Posted on 02/10/2005 7:52:19 AM PST by kiki04
I sent this in to a few papers in the Pittsburgh area after this happened, it has gone unpublished so I thought I would share it here.
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I am writing this after a horrific experience I had this past week while visiting my family in Pennsylvania. My mother and I decided to take my six year old autistic nephew to Toys R Us to purchase a new bike before spring. While he was trying out a bike, he accidentally ran into a woman who was shopping. Instead of remaining calm, this woman took it upon herself to yell, rather belligerently, at my nephew. My mother went over to make my shocked and upset nephew apologize to her. She saw no need to do so for her behavior though. Her outburst led to him having a meltdown, and ruined an otherwise good day for him. I was appalled that an adult would behave that way to a child, let a lone a child with special needs. Then I thought to myself, how does this women treat her own children, if she yelled at my nephew?
“It takes a village to raise a child” does not mean that everyone should go around trying to discipline other people’s children. It means that we as a society need to show every child love and respect so in turn, that is how they learn to treat others. In this day and age of Nanny 911, some may feel they are equipped to tell others how to raise their children. This is not so. Unless you live with or work with a child, you have no idea how, or right, to discipline them.
As an adult, please remember that accidents happen, to all of us. Give the child a chance to apologize for what happened, and above all do not lose your temper, or discipline someone else’s child. Every child is different, and you have no idea what that other family is dealing with. She may have had a small bruise on her ankle after all was said and done, but we had to deal with over four hours of crying, yelling, and him scratching himself.
ping...
You bet that stuff hurts. The woman has no grace. Therefore, she can offer no grace.. not even to a little boy. Help your nephew to understand this about people; and you've gone a long ways to helping him master his own destiny in life. Mean people have no grace, therefore, they have none to offer *anyone*. Your nephew did not force this woman to respond as she did: She exercised a choice, her own choice, in how to behave. Explain to your nephew that this woman chose bad behavior instead of civil behavior. And that decision of hers has NOTHING to do with your nephew's behavior. The woman certainly has the freedom to behave badly. Encourage your nephew to not emulate this woman's "reaction".
It always seems these intolerant people always show up in toy stores, theme parks, and family restaurants and other family places. Why is that?
It is like they go out and purposely put themselves where they can snap. I personally would have had some of that woman's rear and cowed her down a bit in public.
I am sorry about the needs of your child, and that should be taken into consideration. I do not know how you are raising you child so this may not apply to you. I never wanted liked it when anyone else yelled or disciplined my child. I really never did, and I prevented this by making sure I yelled at my kids before anyone else did.
I do not do this in public, but in my home I never let my kids touch my stereo, tv, computer ect. They knew it was hands off. But friends always came by and would think that because their kids ran wild at their house, they should be able to do it in mine. NO! Does not work that way. I will yet at a kid to get away from my stuff if his parents won't. Just the way it is. If someone does not want their kids disciplined by anyone else then they need to exert a little discipline on them themselves.
Sorry to say this, but 90% of the people DO NOT like other people's kids and the actions of bratty kids with awful parents (the Walmart check-out line tantrums come to mind).
The lady was out of line yelling at your kid at Toys r Us. It is a place kids are supposed to be a little looser than others and this was clearly an accident.
Your case is special. Most cases of children behaving badly in public are the results of poor parenting. It's not the kids that need the public correcting, it's the parents!
You shake me up with your reference to "it takes a village" from that commie female dog senator. Please, come on!
Your nephew is autistic. This woman just has no way of controlling her anger in public. Is there a difference? I can't tell you how many times I've had a shopping cart run over the back of my heels. At first, yes it hurts, then I calmy turn and assess the situation. But I really never would yell at someones elses child because I remember when mine were young.
Ping!
The lady may have been a jerk, but a parent who lets ANY kid ride a bicycle inside a store is responsible for all the consequences. That the child was autistic, and thus more likely than a normal child to do something inappropriate while on the bicycle, is further evidence of parental irresponsibility. I feel sorry for the kid, who should never have been put in this situation; but not for the mother.
The children are usually allowed to ride the bikes at Toys R Us. I see it all the time.
First of all, autism isn't as obvious as say, Downs Syndrome, so how was this woman who was HIT by a kid on a bike supposed to know not to say anything?
Second, having a niece who worked in a Toys R Us, riding a bike IN the store is forbidden. Trying it out, in the bike aisle, is one thing, but she's told me horror stories about kids riding whatever they can get their hands on, zooming up and down all around the store, then falling, having an accident with another shopper, and then the parents of said brat wind up suing the store, because inevitably the kid winds up with a head wound of some sort, that bleeds all over the place, and the parents go hysterical. Nothing bleeds like a head wound.
