Posted on 05/01/2006 3:32:28 PM PDT by Born Conservative
Organic food annoys me.
Despite what the organics will have you believe, research just doesn't indicate that there are any real health benefits that come from eating organically produced foods. This doesn't mean that there aren't any studies that have turned up positives for organic food, because studies have been done that show organic foods has some benefits. The problem is that for every one of these "pro-organic" studies there are other studies that show organic foods offer no real benefits.
This ladies and gentlemen is a lack of scientific consensus.
But now thanks to data uncovered by Louis Guillette, an assistant dean of research at the University of Florida, the organic movement has a chance to pick up a head of steam. Hopefully - for their sake - they won't blow this chance to expand and extend their influence.
The thrust of Dean Guillette's findings is that the use of pesticides has led to changes in fertility and sex including - gasp - penis size. And by change in penis size, we're talking smaller.
Guillette made his opinions known while speaking at a conference at the University of Western Ontario during question and answer periods and during interviews. Guillette said that the use of pesticides for cosmetic purposes of keeping lawns looking nice is not warranted since he feels that there is enough evidence to put children - of course, the children! - wildlife and the ecosystem at risk.
Oddly, Dean G makes no mention of the risk to men. After dropping the whole smaller penis bombshell, how could he forget to mention men? After all, kids have small penises to begin with, so smallness is a relative term. But to a man, a decrease in penis size is as big of a risk as there exists on the face of the earth. Forget death, disease and taxes.
Small penis is the Pol Pot of men problems.
Organic food may annoy, but the threat of a small penis terrifies.
In defense of Guillette, he limited his comments to saying that pesticides shouldn't be used for cosmetic purposes - for lawn care - and did say that pesticides are necessary for health and agricultural purposes, and therefore shouldn't be banned.
However, just because Guillette uses his research findings in a responsible manner doesn't mean that others have to.
I can just see how this info could be wielded to further the goals of the organic movement. Despite Guillette limiting his research to the study of alligators that live in contaminated lakes and ponds - these poor alligators had smaller genitals than their clean water counterparts - there's no reason activists can't exploit this data and extrapolate accordingly. And to exponentially increase the impact of this information, the organics can say that non-pesticide stuff can make your penis bigger.
This could be the mother of all scare tactics and the best use of deliberately misinterpreted data since the Alar scare.
The organic patrol can tell us that drinking apple juice and eating apples that were grown non-organically - or is it un-organically? - will make our penises smaller, our son's penises smaller, and their kids' penises smaller. The organic produce producers of the world will not be able to keep up with the demand.
Then trump this move by saying that non-organic equals bigger where it counts. That'll just be from apples. And the organic produce industry - over night - will be the largest industry in the world.
Guys from Green Bay to Greenwich Village will be mashing organic apples for food and drink if they think it can keep their progeny from having a stunted phallus. If you think gas prices are too high, wait until you see what you'll have to pay for an organic piece of produce, if this data is properly mis-disseminated.
I can already see a public service poster that features the pictures of two cucumbers; a huge one with the caption "organic" and a small one with the caption "non-organic," with a big, bold headline at the top, "Which one would you rather have?" Brought to you by the "Size Matters Coalition Of Organic Food Growers For Men."
Men aren't really scared about the 1-in-10 million risk of contracting cancer associated with eating pesticide treated apples but will soil themselves over the same level of risk of getting small penis-itis.
Some hazy, non-specific promise of "healthier" doesn't matter.
Size matters.
The Food Police can tell us that meat and milk and eggs that have been raised in pesticide-laden environments will cause shrinkage. At this point a national man panic will ensue. Tough guys and beef-eaters from every local corner coffee shop and diner will descend on the nations' organic food markets and create a bigger human traffic jam than all the illegal protesting immigrants that you could shake a taser gun at.
I hope with all of my heart that some organic, anti-pesticide organization out there picks up this story, takes this data and runs with it. We could use the laughs.
WEED B GON or Miracle grow, that is the question.
I recommend a course in self-esteem.
The thrust of Dean Guillette's findings
Hopefully - for their sake - they won't blow this chance
Very unfortunate phraseology.
I always try to buy organic. It's usually just us women and a few sandle-wearing men in those stores.
But, yea, ha ha, once this rumor gets going, I'm sure guys in football jerseys will be stopping at the organic store on their way to the game... lol.
That is deceptively worded. For every "pro-organic" study there are others that show organic foods offer greater health risks from bugs and their "residue" that consumers ingest.
I had to spray a can of Raid on mine just so it wouldn't have it's own zip code.
Actually there has been research on soy and phytoestrogens and how they affect male development penis size included.
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