Norway
Germany
Chees.
PING-A-LING. Care to check it out?
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal s... e... x... y...
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5-year old child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional *ss-whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickies are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10.Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
Norway
Germany
Chees.
A dumb blonde walks into a bar and says ouch. Then she falls and smacks her head. The bartender says "How's your head?" She replied "I haven't had any complaints so far."
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local Town Hall where a flower show was in progress. The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring.We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The smiling and naked old lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."
You never know what will happen if you get to wish !!
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother".
The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........
"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
MARTHA STEWART'S CONFINED LIVING!.......
Teacher admits sex with 5 students...
Posted under this picture...
Which begs the question...
Just why are we paying tax dollars for public schools? How much more stupid could those students be?
Shalom.
headlinehumor.com
Shalom.
Thanks for the ping BigB, here's one for ya;
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other
and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home
after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before getting to
the
driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes
off
before I go into the house. I sneak up the stairs, get
undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg
to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up
and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong
approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps,
throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the bottom and
shout, 'WHO'S HORNY' ... and she acts like she is asleep every time."
Cheers!
ping lol
What is a CAT?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a DOG?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss!
CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
An old couple is having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years.?"
"Yes," he replies. "Fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. And we were probably naked as jaybirds."
"Well," the old woman snickers, "should we get naked again for old time's sake?"
So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. "You know," the old woman says breathlessly, "my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."
"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!"
We should ALL be this Happy Today! Even though I'll be working this weekend, My attitude will be fun in the sun!!! Oh, Happy Day, Oh Happy Day.... KimmieyThis thread is hilarious today!
Happy Friday, everyone.