The Ring Goes South In California
The next day the Company up packed their belongings and loaded them into their rented carriage, then began their journey to the lands in and around the boarders of the great city of San Diego. They choose to go by way of the passageway that is called in the Californian tongue as “The 10”. This translates into the Texan tongue as, I-10. One will find this translation used in many other places, but that is part of another tale.
After a while, they left “The 10” and chose a more southerly direction on to “The 15”, the on to “The 52”, then on to “The 5”. These passageways are unfamiliar to those from Texas; therefore, there was no known translation for them.
“The 5” began a slow wind south that brought them to the exit for a most fair township. It lay beside the great sea known as the Pacific Ocean. Here they found the lovely township called, “La Jolla”. It was as fair a land as could be found in those parts.
Here the cool breezes and lovely views of the sea refreshed Flat Frodo. At once, he sat out to examine the area, and looked with much wonder upon numerous caves that line the many miles of this coastline.
“Truly it is as fair a land as what you had reported. I should like to tarry here a bit here.”
“Then tarry here you may.” Said the Mistress mstar, also having a good time of it herself. “For truly you have spoken, tis a most fair land and the food is great too.”
“Food? Did you say food? Then this is a most fair land, in deed, if they also provide a generous table.”
“You will be most pleased!” assured the Mistress, grinning like an idiot.
As the day progress, so at peace was Master Flat and in such a pleasant mood, that when the eagle, Gwaihir, who had been sent to rescue him from California, arrived, Frodo chooses not to depart with him. He did this by saying, “Shooo!” and Gwaihir did as he was commanded.
After a delightful walk along the coast, the party found a local tavern that was renown in these parts, for their very fine table and ale.
All ate heartily and then drank to the health of Master Flat Braggins.
The next day the Company journeyed over to the Isle of Coronado.
It is here, in this very place, that the great warriors of this fair nation live, train, and sometimes depart from, so they might fight for the freedom of Middle Earth, and keep her boarders safe.
Very much encouraged by such sacrifice and valor Flat Frodo quickly unfurls the Banners of this great nation that he might demonstrate his support.
As Flat Frodo stands to have his picture taken in front of the naval aircraft carrier, USS John C. Stennis, a soldier calls the Mistress mstar over to his post. She has quiet a fright, as she fears the warrior will take away their camera and take Mr. Flat Frodo and the whole mstar party off to a Military facility.
Instead, the kind Warrior tells her that although pictures of the carrier are not allowed, in this case, he had received word from his supervisor that the photo shoot was to be permitted.
Very much relived and most grateful, she thanks the valiant soldier, then goes on to tell him of the web site where Mr. Flat Frodo originated, and how the site contributes much to support the warriors on the front lines of the battles.
As he listened to the tales of the courage of our Service Men as they fight for their nation, he becomes blinded by his love for the Colors of the Nation’s great banners.
Then it was off for a tour of historic Old Town San Diego, the location of the birthplace of California
And tour he did the many original, historical buildings. Along the way he heard many an old tale or two of the times past of this region.
“I believe I need a new pipe and this wooden Indian chap seems to think this might be a good place to shop for one. What do you say to our going in to look around a bit, Mistress mstar?”
“Sure,” she said, “Let’s go.”
Inside they went.
There they meet a most friendly gentleman, who was working that very day behind the counter. Upon finding that Master Flat Baggins was interested in a new pipe, he gladly displays his finest, and then in a most congenial way agrees to pose for a picture or two.
After farewells, Flat Frodo then set off to celebrate his new pipe with frozen margaritas, and some of the best of California Mexican cuisine.
As the party dined at a local tavern, a group of very fine musicians from the region, showed up and began to play merry renditions of “Happy Birthday”. Somehow word had got out that it was, by chance the month of September, which is both Master Frodo and his Uncle Bilbo’s birthday.
Flat Frodo, most cheered by all decided to join in with the singing.
The next day The Fellowship journeyed to the fabled vineyards that lie near the township of Temecula.
“You must join us for a bottle or two of the old “Almond Champaign” set down by the Wilson Vineyard, a very fine Champaign in any year. What say we open a couple?” The mstar company said with great enthusiasm.
About that moment, one of the owners of the Wilson Winery came upon the party to they might properly welcome Mr. Baggins. The fair lady of Wilson, invited Frodo to cut a cluster of their very fine grapes right off the vine that he might eat of them at a time of his own choosing. Frodo agreed and set about to do so.
Later after a tour of the Winery, Master Baggins and the Mistress of mstar sit down at a table located on the lovely grounds of the vineyard, for a bottle of the Wilson Creek Champagne.
Here they enter into a most deep discussion concerning their adventures in the lands of California, as they savor the very fine champagne.
After a while, Master mstar announces that the time to depart is at hand.
He then leads Master Baggins back home to his flat that they might prepare for the journey back to Texas the next morning.
The next day the party boarded a jet that left the San Diego Airport that took them back the land of Houston, near Springdale. The jet arrived at Bush Intercontential some three hours later.
The journey did finally take hold Master Baggins, leaving him some what as they say in the Texan tongue, “worn out”.
Suffering from jet lag, and fatigue he began to brood and entertained the idea that he had failed in his quest in California. A shadow fell upon his heart, as he began to think dark thoughts that he had made no difference at all and that all would fall into darkness. His despondence grew and became such that he refused to get out of bed the next morning after his arrival, nor the next.
This despondency lead to an eating binge, and then to wasting his time reading cheap grocery store tabloids. Soon he was in a mood to just give it all up, and give himself over to the good life, to “sell out”, as they call it.
The House of mstar was alarmed when they found him in such a state.
The Mistress mstar became especially upset when she saw he had placed the One Ring in an envelope addressed and to be delivered by post to, and I quote, “The Fires Of Mount Doom, The very Heart Of Mordor”, and then not giving a return address, only from a Mr. Flat Frodo Baggins, from parts unknown.”
“You can’t give up now, Frodo, not now!” she cried and then prayed that some of her grace would be passed on that he might be spared.
The Grace was granted and Frodo soon revived.
In a few days, he was back on his feet and then out the door that he might continue his quest that would take him to “The House OF Alkhin”. Perhaps there they could figure out what to do with The One Ring and all the rest of it.
THE END
The House of mstar would like to thank the many kind people we met along the way for their gracious hospitality. Among them are the Gulf Coast Museum in Port Arthur, Texas, the many establishments located in Old Town San Diego, Wilson Creek Winery, and the great team from the photo department in Target, San Diego, and that nice supervisor, whoever you are, at the U.S. Naval base, who allowed us Flat Frodo’s photo shoot. To The King Of The Elves and The Mistress Of Monroe, many thanks wherever you are!
Disclaimer: This is a spoof; therefore, it contains many direct quotes from the work of J.R.R Tolkien, the movie trilogy, “Lord Of The Rings”, as well as that of others. If you find something you wrote or said quoted in the work, well sorry; get over it, as that is the way of a spoof.