OK, I tracked down the original article, it is satire.
http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/07/obama-on-gay-rights-%E2%80%9Cit-was-something-i-experimented-with-in-college%E2%80%9D/
Reporting myself to the mods for due punishment.
How can you be so sure? With zer0 all things are possible! This is what the media told us before the election. Did not zer0 tell us he would trim the budget, lower sea levels, was the chosen one and on and on? zer0 being homo is not out of the realm of probabilities.
Just spent a good portion of the past 30 minutes combing through our Acme-Zenith Emergency Manual. Turns out there's a special coded sub-section which seems to be saying that we're prohibited from making a call on the Red Phone to the Viking Kitties when someone self-reports.
My decoding skills are a little rusty so while I can't guarantee anything, you're probably safe for now.