You must first remember that no -- zero, zip, nada -- Southern soldiers were killed by any Union forces until after the Confederacy formally declared war on the United States, on May 6, 1861.
Nor did Upper-South voters in North Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia ratify secession until after the Confederacy was officially at war with the United States.
So voters of those states knew they were going to war when they voted to secede and join the Confederacy.
War was their choice.
And large numbers voted against secession and war in those Upper-South states, most for reasons entirely related to their views on slavery -- they were anti-slavery and pro-Union.
So over 100,000 of those young (white) men served in the Union army -- a force as large as any that served at one time in Robert E. Lee's army.
In addition, over 200,000 men from border states of Maryland, Kentucky and Missouri served the Union, along with 150,000 Southern blacks.
Of all the people who served in the Civil War, those Southern-Union troops and their families doubtless suffered more than any others.
Again, my reference from post #21 is: William W. Freehling, The South Vs. The South : How Anti-Confederate Southerners Shaped the Course of the Civil War
Hmm. When she talked about “murdering, raping,looting and burning savages” I just assumed she meant rebs ;-)