Fastest way to get through a border patrol checkpoint?
Yell Allahu Akbar?.................
Say, “I vote for DemocRat”.
I used something similar to this to get quickly excused from jury duty . . . one of those shirt-pocket sized Gideon New Testaments and the ability to quote therefrom.
They asked me how my trip was. I replied “great except I have two sick children with me.”
I was pushed out through without even an inspection of my luggage.
I heard about a guy who was traveling in Mexico and he discovered that he had lost his wallet with all his money and ID.
So, he figured that he should get back across the border ASAP.
He explained the situation to the border guard who expressed his sympathy, but told him he had to prove that he was an American.
The guy said “I don’t like to talk about this, but I have a tattoo of Bill Clinton on one butt cheek, and one of Hillary on the other”.
The guard told him “This I gotta see!”
So the guy dropped his pants and sure enough, there were the tattoos exactly as he described them.
The guard said “I guess you must be an American. So, welcome back to the USA and have a safe trip back to Chicago”.
The guy said “I am from Chicago, but how could you tell?”
The guard said “it was the picture of Obama in the middle!”