I submit your logic falls into the latter. Almost, not quite, not certain. Ergo, confused.
Now, you are most certainly a d*ck. Or enjoy them on the sly. I'll leave that determination to some "fuzzy logic".
I'm sure you give oodles to charity. Based on your word. It's true. I don't know you. I run with a decent crowd, therefore I'm sure I don't know you. I suppose I'd have to just take your word for the charity claim. Trust, but verify? Nah.
If your order is prepared by a server who is paid $2.31, tips would be appropriate. That is unless your charitable spirit applies to all, including the panhandlers. Which it likely doesn't because you recoil at tipping.
As for your demands for detailed rationale, forget it. Demand from your spouse or your underlings (if you have any), not from others who view your chintziness as a character flaw.
Your earlier claim that your breakfast/lunch waitress loves you and you tip 50% or so means nothing. Perhaps you spend $10 on a three egg special and $5 doesn't hurt your wallet or coin changer. The claim means little. Perhaps you do so to ingratiate yourself to her and continue to get to ogle her pert bosom. Maybe you don't know it and she merely tolerates you and you think she likes you. Here's some reality: servers always make you think you're something special. It helps them get tips. ;-)
The word “neurotic” comes to mind. I’m done with this absurd logic you have. I don’t tip for picking up a pizza, I don’t know anyone that does, and I don’t know how it is any different for another place. You’re assuming it’s all handled by a server making $2.31/hr.
Assumptions kill.
That you’ve gone so over the top on this topic, to insult repeatedly another member of this site as you have, I’m done with you. Please do not post to me.