Then the store gets counter-sued by the person who was hit by the kid on wheels (bike, scooter, whatever) because someone magically, every Toys R Us employee(?) is resonsible for preventing any kid from riding anything in the store. My niece, working in a different department but close to the bikes, has told us how she has been yelled at, for not controlling some child whose parents, shopping in a completely different part of the store, let their kids go off and hop on a bike. Let them do anything so long as the kid is out of their hair while they shop for some other kid's Birthday party, is the attitude these parents take. But it doesn't sotp them from suing when their precious darling has an accident on the bike they've chosen to speed around the store in! According to my niece, the kid riding the bike/scooter never seems to scrape a knee or elbow. Noooooo. They always wind up hitting their head, and bleeding all over the place, which my niece then gets the privilege of cleaning up. Toys R Us has "bodily fluids control", yeah, even for a kid, so out comes the expensive blood cleanup kit, with gloves and all that. Someoene told my niece that each blood kit, expected to be used in case of HIV/AIDS really, costs over a $100.
But who was at fault here? To my mind, it's the parents who let the kid RIDE the bike around the store. Look, not to be unsympathetic, but I've been hit by kids zooming around the store, and I have quietly told the kid to WALK the bike back to where they got it, and put it back. Am I the only who sees the inherent danger in letting a child ride a bike in a store, in a confined space where there are numerous people standing around, looking at toys and not, perhaps, observant of the kid whizzing at them on wheels??
Everyone seems to think that the injured woman (possible bruise on her ankle?) is the villain here, when I see it as the ADULTS with this autistic child who didn't keep him under control, and then clearly couldn't handle his totally inapropriate reaction to someone getting upset at his behavior.
You don't want the kid upset? Don't let him do things that are going to injure other people. Is this so hard to understand? If you know that a child is going to fly into the ozone over anyone else saying something to him, then it is your job as the adult in charge of him, to keep him from doing things that will get him yelled at. You cannot control other people, but you can control this child, and that's your job, and yours alone.
Okay, donned flameproof suit.
Yes, but unless you want to get some impromptu dental work, address me and I will address the child. The quickest way to a bad situation is to degrade my child ( here I mean one under 12-13 yoa ) in public or touch him/her.
This woman is lucky the custodiam adult was not a closet psycho case and twist off on her, in todays world better safe than sorry.
NO, they are not allowed to ride the bikes. They are allowed to get on the bike, to see if the height, or size is right, but it is against store policy for children to ride around the store. No bike or scooter or anything with wheels is supposed to be taken out of the bike aisle or from where it is displayed. Before Christmas, I was bumped by a kid in one of those mini-Volkswagon tricycles, as the kiddy whizzed around the store, oblivious to adults in the way!
It is very difficlt for Toys R Us employees to enforce the "no riding" rule, as they can make enemies of a huffy parent in an instant, and ruin a sale, of a bike and perhaps of that parent from ever coming back into the store.
It is a Catch-22. But the Toys R Us lawyers are very insistent that the employees are to politely inform the parents that their children are not to ride the bike around the store, and that when they see a child, using a scooter, the most common choice of late, or on a bike, they are to ask the child to walk the bike back to where they got it, and in fact, to assist the child in doing so, since the tendency is for the child to want to ride the bike back to the bike aisle.
You may "see it all the time" but that doesn't mean that it is store policy.
I read your previous post. Actually, the only place I have seen the children riding them was in the bike aisle. Still, I can undersyand saying, "Be careful!" or "You sren't supposed to ride that here, " in a disciplinary voice, as opposed to screaming at a child.
Don't be silly. I enjoyed your post and you made some highly common sense observations. No flames from me!
Yeah, I agree. I just reread the first post by kiki04, that the woman was yelling, swearing at the kid - and that's inappropriate behavior by an adult toward anyone's kid. This is, at worst, a tie. The adults with the autistic child were wrong, and the woman's inappropriate behavior to a child running into her on a bike, was wrong.
But the point of this "letter to the editor" is to tear into the woman for her behavior toward an autistic child, as though somehow she's supposed to know that the child will over-react and take off on itself for 4 hours after the incident. Frankly, I don't know very much about autism, and don't know if this is "customary and usual" for such an incident.
But "if" it is, then the adults with this autistic child have an obligation to protect this child from incidents like this, even if it means hanging on to the handlebars of the bike to ensure that nothing untoward happens. Since I didn't read that the adults did that, they are responsible for the child and his having run into someone.
That said, the overreaction on the part of this child must be awful. I cannot imagine being with a child who cries, throws a tantrum and scratches at himself for four hours. Yikes. If I knew that this would be the result of an interaction out in the public, I think I would do everything possible to make sure that nothing even close to this happened. I simply can't imagine.
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