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I will go buy a copy today.

I’ve worked in Critical Care for 20 years. Sadly, I’ve seen this all too often. As a supervisor, I’ve been the person who had to make “the call” far more times than I ever wanted, which is never.

Making “the call” means that for the person on the receiving end of the call, I am the dividing line between life before and life after. I had a lady tell me once that every second of my voice, every word of that call, was etched in her brain forever, replaying in an endless loop.

I Cry

I cry
And the sky shows its blue sympathy
Or clouds the stars from her eyes
To cry with me

I shudder
And the world remains firm
A hope against my soul-ripped heart
My strength when I have none

I cannot
The day has no meaning
But the sun still rises
Even as darkness falls around me

I rage
And the world responds with beauty
Unfair to whisper grace
When grace I cannot feel

I scream
And the heavens absorb my cry
And yet still responds with stars
Even though my star is gone

I fall
And cannot think discreetly
The earth spins undetected
And so do I

I cringe
At casual conversation
How can time move on
No, I am not OK

I plead
For hope I cannot feel
Grace I do not know
They are strangers to me

I know
That life is unsecure
And breath is as impermanent
As souls are forever

I live
In uncontented days
Along uncommitted paths
In a world that no longer makes sense

I sigh
And the world doesn’t sigh with me
And time moves ahead
And leaves me behind

I yearn
For portals between worlds
For reaffirmation
For a drop of yesterday

I want
The links to grow unended
My path to not be parted
My heart to not be still

I am
A link without the linkage
A bond without the bonding
A soul without its quilting

I go
Forward day by day
Holding invisible hands
That pray with me for continuity

I hope
That hope someday will find me
And show me paths to meet me
With hands that hold mine still

I grow
Not apart but abreadth
Not alone but amidst
Interconnected by faith

I see
That time is so uncertain
That here is not not there
And forever is true regardless

“I had a lady tell me once that every second of my voice, every word of that call, was etched in her brain forever, replaying in an endless loop.”

In my case I only remember two State Troopers asking me if I was my boys father. I have no idea how they told me. I asked them if anyone else was involved. No. (one of my best friends had taken out an entire family in a wreck) Having to wake his mother and tell her is something I will never forget.