Favorite "story ballads" - story telling set to music

Vanity | 2/26/2005 | HairOfTheDog

[HairOfTheDog]

Fascinating.... I didn't know it was an oft-repeated theme.

[HairOfTheDog]

I do like the horse related ones!

[SuziQ]

Love your choices! The first time I heard "Edmund Fitzgerald", I thought it was about an old time shipwreck. Had no idea it had only happened a few years before the song came out!

The one that always gets me fahklempt is "Leader of the Band" by Dan Fogelberg, cause it reminds me of my Daddy.

[GodBlessRonaldReagan]

There's lots of great story-songs from Harry Chapin - I love "W.O.L.D.", "Taxi", "A Better Place To Be" and "Mr. Tanner", but the following is my all-time fave:

SNIPER

It is an early Monday morning.
The sun is becoming bright on the land.
No one is watching as he comes a walking.
Two bulky suitcases hang from his hands.

He heads towards the tower that stands in the campus.
He goes through the door, he starts up the stairs.
The sound of his footsteps, the sound of his breathing,
The sound of the silence when no one was there.

I didn't really know him.
He was kind of strange.
Always sort of sat there.
He never seemed to change.

He reached the catwalk. He put down his burden.
The four sided clock began to chime.
Seven AM, the day is beginning.
So much to do and so little time.

He looks at the city where no one had known him.
He looks at the sky where no one looks down.
He looks at his life and what it has shown him.
He looks for his shadow it cannot be found.

He was such a moody child, very hard to touch.
Even as a baby he never smiled too much. No no.No no.

You bug me, she said.
Your ugly, she said.
Please hug me, I said.
But she just sat there
With the same flat stare
That she saves for me alone
When I'm home.
When I'm home.
Take me home.

He laid out the rifles, he loaded the shotgun,
He stacked up the cartridges along the wall.
He knew he would need them for his conversation.
If it went as it he planned, then he might use them all.

He said Listen you people I've got a question
You won't pay attention but I'll ask anyhow.
I found a way that will get me an answer.
Been waiting to ask you 'till now.
Right now !

Am I ?
I am a lover whose never been kissed.
Am I ?
I am a fighter whose not made a fist.
Am I ?
If I'm alive then there's so much I've missed.
How do I know I exist ?
Are you listening to me ?
Are you listening to me ?
Am I ?

The first words he spoke took the town by surprise.
One got Mrs. Gibbons above her right eye.
It blew her through the window wedged her against the door.
Reality poured from her face, staining the floor.
He was kind of creepy,
Sort of a dunce.
I met him at the corner bar.
I only dated the poor boy once,
That's all. Just once, that was all.

Bill Whedon was questioned as stepped from his car.
Tom Scott ran across the street but he never got that far.
The police were there in minutes, they set up baricades.
He spoke right on over them in a half-mile circle.
In a dumb struck city his pointed questions were sprayed.

He knocked over Danny Tyson as he ran towards the noise.
Just about then the answers started comming. Sweet, sweet joy.
Thudding in the clock face, whining off the walls,
Reaching up to where he sat there, answering calls.

Thirty-seven people got his message so far.
Yes, he was reaching them right were they are.

They set up an assault team. They asked for volunteers.
They had to go and get him, that much was clear.
And the word spread about him on the radios and TV's.
In appropriately sober tone they asked "Who can it be ?"

He was a very dull boy, very taciturn.
Not much of a joiner, he did not want to learn.
No no.No no.

They're coming to get me, they don't want to let me
Stay in the bright light too long.
It's getting on noon now, it's goin to be soon now.
But oh, what a wonderful sound !

Mama, won't you nurse me ?
Rain me down the sweet milk of your kindness.
Mama, it's getting worse for me.
Won't you please make me warm and mindless ?

Mama, yes you have cursed me.
I never will forgive you for your blindness.
I hate you!

The wires are all humming for me.
And I can hear them coming for me.
Soon they'll be here, but there's nothing to fear.
Not any more though they've blasted the door.

As the copter dropped the gas he shouted " Who cares ?" .
They could hear him laughing as they started up the stairs.
As they stormed out on the catwalk, blinking at the sun,
With their final fusillade his answer had come.

Am I ?
There is no way that you can hide me.
Am I ?
Though you have put your fire inside me.
Am I ?
You've given me my answer can't you see ?
I was !
I am !
and now I Will Be
I WILL BE !!!

