Walter, Humble, and Wilson.
The trifecta.
If bumpkin shows up, tell him to take some of those fish, leave the scales on, then place them out in the sun to dry.
Once dried, grind them up in a blender, add just enough olive oil to make a thick salve and apply some to his vassaritus. Yeah, it’ll stink like hell but it may ease the burn.
Have him make enough for his little yap yap yappy buddy who needs some salve too.