fix him, he wasn’t getting better, and he wasn’t showing any signs of desire or intimacy ....”
What do you mean ‘no matter how hard I tried to fix him’, did you give him some personal space and privacy? Did you go through marriage counseling to hear his side of complaints?
No, dearie, you just decided you needed to feel being desired all the time.
If the marriage was troubled, I can see he would lose interest in sex with HER, not necessarily lose interest in sex altogether.
I have little sympathy for her. No matter how hard she tried to fix him??. Where in the hell does she get off deciding that she has to fix him?? Where do women get the idea that they need to “fix” the men in their lives???
Flame away.................
no flaming from me. No one can fix someone else. That was one of many redflag lines in her story. That, and the assumption that he needed “fixed” in her mind. I still don’t fully believe a 23-year-old lost all interest in sex for no reason. It’s just her potentially-delusional version. And...it’s just HER.
Well, sooner or later you and your flavor-of-the-month adulterous husband are going to be sick of each other, too. Then what?
It would be almost comical if it wasn’t so tragic to hear accounts of how being unfaithful to their spouse improved their lives.
How many families have been ripped apart with spouses and children traumatized by affairs?
Actually, that isn’t necessarily true.
Women very have been known to want someone younger or better looking than they can easily attract. Especially if they have had several kids and haven’t taken care of their bodies.
Or they may desire stamina or some specific physical characteristics.
They may have to go to some lengths to get that.
Scripture says that they can.
Not really much of a story.
Trying to FIX someone is the big big mistake. You have to fix yourself. You cannot fix someone else.
That has been an all time favorite of mine, never heard anyone even mention it before. Kewl ( Charlene- I’ve Never Been To Me)
Exactly— changing men does not change your inner self-image, other than a temporary fix..
Interesting. There’s a lot of truth in that.
#FemaleImperative
#RebuildingTheMound
#RedPillTruth
#RideTheCarousel
Cheatin’ slut.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.