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Unaffectionate Man, How to Hold Hands, and Suicidal Ex-Boyfriend
Dear Mrs Web Weekly Dating Advice Column ^ | Monday, July 29, 2002 | Dear Mrs Web

Posted on 07/29/2002 5:14:08 AM PDT by mlmr


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Unaffectionate Man,

How to Hold Hands,


Suicidal Ex-Boyfriend



Dear Mrs. Web,

My boyfriend and I (in our mid-fifties) have dated on and off for 5 years. We have a good relationship, and, enjoy a lot of the same things. I am attractive, shapely, and fit. I enjoy kissing and cuddling; I love that feeling of closeness.


My boyfriend very rarely kisses or cuddles me, except hello and goodbye. When I bring the topic up, he says that he does what he feels like doing, and, when I  mention the lack it makes him feel that he has to do it on demand. He said that if I want him to be more demonstrative, then I have to work towards that goal.  He says that I should consider what it would take for me to entice him into kissing me.


I think that kissing and cuddling are natural for two people in love. I feel that my boyfriend is not sufficiently attracted to me. Why is he like this and what should I do?


I think you have a man who equates kissing and cuddling with sex. There are men like that. They are not demonstrative in any way. It sounds like he is not taking any responsibility to change to meet one of your needs, but is instead placing all the responsibility on you. Is that what you want??


You need to decide what you can live with if he cannot or will not change.



Dear Mrs. Web,


How do you hold hands? Does the girls thumb go under the males thumb?

What a refreshing letter!


Your thumbs go where they are most comfortable for both of you.


Thank you, Dear Mr. Web, for letting me borrow your thumbs while I experimented.




Dear Mrs. Web,

I am 16 and just broke up with a guy who is 20. We dated for 3 months. I was his first girlfriend. He became very attached and wanted to settle down and have kids. He was trying to get a place fixed up to live in on his own. He wanted me to come live with him. My parents would not have liked that and I don't want to settle down yet.


He does not understand why we broke up and thinks there is another guy or that I am not interested in guys. I saw him at the store the other day when I was with friends and he just turned and left. I just want to be his friend.


What if he messes his life up or does something stupid because of me? I asked him one day if he would ever hurt himself after we broke up and he said probably if nothing was going right in his life. Sometimes I wish that I had never gone out with him. But this is just another thing in life to learn from, right?


You are not responsible for this young man’s future. Only he has control over his reaction to your breakup. You need to have have your parents alert his family and the authorities if he threatens to hurt himself or you.


If you are breaking up with him you cannot remain friends, you need to release him.


This problem is the result of indiscriminate dating. Dear Mrs Web believes that one should not date until one is ready for marriage.




Dear Mrs. Web




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TOPICS: Miscellaneous
What about unaffectionate women?
1 posted on 07/29/2002 5:14:08 AM PDT by mlmr
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