Brother, I have been where you are.
If you have to go to court, don’t go before a female Special Master. I did and I’m still paying for it. She was a man-hating feminazi.
Don’t expect your church to understand your decision either. Mine didn’t and still doesn’t.
‘Pod.
Brother, I've had numerous talks with my Pastor about this. (Actually, Pastor, spiritual advisor, three marriage counselors, my own counselor and friends both married and divorced within the church.)
I wouldn't say our church has been supportive, but they've been understanding. I've listened to every perspective, taken to heart advice I thought was good, and through counseling with my Pastor and spiritual advisor done everything I'm commanded to do by God to try and reconcile the marriage.
All of that has failed to sway her away from the behavior that's destroyed our marriage and has left me with no other options.
As my Pastor and spiritual advisor know, my biggest fear is standing before God on judgment day and having to account for my failed marriage. Before I walk away, I had to know in my heart that I did everything I could to save the marriage. I humbled myself before God, asked Him to see myself as He see's me, and to correct those things that needed to be corrected in me.
While I'm far from perfect (and I never will be) I'm not the man I used to be. I will forever be, a work in progress.
Everyone who knows us, says I've changed dramatically over the past several years --- she has not.
Her position has been and remains "If you'd just fix yourself, everything would be fine." She's said that to me in front of three different counselors, and to our Pastor. All of whom have told her it's never just one person's fault and have told her *exactly* where her issues stem from (her sexual abuse as a child.)
She won't listen. She refuses to acknowledge it and how it's affected her life.
It's been 20 years since she told me about it, we've been married 30. I've done my time. I've done all I can. Our children are grown, they understand what's going on. I can't save her (and Lord knows I've waited, prayed and tried everything I can to get her to see) so it's time to save myself and move on.
Sucks, but it's what has to be done.