[ecurbh]

Since my game isn't going well, I guess I'll post one too.

Albuquerque
By Weird Al Yankovic

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from jerry’s bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin
It wa driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said hey, mom, what’s with all the sauerkraut?
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said it’s good for you
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

That’s when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in leonard nimoy’s butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of dr. pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was bio-dome with pauly shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

’cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage
I crawled on my hands and kneew for three full days
Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arived at the world famous albuquerque holiday inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It’s ok, they’re clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the a/c
And I turned on the spectravision
And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say who is it?
No answer
Who is it?
There’s no answer
Who is it?
They’re not sayin’ anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a flock-of-seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I’m right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I’m like hey, you can’t have that
That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me
And he’s like tough
And I’m like give it
And he’s like make me
And I’m like ’kay
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
And you know what it said?
I’ll tell you what it said

It said
If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator
If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again
If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator

In albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says yeah, what do ya want?
I said you got any glazed donuts?
He said no, we’re outta glazed donuts
I said you got any jelly donuts?
He said no, we’re outta jelly donuts
I said you got any bavarian cream-filled donuts?
He said no, we’re outta bavarian cream-filled donuts
I said you got any cinnamon rolls?
He said no, we’re outta cinnamon rolls
I said you got any apple fritters?
He said no, we’re outta apple fritters
I said you got any bear claws?
He said wait a minute, I’ll go check
No, we’re outta bear claws
I said well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?
He says all I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels
I said ok, I’ll take that

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin’ me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin’ through my head
I believe it went a little something like this . . .

Doh
Get ’em off me
Get ’em off me
Oh
No, get ’em off, get ’em off
Oh, oh god, oh god
Oh, get ’em off me
Oh, oh god
Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’
Like a constipated weiner dog
And as luck wouls have it, that’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was zelda
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I’ll never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said hey, you’ve got weasels on your face

That’s when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - nathaniel and superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, zelda said to me
She said sweetie pumpkin? do you wanna join the columbia record club?
I said woah, hold on now, baby
I’m just not ready for that kinda commitment
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that’s just the way things go

In albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin’ upi for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at the sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy marty tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself
So i, I say to him, I say hey, you want me to help you with that?
And marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He’s like hey man, I was just being sarcastic
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname - torso-boy
So what’s he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn’t had a bit in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like hey, come on, don’tcha get it?
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was i?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, ok
Anyway i, I know it’s kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
There’s still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque

I said a (a)
L (l)
B (b)
U (u)
Querque (querque)

Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque
Albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque, albuquerque

Albuquerque

(belch)

[SuziQ]

From the sublime ("Leader of the Band") to the ridiculous:

The Bottomless Lake by John Prine

Here's the story of a man and his family
And a big trip that they took
Well, I heard all about in a restaurant
And I read it in a history book
They rented a car at the Erie Canal
But the car didn't have no brake
Said Ma to Pa "My God this car"
"Is gonna fall into the Bottomless Lake"

Well, Mama turned to Daddy with a pale face
Said "I've done something horribly wrong"
"Well, the waters still runnin' in the bathtub"
And I think I left the kitchen light on"
Then I heard a crash the car when splash
And the compass rolled around and around
Oh, for Heaven's Sake! We fell in a lake
And I think we're all gonna drown

Chorus:
We are falling down
Down to the bottom of a hole in the ground
Smoke 'em if you got 'em
I'm so scared I can hardly breathe
I may never see my sweetheart again
Play once after first verse

There was plenty of food in the backseat
And the windows were rolled up tight
So we all nibbled on a chicken leg
Told stories 'way thru' the night
Well, Pa told one that he told before
And the baby got a bellyache
Said Ma to Pa "My God this car"
"Falling down a Bottomless Lake"

Repeat Chorus:

Poppa played the music on the radio
Mama rocked the baby to sleep
He said he would've taken the other road
But he didn't think the lake was that deep
Well, if the ferry been there at the end of the pier
We'd be half way to Uncle Jake's
Instead of looking at fish out the window I wish
We'd hit the bottom of the Bottomless Lake
'Stead of looking at fish out the window I wish
We'd hit the bottom of the Bottomless Lake

So if you're ever goin' on a big trip
Ya better be careful out there
Start everything on you good foot
And wear clean underwear
Take along a Bible in the backseat
Read of David and Solomon
For if you make a mistake in the Bottomless Lake
You may never see your sweetheart again
If you should make a mistake in the Bottomless Lake
You may never see your sweetheart again
If you should make a mistake in the Bottomless Lake
You may never see your sweetheart again

[HairOfTheDog]

I too cry at "Leader of the Band".

