[Steely Tom]

When my son reached the stage that it sounds like your’s is in I remembered something else I learned. I stopped telling (preaching!)and started asking him questions...about anything, everything. It was quite useful. He began having to think his own thoughts, ideas instead of reacting to mine:)

Oh my, that's terrific advice! That's actionable immediately! Very good! Thanks so much.

Back when my son was a freshman in high school, and my daughter was in fifth or sixth grade, we were talking about life and growing up, and I said to my son "one of the ways you'll know you're becoming an adult is when you find that you enjoy doing the things you must do."

My daughter has repeated that back to me recently, and I didn't even know she was paying attention at the time.

That's kind of like your "I HAVE to..." vs. "I GET to..." habit.

[SE Mom]

http://www.kiplingsociety.co.uk/poems_if.htm

I just remembered something else I suggested he read weekly (he insists I used the word “must” read!). “IF” by Rudyard Kipling.