[beezdotcom]

I don't play any instruments, and I can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Zounds! You possess the obvious qualifications for lead singer/guitarist. You'll even be able to skip the step of having to get too stoned to be able to play, and go straight to having guitar players patched in from backstage to cover up for you...

[BykrBayb]

My only downfall is that I'm just average looking. If we have all our concerts in the morning, that should solve the problem, as I look like a washed-up rock star before my first cup of coffee.