“... I don’t think it’s too much to expect at least a modicum of appreciation..”
You are right, of course. However, let me tell you a “secret” given to me by a Great Aunt. She said, “Moms become legends after they are gone”. Okay.. sounds completely depressing but her point was this: when husbands/kids have great lives, little treats, and so much thought given to THEM.. it becomes “normal”. When it isn’t there... it becomes a great memory. She talked about how her Mom would warm towels before she got out of the tub. How she had a hot cup of tea waiting for her when she came home in the cold. Her regret was never telling her how much she appreciated it when her Mom was there.
Don’t ever think the love you show or the nice things you do aren’t seen... it is just “normal” to them right now. That being said... my advice is this: sometimes you need to show yourself some “appreciation”, too. Honey, go get yourself some flowers or a manicure. There is no crime in patting yourself on the back with a treat. (FWIW... I have a manicure appointment on Thursday. If you lived by me, I’d take you). (((Hugs))) Mom