"every one of those...creatures...has 10-foot-pole marks all over their bodies"
CLASSIC!
As a bachelor age 47 very interested in marriage, I check out the very first indicator of the "straightness" of the sites I consider joining as follows: If the little chooser boxes let you say I'm Male seeking....and it doesn't automatically go to FEMALE but would let me seek males (or be SOUGHT by males, I'm outta there! Just like for the election, (national defense and) moral issues top my list. Great mind, great smile...the rest is frosting on the cake.
Good indicators, I'd say. As an aside, I think you might find these links of interest. Wish I could vouch for a particular one, but I've been off the market for years now. I managed to luck out and win the heart of the daughter of a U.S. Marine. :o)
Try conservativematch.com
I am currently dating someone. But a co-worker of mine posted his profile there recently.