I gave some further thought to my comment #356. You are obviously a strong brave man, but perhaps you need to grieve for your lost legs, as for the death of a loved one.
I was in a therapy training group where we met weekly and did therapy paired with another member for several hours. One psychologist commented he was feeling quite a lot better, but he still felt he had a little gloom cloud (I can’t remember the cartoon character who had this) that was above him and followed him around all the time. We paired up that evening and I suggested he needed to have a funeral and say goodby to his little gloom cloud. He agreed so we found a dark jacket and laid it under a blanket. He then told the gloom cloud how it had comforted him during the worst parts of his childhood, but did not need it any more. He then said Goodby to it over and over, burst into tears and cried for a long, long time, almost 2 hours. The next week he came in and said the cloud was gone and he had bought the piano he had wanted to get for years.
Perhaps you and a friend, family member, or therapist could do something similar. Cover something sympolizing your lost legs with a blanket and have a funeral. Tell your legs how much they had meant to you, and how much you miss them, how much the loss hurt, but it is time to say goodby. Allow yourself to grieve as much and as long as you need. It might also be necessary to repeat this process a few times until you feel freer and no longer have this nightmare. My very best wishes for continued healing.
Joe Btfsplk.