[Overtaxed]

Don't believe I've heard that one.

[HairOfTheDog]

Eeek. That song is a horrid story! I've never heard it I don't think... I'll try to get it.

[SuziQ]

"El Paso" was one of my Daddy's favorite's too! He had a great booming bass voice, and I loved to hear him sing it! He also loved "Ghost Riders in the Sky".

[HairOfTheDog]

I don't know that one... I'll look for it.

[HairOfTheDog]

LEADER OF THE BAND
Dan Fogelberg

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker’s son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn’t wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers’ lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And I’m in colorado
When I’m not in some hotel
Living out this life I’ve chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don’t think i
Said ’i love you’ near enough --

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I’m just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

[Rocko]

Joan of Arc

Now the flames they followed Joan of Arc as she came riding through the dark;
no moon to keep her armour bright,
no man to get her through this very smoky night.
She said, "I'm tired of the war,
I want the kind of work I had before,
a wedding dress or something white
to wear upon my swollen appetite."

Well, I'm glad to hear you talk this way,
you know I've watched you riding every day
and something in me yearns to win
such a cold and lonesome heroine.
"And who are you?" she sternly spoke
to the one beneath the smoke.
"Why, I'm fire," he replied,
"And I love your solitude, I love your pride."

"Then fire, make your body cold,
I'm going to give you mine to hold,"
saying this she climbed inside
to be his one, to be his only bride.
And deep into his fiery heart
he took the dust of Joan of Arc,
and high above the wedding guests
he hung the ashes of her wedding dress.

It was deep into his fiery heart
he took the dust of Joan of Arc,
and then she clearly understood
if he was fire, oh then she must be wood.
I saw her wince, I saw her cry,
I saw the glory in her eye.
Myself I long for love and light,
but must it come so cruel, and oh so bright?

Copyright © 1971 Leonard Cohen
and Sony/ATV Music Publishing Canada Company

[Bear_in_RoseBear]

Tennessee Stud

Love Tennessee Ernie Ford's version of that song!

[HairOfTheDog]

That's a new one to me too!

[PzLdr]

"Battle of New Orleans" [Johnny Horton]

[Rocko]

It's on his Songs of Love and Hate, and at least one of his live albums...and it has a lovely melody.

[RosieCotton]

Doc Watson's will always be my favorite, though. Grew up listening to him every chance I got.

Norman Blake has some of the best lyrics EVER, but I can't seem to find a good site with his songs...

[SuziQ]

I'll see your "Tennessee Stud", and raise it:

The Idaho Spud (John Thomson)

Along about nineteen eighty four
I left Sun Valley, it was such a bore
I packed up my Ray-Bans and my Gucci duds,
And I went out to work in the Idaho spuds.

Chorus:
The Idaho spud is long and green
It's covered with butter and sour cream.
Just dig her from the ground and clean off the mud -
There never was a tater like the Idaho spud.

I drove on down unto Burley town
Found a cute little russet kind of knobby and brown
I said, "Sweet thing, I'll dig you later
Right now I'm a-lookin' for an Idaho tater.

Chorus

They eat them lobsters on the coast of Maine,
And Gila monsters on the Texas plain
Folks Down Under eat the witchery grub,
But they all taste better with the Idaho spud

Chorus

You can make it into Vodka, you can make it into beer,
You can eat it with a chicken or an old dead steer.
Stopper up a gas can, serve it at the club
There never was a tater like the Idaho spud.

Chorus

They got nuclear waste on the desert floor,
The NEC wants to ship in more
A big hole in the ground where they're dumpin' their crud -
Radioactive Idaho spud

Chorus

(Last verse to be used depending on the audience and the singer's good judgment)

I got a cute little mutant on the cabin floor,
Another half a kid to stop the door
They light right up like green tomaters
Cuzz I'm feedin' them youngsters on nuclear potaters.

Chorus

from Faith Petric's CD, "When Did We Have Sauerkraut?"

[JenB]

Good... lord. That is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen on the internet. Like the literary equivalent of a train wreck, I read in bemused horror and fascination.

Please tell me there's no tune.

Hey, why hasn't anyone posted "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins"?