It Depends on the Definition of "Need" (Are men attracted to needy women?)

Yahoo discussion group ^ | 6-30-06 | Dear Margo Column

[A_perfect_lady]

Or maybe you discovering that you could be doing something different in order to make keeping you happy valuable enough to him.

Well, you put your finger on it there. I find that (some) men don't really worry about whether a woman is happy. They worry about whether THEY are happy. I remember at least one ex who only straightened up as I was packing to leave, suddenly he was ready to do anything. I can't tell you how it disgusted me to know that he knew I was unhappy for 2 years and just argued with me about how changing things would make HIM less happy (well, no kidding, housework makes everyone less happy.) But once he realized I was leaving, okay, fine, I'll change. I kept packing. I don't want to be with someone who really, deep down, doesn't care that I'm miserable, only cares that he's maintaining the maximum comfort level for himself. But perhaps that's just the kind of men I've gotten involved with.

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I agree with both your points. We've been going on for 25+ years, so we must be doing something right.

Women tend to take out general frustration (at their boss, father, car...) on their husbands. At the time it was abundantly obvious to me she there was some other issue. Anything I said was fraught with danger. I've learned when my wife asks me a question, it could either be that she's looking for validation or she wants advice. It's never 100% clear which. The secret is to seem interested, ask some questions, and find out which it is. As soon as possible get out of Dodge ("Gee, Honey, I gotta get to HomeDepot for lint baffles for the humidifier filter. Need any tea cozies or anything while out?")

[SauronOfMordor]

I agree that perhaps you should look for a different class of man

Additionally, perhaps being less of "a perfect lady" might be productive. A lot of times guys need more than a ladylike hint before we absorb the situation. What often happens is hints go right over our pointy little heads. You have to tell us very explicitly. After smacking us over the head with a crowbar to ensure you have our complete attention

As far as motivating guys to do chores, being un-ladylike in another way is also useful. Most guys will go for a deal like "You do 3 hours of housework, and I'll do an hour of fulfilling the sexual fantasy of your choice". Generally speaking, guys who get laid frequently (as in several times per week) tend to be very agreeable people

[SauronOfMordor]

My experience is that women like to talk for the sake of talking when they're upset. When she's venting on a problem, unless she explicitly asks for ideas on a solution, it's better to just do what you have been doing and just listen and ask questions

[A_perfect_lady]

Geez, your description of men who can't figure out for themselves that fair is fair, and must be bribed with sex (ensuring I'm still doing most of the work in the relationship) doesn't bode well for what you must consider a better class of man. No offense, but don't you see that if I'm working just as hard as you, I shouldn't have to bribe you to not make my life unfairly hard at home?

[BruceysMom]

My Glock and willingness to use it, kept my now ex husband from ever trying to hit me. He hit plenty of other things like walls, and pick up trucks, even trees. Since I had the ability and the will to respond with excessive force I was never his punching bag. I would pity the woman he's with now but she's bigger than him and I've heard she a has a pretty mean right punch!!!!

[Lonesome in Massachussets]

I've never struck a woman in my life; I'd have to say it's not really something that it would occur to me to do. If memory serves me right that one occassion was the only time my wife ever struck me and I found it more amusing than threatening. I never saw her strike our daughter (that tongue, though, pheew) either.

I'd tell you how that argument ended, but it's a little personal. Suffice it to say that there such a thing as make up (that's personal).

[Perdogg]

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article1168172.ece

[marajade]

Dang. I would never do that.

[Enterprise]

LMAO! Good find Perdogg (post #247).

Maybe her next letter will look like this:

"Dear Margo:

I was down in the dumps a bit because here I am, an intelligent, pretty, successful 38-year-old and I don't have a man. But, I've got my groove back. I went to Jamaica and, girl, I've got my groove back. "And you know what I'm talkin' bout."

Ms Independent

[stephenjohnbanker]

ROTF!

[SauronOfMordor]

Women who go on "sex tourism" jaunts to places like Africa and Haiti are just plain nuts

[Enterprise]

Some men settle for any port in a storm, and some women want to provide that port.

[the OlLine Rebel]

You better be kidding. I'm a woman who loves German ShepHERDS!



As for all the smarmy comments of any-woman-who's-old-and-isn't-married-is-a-feminazi-!@$!@$ typical on this forum any time anything remotely resembling such topic comes up....

And I'm an independent woman who finally found a man for her as an "oldster", getting married at the tail-end of 35. Pplllhhhttttt.

[GOP_Raider]

Did either of you two see that show on ABC Monday night 10pm EDT)? It was a show about dating.

Yes, but dating in San Francisco. I rest my case.

[Perdogg]

Is it that bad??? One would think that women there would appreciate a hetero male. However, those guys looked like they one Gucci shirt away from the other side.

[GreenOgre]

Money won't buy you love, but you can always rent it.

[GOP_Raider]

Is it that bad??? One would think that women there would appreciate a hetero male.

I don't disagree, it just always seemed to me that the lion's share of the hetero male population in the City is pretty "metrosexual". Personally I always considered "metrosexual" to be a euphemism for "ambiguously gay", but what do I know, I live in a Red state. :)