I finally thought of a commercial product I misused. Years ago I was at the party of a flaky friend [she moved her entire family from MA to Montana, so as to be self-sufficient by the time Y2k struck] and the mosquitoes were out. She said if we all applied a beauty product called Skin so Soft, it would repel them. We all did, and I swear the number of mosquitoes quadrupled.
Fail.
I use newspapers for cleaning fish. About all they are good for besides covering the floor when I paint.