>>>I think he’s totally right. <<<
You and many others agree with the man in the article. Most guys when the wife initiates the divorce, especially when they have kids, are devastated. Odds are there is another man at that house and I’m not really sure how coming over to celebrate the ex-wife’s birthday with the kids is beneficial. My dad left for another woman. If my mom acted like this I would have viewed it as an act of desperation. I would have lost respect for her.
And just out of curiosity, do you think she reciprocates in a similar manner? You know to make sure the kids know how great bio dad is?
It’s OK to be devastated, but life is filled with devastation, character is in getting over it.
Part of the problem here is you’re piling on assumptions. We don’t know why she filed for divorce. Could be she caught him cheating. Could be he was a hard careerist and she felt abandoned. Could be they were just a crappy couple.
Doesn’t matter if she reciprocates. Actually if she doesn’t it’s MORE important for him to show a positive roll model to the kids since he knows they aren’t getting one over there. And keeping in touch allows him to continue to observe the household, make sure the kids’ living standard is at it should be.
War zone divorces help nobody. Especially the kids as they become the most common weapon in the war. I’m the product of a war zone divorce, I barely keep contact with my mom and none at all with my dad. Neither of them is really worth my time and a lot of that has to do with me as an adult realizing just how much energy they didn’t have to devote to child rearing because they were devoting it to screaming at and sicking lawyers on each other. They decided what was more important to them, and now I’ve decided what is more important to me.
And just out of curiosity, do you think she reciprocates in a similar manner? You know to make sure the kids know how great bio dad is?
____________________________________________
What difference would that make? Who cares if she (or he) reciprocates? The point for any parent is to be gracious and set a good example for the kids.
Remember this: A child sees themselves as half mom - half dad. And if any parent hates (or does not show respect even) for the ex, then that child picks up on that and see that they too also are hated and disrespected.
Be the grown up here. Show love and respect to your ex. Chances are very good that your kids will also be married and divorced, but do the best you can in a bad situation regardless of how your ex treats you.