[John Semmens]

ping

[tx_eggman]

I mean, why take the risk of illegally trying to get into someone else’s pocket when there’s a legal way to get the same result?

Brilliant John, simply brilliant

[aquila48]

“Without the programs they’ve enacted, many people would be forced to initiate their own poorly-conceived heists and a lot more people would get hurt.”

LOL - Perfect touch of subtley, John.

[Cheetahcat]

No reason to steal the government is handing out bucket fulls of money to the democrats.

[KTM rider]

" according to the "Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence", the temporary drop in global temperatures due to Global Warming, has caused people to become a lot cooler and they dont want to do anything uncool, like commiting crimes"

LOL !

[fatnotlazy]

Great piece, John. Thanks for the ping.

The Biden “quote” was perfect.

I liked the rest of the stories on that page too.

[Safrguns]

Bush’s Fault

[Cringing Negativism Network]

Not so difficult to understand.

Lots of illegal aliens, have gone home.

[houeto]

Vice-President Joe Biden credits increased government hand-outs for the decline in crime. “With trillions in stimulus money floating around, there’s less need for ordinary robberies,” Biden reasoned. “I mean, why take the risk of illegally trying to get into someone else’s pocket when there’s a legal way to get the same result?”

LMAO!!! Great work John. Thanks for the ping.

[smokingfrog]

[votemout]

Your investigative reporting has revealed a whole other payoff from the stimulous package. The dems may be upset at you because I suspect they were saving this gem for late October if MSNBC didn't run it on their 24 hour crawl.

Wjy subscribe to the onion when you're here once or twice a week and much more subtle at that. 9.9 and let the Russians take the hindmost!

[Man50D]

Biden probably would believe he made that alleged quote.

[GailA]

Don't steal, the government doesn't like the competition.

Crime goes down when they lock up career criminals for longer periods of time. Then they could have been hierarchical counting the crimes, only the most serious offense is counted, the rest discarded. In a robery/rape/murder case only the murder is counted. Just lost 2 crimes.

[Smokin' Joe]

Wow. And here, I was tempted to comment, even knowing it was satire. John, you just keep getting better. Thanks for the ping!

[oldteen]

Very good (and funny) John. Thanks.

[KarlInOhio]

Vice-President Joe Biden credits increased government hand-outs for the decline in crime. “With trillions in stimulus money floating around, there’s less need for ordinary robberies,” Biden reasoned. “I mean, why take the risk of illegally trying to get into someone else’s pocket when there’s a legal way to get the same result?”

What's next? Ben Bernanke puts common counterfeiters out of business?

[wastedyears]

Brilliant

[GrannyAnn]

I always get thrown for a minute and then I note the source. Brilliant again. I also love it when people try to analyze your stuff!

[TheVitaminPress]

Thanks for keeping us laughing!

[WayneS]

Good stuff!! ...as per usual.