[virgil283]

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' ...

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Amazing......Who Wuda Thot ....

[cripplecreek]

Mitch Hedberg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6xaj2fC1jI&feature=related

I think a rotisserie is a really morbid Ferris wheel for chickens.

[Obama_Is_Sabotaging_America]

I jumped for Joy but Joy jumped higher!

[cripplecreek]

I like refried beans but I wanna try fried beans. Maybe they’re just as good and we’re wastin time.

[A_perfect_lady]

When I was a kid we had a quicksand box in my backyard. I was an only child... eventually. -SW

[william clark]

My favorite is still “I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.”

[dfwgator]

“I was at this restaurant. The sign said “Breakfast Anytime.” So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”

[pa_dweller]

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?