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To: A_perfect_lady

She won’t. That is the problem. She’ll not walk out until he nearly kills her, or threatens the baby. When she does walk, she will not have planned for it.

Posted it here because, though we are incredibly family oriented here, folk sometimes get to witness this situation within friends or family.
It gives an idea of what to suggest.


9 posted on 02/05/2012 9:15:23 AM PST by EnglishCon
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To: EnglishCon
I had a friend in this situation too, long long ago. She would only leave if I agreed to move in with her and help her raise her 3 children. I was 19, single, and shocked that she thought it was appropriate to simply go from dependent upon husband to dependent upon best friend. She really didn't see what the problem was in asking me to give up any plans I had and devote myself to being her full-time support system. I had to break off my friendship with her because it was either watch her husband beat her, or become involved up to my neck and be a target myself (because as you can imagine, he hated me.)

A lot of women like this will not leave unless they have someone else lined up to take the man's place. They have never stood alone, and don't want to. It's not even just financial... they just can't stand to be alone. JMHO. But good luck to her.

10 posted on 02/05/2012 9:28:22 AM PST by A_perfect_lady
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To: EnglishCon

Hi EnglishCon. I’m a longtime lurker here but your post brings me out of the wordwork. I used to counsel domestic violence survivors and I would suggest that you encourage her to talk to a domestic violence hotline if she will. And have her do it from a public phone or a friend’s phone in case she doesn’t clear her call log or the abuser has put spyware on her phone.

You can explain that a hotline counselor will help her evaluate her risk and options (not just for her but also for her child) and they aren’t there to judge her. She can be anonymous. They may be able to help plant a seed that no one else can right now. Offer to be with her when she places the call if you think that will help. If she won’t call, you or someone she trusts can also call to get their input on how to further help.

I’m in the US, and I ALWAYS received helpful assistance from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They are available 24/7.

http://www.thehotline.org
1-800-799-SAFE
TTY 1-800-787-3224
(interpreter service for foreign languages)

Are you in the UK? If so, there is womensaid.org.uk They may have helpful advice for you but I cannot vouch for them as I never used them in a professional capacity. I’d contact them first to be certain she can seek assistance anonymously if that’s an issue.

Here in the States, I used to dread Super Bowl Sunday because it always meant I’d be seeing more injured women in the days following the game. For those in the US who may read this, please know that you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for yourself or for someone you are concerned about to get advice and linkage with local resources.

Prayers and best wishes for all women at risk of abuse.


12 posted on 02/05/2012 10:29:11 AM PST by JustMeMcGee
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