I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because
she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that
the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants I told her that she better bring
her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
I phoned the police but was told that there was nobody in the area to help. They said they would send somebody over as soon as possible.
I hung up. A minute later I rang again. 'Hello', I said. 'I called you a minute ago because I said there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now because I've shot them.'
Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said: 'I thought you said you'd shot them.'
To which I replied: 'I thought you said there was no one available.'
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2:00 a.m.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man. "She will be wanting her car back that I left on the side of the road."
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2:00 a.m.?" asked the officer. "I'm going to a lecture," the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife," said the man. "She will be wanting her car back that I left on the side of the road."