“And there’s another thing. I love my more conservative friends, even the most annoying, because I was once among them”
You’re a stone cold liar. You were never among us.
“Confession time: I was once a card-carrying member of the NRA”
Any way to check this with the NRA?
“Also I voted for Gary Johnson in 2012. Whatever.”
Sure.
“And really, what are the real differences between liberals and conservatives anyway? Besides flame-resistant bras, fat pockets and a little extra racism on the side?”
The difference is that liberals like you tend to lie. Conservatives tend to tell the truth.
“A friend of mine — a conservative friend, no less — once told me that we hate those who embody qualities we fear we may ourselves possess.”
Yeah, suuuuuure.
Who shoots a firearm once (which means she never owned one) and joins the NRA?