Posted on 11/22/2005 2:27:49 AM PST by mukraker
(Transcript of future State-of-the-Union Speech)
My Fellow Americans. As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that second list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nat!ions on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need help with a famine? Call France. Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. But no more ftree handouts. If you want money from your fellow taxpayers, you'll have to work for it. Put in some time at a homeless shelter. Volunteer at a V.A. hospital. Pick up garbage along the highways. Read to schoolkids. There's a lot of work that needs to be done. You're going to start earning the money Uncle sam pays you.
A word to terrorists. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. You’re so anxious to go meet Allah, we’ll help you get there fast. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty, starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
Immediately, we'll also be drilling for oil in Alaska and off our own shores - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above. Pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America. Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
It's a great thought. But, I seriously doubt we'll live to see it.
The tradgedy of it all is that, I would bet, most Americans really feel this way.
What a load of tripe. Cutting US foreign aid would pay for the Iraq war - in well over 20 years. I'm heartily moved by this call for isolationism. It's worked so well in the past! Surely the islamofascists won't get state sponsored support against us when we bug out of the world scene.
Take a deep breath, and lighten up. this was a light-hearted post, not to be taken so seriously. Laugh at the world occasionally, and lower your blood pressure.
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