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April 26, 2004 -- IN a new book about the last days of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Carly Simon says that Ed Schlossberg, husband of Caroline Kennedy, berated the singer to the point of tears at the former first lady's wake. Simon, who attended the wake with her husband, Jim Hart, and a masseuse friend of Jackie's named Biko, tells author Edward Klein about the ugly incident in "Farewell, Jackie" (Viking). "Biko brought a gift, a long candle in the shape of a calla lilly. And I brought the lyrics to my song 'Touched by the Sun,' which I had written on parchment and tied with a pretty silvery ribbon . . . Biko said we were supposed to leave our offerings - the candle and the parchment - on top of the casket." Moments later, she recalls, "Ed Schlossberg came over. He said, 'We're very angry with you, Carly. You have to take those things off the casket. It's only for the grandchildren.' " He didn't stop there. "He went on and on in this vein - how intrusive it was, what I had done. 'You committed a faux pas,' he said. I was crying as I left." On Carly's way out, Bunny Mellon stepped in, telling her, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it. I'll make sure Jackie gets your gifts."

(PageSix)

Sightings (PageSix)

ROCCO DiSpirito, Al Franken, Al Sharpton and Janeane Garafolo among the crowd of 1,500 at Moby's Teany Cafe for an anti-George Bush "bake sale" fund-raiser sponsored by Moveon.org .

April 26, 2004 -- BEN Stein knows how to butter up a beauty queen. Before an appearance on Fox News Channel the other day, the 59-year-old TV personality seemed to be flirting with newly crowned Miss USA Shandi Finnessey . "If you're ever in L.A., call me, and I'll take you to Mortons, where all the stars hang out," said Stein, who gave Finnessey his card and asked three times to take pictures with her in the green room. "I've met a lot of beauty queens and you're by far the most beautiful. How tall are you?" For the record, Shandi is 5-foot-11, while Stein is 5-foot-8.

April 26, 2004 -- "SEX and the City" may be over, but the actress best known as Samantha Jones still has sex on her schedule - specifically, a documentary about it. The other night at the Museum of TV & Radio's Documentary Festival, Kim Cattrall was in the audience for a screening of "Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over 65." During a post-screening Q&A, the filmmakers introduced Cattrall and asked her to say a few words. "I am distressed to learn about vaginal atrophy," she commented with a smile. Cattrall, author with her now-ex-husband of "Satisfaction," a book on the female orgasm, then explained that she was researching a documentary about sex which will include men's stories as well. "Still Doing It" producer Diana Holtzberg said she was thrilled someone as well known as Cattrall was exploring the topic. Despite festival raves for "Still Doing It" - and sales to television entities in foreign countries - the documentary has yet to find an American outlet. Broadcast and cable execs in the U.S. have told the filmmakers that middle-aged and older women are not a demographic that interests them.

Well! Excuuuuuuse us!!

April 26, 2004 -- JOAN Rivers is no stranger to facelifts. In fact, many would say the funny lady never met a facelift she didn't like, which is why she's signed on to perform at the party to celebrate the "facelift," or redesign, of Mercedes- Benz's C-Class, at Fez May 4. It also helps that Rivers has a soft spot for the car company. "My husband drove one, my sister drives one, my daughter drives one," but not Joan. "I'm a New Yorker," she quipped, but "I'm hoping Mercedes-Benz will give me the deal I'm looking for," which we suspect includes a man to serve as her "driver."

April 26, 2004 -- THOUGH she protests the "air head" label many have slapped on her, Jessica Simpson often is her own worst enemy when it comes to disproving it. Take her recent appearance at "VH1 Divas." The sultry songbird wore five different outfits during the concert - three of which were made specially for her by Donna Karan, with the others from Elie Saab and J. Mendel. However, when "Access Hollywood" asked who designed her red-carpet gown, the ditsy diva replied, "Escada," instead of Karan.