I would be the lucky person in the world if I could only find someone as terrific, sexy, good looking, smart, witty, interesting, did I say sexy? and humble, yeah, that too!
Posted on 04/15/2005 3:37:41 PM PDT by pissant
Turn your Grumpy Grant into a Happy Herbie with these simple tips!
When he comes home from a hard day at work, greet him at the door wearing nothing but two chicken legs as pasties.
Show him you love absolutely everything about him by wearing his soiled underpants on your head and putting on a puppet show with his dirty socks.
Prepare his favourite meal and arrange the food on his plate into a scene from his favourite movie. (You may need food colouring, pimento and asparagus).
Buy several fashions magazines and point out all the the beautiful women he could be with. Then cry.
Make a list of all the things he hates and lobby congress to ban them.
When he farts, applaud.
Change your perfume so that you will smell like a new car or gorditas.
Call his boss and tell him/her to look after your "honey bunny".
Free him from repetitious tasks by answering all his personal mail.
Invite his family over for dinner every night.
Buy an accordion and hold a "Love Parade" every Saturday in front of your house.
Henna tattoo your name backwards on his forehead while he's sleeping. That way every time he makes a lane change in the car he'll think of you.
Go through his favourite books with Liquid Paper and place his name in place of the protagonist and jolly up the evil bits.
Always say yes. And nothing else. Ever.
Now, you've done it!
Why didn't I marry you??
Hey now, it was written by a chick!!!!!!!
She was KIDDING!
;-)
Hells bells, then I'm gonna retract that!
I am highly demanding, aggravating, and irritable. I wouldn't want to be married to me.
Hmm, a pissant thread, and guess who is posting to it?
I'd prefer chicken thighs to drumsticks for pasties.
The rest? Nah, only the first one interests me.
woman to man: God made us beautiful so you would be attracted to us. He made us stupid so we would be attracted to you.
There we go, I was beginning to think you'd lost the curmudgeonly touch.
Hell, no.
I would be the lucky person in the world if I could only find someone as terrific, sexy, good looking, smart, witty, interesting, did I say sexy? and humble, yeah, that too!
Sick stuff, PA. If she wants to make him happy, she should have her knockout girlfriend greet him from time to time when he comes home.
I like that idea!
I love men (especially my husband and my dad, but not in the same way), but they are such babies.
That guy has obviously had many boyfriends.
Me too. How come wimmen never think of this stuff?
I'd prefer breasts. Isn't that funny? I'm a white meat type.
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