Posted on 07/26/2002 4:38:05 AM PDT by mlmr
Dear Mrs. Web,
My boyfriend enjoys photography, as a hobby. He wants to become proficient in it. He enjoys doing nude photography. He uses females who either want nude photographs for their boyfriends, or are building a portfolio for modeling.
He used to advertise in the local paper, or, approach women he thought were very attractive. He was intimate with some of these young women, so, part of the appeal of doing this kind of photography was the sexual thrill that he felt from being a voyeur, via a camera, and, the occasional opportunity of sex.
When we got back together, about 9 months ago, he told me that he would no longer take photographs, if it upset me. However, since then, he has changed his tune. I hoped that he would compromise with me by agreeing that I could be present during these sessions.
Recently, he said that it is important to him, and the model, that they are alone. He tells me that I am being over-emotional, and, that he will do what he wants. What is your take on it? Am I being over-emotional ? Does a nude model have to be alone with her photographer, to make her feel more relaxed?
I'll bet it's important to him that he and the model be alone!
No you are not being over-emotional. You are having a normal reaction to your boyfriend getting his sexual jollies by taking nude pictures of women he barely knows… and having sex with them whenever possible.
Interestingly, he is telling you that he will continue to do this whether you like it or not.
It is your move.
If Dear Mrs Web was in your shoes, she would ditch this creep. Life is too short to spend on an uncommitted, entitled hedonist.
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Dear Mrs. Web,
I have been at a job for two months. Up until 3 days ago, I thought I was doing well. Then I was blindsided by a temporary supervisor who had me in the manager's office, unbeknownst to the manager, for a meeting.
During this meeting I was told I was slow at my tasks and making too many mistakes. She essentially tore me to shreds. I was mortified. I have one more month left in my probationary period and then I may lose this job. I need this job badly, Dear Mrs. Web.
According to the others I work with, I have been doing extremely well. I wrote a letter in response to this supervisor and cc'd my manager. Unfortunately, since this meeting, I have made more mistakes than ever. I am afraid to ask questions because the supervisor told me I asked too many.
What can I do to get over this and get out of it before I DO lose my job. All of my co-workers support me. It's purely psychological now: I screw up every day now because I know I'm being watched so closely.
They are not watching you as closely as you think. You should just keep working as well and hard as you can. I would want to know what the issue is for the temporary supervisor? There is a reason she is being so difficult.
I would also be proactive. I would sit down with my supervisor and her manager and ask them both how can I improve my performance. Tell them you want to learn how to be their best employee and that you may be a slow study but you are loyal and reliable. Ask them for tips and to be assigned with employees that you can copy and learn from.
Smile a lot and be pleasant. I learned a long time ago that a half-smile helps me feel better inside and calms me, especially when under the gun.
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Dear Mrs. Web,
For the last 6 months I have been trying to deal with the fact that my boyfriend's ex will never go away. It is completely consuming me and destroying our relationship. She broke up with him repeatedly while they were dating because she was never able to figure out what she really wanted.
My boyfriend claims he has no feelings for her at all and would never resume a relationship with her. She, on the other hand, upon finding out that he had begun dating someone else (me), began calling him in tears and begging him to take her back. He has made it clear to her that he is in a relationship, that he wanted to be as respectful to me as possible, and that she would eventually get over him and they could have a friendship.
While she no longer makes the same types of phone calls to him, she calls consistently. She began dating someone else, but that has not stopped her from calling my boyfriend, asking about our relationship, and occasionally suggesting that they make plans. I know he would never cheat on me but the fact that this girl had enough control over him in the past that he would continue to allow her back into his life makes me very uncomfortable.
I am an insecure person as it is and this issue seems to upset me on a daily basis. I constantly wonder if she's called, what they talked about, etc. He claims that my feelings are his priority but if the phone calls upset me so much, then shouldn't he offer to stop talking to her?
First, despite all the propaganda to the contrary, romantic relationships do not transition to friendships. To have him say to this woman, that he want to still be friends a double message.
Second, he is making choices about his relationship with this woman that upset you. If he knows that you are upset about the ongoing relationship and continues the relationship anyhow, this gives you an enormous amount of information about his character.
There are boundaries here that need to be drawn. You need to draw boundaries about the kind of connections you will permit in your forever relationships and he needs to learn to say goodbye. It is time to talk.
Best,
Dear Mrs. Web
In the hopes that someday I would be able to take those shots, I bought books on photographing people. Most of the books had at least a section on nude, swimsuit, or lingerie photography. All of the writers emphasized that none of these forms of photography should be done with just photographer and model. A reputable photographer always has assistants to help with the process and to be witnesses that nothing inappropriate happens.
Thanks for the information.
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