Posted on 12/03/2018 5:50:00 PM PST by proud American in Canada
Incredibly dangerous advice. Stop it.
I just left my Monday night AA meeting. It saved my life 15 years ago. Make the most of rehab. You need help, you won’t be able to do this alone. Good thing is help is available. Make the most of it.
It sounds like you were very close to your Dad.
In 1979 my father had a heart attack and died while our family was returning from vacation in Colorado. He was only 58, I was just 16 my brother 14 and my sister was 12 and we were in a strange place far from home. I suddenly found myself as the “man” of the family. My father was such a gentle and kind but firm, patient and intelligent person, somehow his words and all he taught me growing up were in the back of my mind, guiding, strengthening and encouraging me. I still miss him but think of him almost every day and I feel his presence especially when things get dicey.
I am saying a prayer that my Dad and yours can get together and send you some help pronto so hang in there. My wife and I have two daughters (and a son) and we encourage them to be tuff but their husbands know I would kick their ass if they hurt my little girl.
Since I come from a long, long line of Irish Moonshiners I can’t tell you to stop drinking but you can’t let it control you. My dad would tell my Mom you’ve got to steer the ship, she is 91 and her hand is still firmly on the tiller.
Now grab hold and think of your good fathers advice and make him proud of you. I firmly believe he is watching and want’s the very best for you.
7
www.CODA.org
The Twelve Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous
I can expect a miraculous change in my life by working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. As I make an honest effort to work the Twelve Steps and follow the Twelve Traditions...
I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
I know a new freedom.
I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.
I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
I learn that it is possible to mend - to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
I trust the guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.
If you’re being hit, call the cops and get OUT.
They’ll have the contacts & resources to get you temporarily settled, whether that’s in a shelter or a rehab or both.
If you have cash in your house and can get to it without danger, take it with you when the cops get there.
One thing, and one day at a time.
This nightmare wasn’t created in a day and won’t be straightened out in a day, but you’ve taken the first step.
And that’s the key to making life better again.
One of the reasons my marriage burned 20+ years ago was because my ex was a drunk.
You have no idea how degrading it is for someone to have to live with someone who who is an alcoholic.
It’s not just the act of being drunk, it’s the way if affects relationships, the guilt, the lying, the manipulation. Everyone in the family is affected by your behavior.
There’s no justification for it. None.
Your husband is a separate issue. If you don’t take steps to protect yourself with legal action he’s going to do it again and again.
This was meant to be harsh. It’s time to face reality. If you chose to do nothing, everything you feel right now is the future you will live until it eventually destroys what’s left of family relationships and then kills you.
You know what you need to do. I think you are just hoping to avoid it.
1. Rehab.
2.A serious review of your financial situation. It is possible that stress about money is a factor in your husband’s behavior.
3. Consult an attorney on how best to protect your assets under Canadian law. Sort of hope and work for the best but be ready for the worst.
4. A firm discussion with your husband that hitting is not allowed. This goes for you too. If law enforcement needs to be involved to keep either one of you safe-so be it.
5. Marriage counseling - make sure you both want your recovery to be a key to staying married but do not allow your addiction to be the only thing blamed for problems. I
assume you are not looking to divorce yet.
You should be as cherished and loved by your husband as the church is by Christ. He should support you and want what is best for you. He should never, ever, ever cause you physical harm or mental anguish. If your behavior is causing him stress that does not give him any right to strike you. He is free to remove himself from your presence. So such behavior is on him.
You though have a responsibility not to escalate matters. You may have been using your drinking as an excuse to behave in such a way that you knew would force a confrontation. Sometimes any emotional connection seems better than none at all. Therapy should help you build a healthier interior life. But it will take work on your part.
I will pray for your recovery.
PS. 3 month rehab should be considered just a start.
Oh I am so happy somebody pointed this out.
I am a recovering alcoholic. Been clean since 1999. Still want a drink everyday.
I offer this advice. The only way to stop is to stop. Cold Turkey. You’ll wish for death the first few days while your body adjusts to a life without alcohol. But your body will adjust.
Much, much harder is fighting the mental addiction. It’s much stronger than the bodily addiction. I’d suggest getting some help with the mental addiction.
Alcoholics Anonymous was the crutch I used. Wonderful, caring folks who are in this just like you. They really helped me. I was lucky to get a sponsor, someone who looked after me almost 24x7.
Yes, I backslid. Several times. Some times I wanted to give up. The mental addiction had me by the throat and was squeezing. That’s where the folks from AA came to my rescue.
It wasn’t easy and it took much longer than I thought it should. But getting the victory tokens as I passed each milestone really helped me. One hour, a day, a month, a quarter, a year. Little by little, taking each day as it came, I did it. Hardest thing I ever did.
But it IS possible. I’ll pray for you that the Good Lord will give you strength and resources to beat this evil addiction.
Until you stop drinking and get clear headed no advice will be useful. Embrace your time in rehab. It will help you
A good rehab has medical detox
My oldest sister was an alcoholic who spent most of her adult life in a state psychiatric center because of alcohol related mental problems. She died at the age of 74. She never married, never had kids. And she died alone. Alcohol destroys your brain, your body, and your life. You know that yourself. So you’ll go to rehab for three months, and then what? Come back out and fall back into the same behavioral patterns that got you there in the first place? I know you’re looking for advice, but in the end, you are the only one who can change your life. My sister never wanted to change, and she had a very lonely life.
Rhetorically...
...is there a history of depression and/or anxiety disorders in your family?
...you mention drinking, dad, going somewhere else (running away) and violence, and suggest it might be your fault in your post, have you sought a physicians opinion regarding a potential mood disorder? (These behaviors and motivations and reactions are suggestive.)
...it seems he is allowing you to break off the conflict and retreat to safety, are you initiating the physical violence? Are your injuries due to his defensive efforts?
Mood disorders may cause a person to scapegoat those closest to them, often spouses, and may cause the person with the disorder to become physical.
Not all abuse is physical. In retrospect, are you engaging in another form of abuse? While mental abuse and otherr forms do not justify him initiating violence, it may be at the root of his lashing out.
Is it really your fault? Are you sure? Is that merely your emotional justification for the situation?
This is all far too serious and complicated to hope to get any good advice on line, a licensed professional isnt likely to even be able to respond, make an appointment to discuss these things at the first opportunity.
Contacting anyone about domestic violence at this point may initiate a chain of events that you have no control over and may lead to a resolution unforeseen by these readers as we do not know enough about the rest of your situation.
Seems to me......it’s FReeper bait.
- Exit Strategy
- Rehab
- evaluate finances
- Divorce if no end to beatings
- Restraining order for husband
- What is your trigger to drink
- Come back to the States
Praying for you.
Everyone’s only Hope in life is Jesus.
Dear Heavenly Father, We praise Your Holy Name. We ask in the precious name of Jesus that you provide “proud american in Canada” the answers to her problems. Please remove the desire to drink alcohol and protect from those who are abusing her. Show her the way of escape from these problems. Direct her path for solutions. Please put Christians in her path that can provide assistance. Please give her peace and comfort. We ask these things in the name of Jesus. Amen
Go to rehab. Really.
Yor govt has rehabbb riiht? Get in it
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