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Cuddling cowboys movie? No thanks, not interested
Contra Costa Times ^ | 1/6/6 | TOM BARNIDGE

Posted on 01/06/2006 7:59:36 AM PST by SmithL

I remember the moment I first saw the trailer for "Brokeback Mountain," the movie that has captured critics' hearts. I leaned over to my wife, Faith, and gently whispered into her ear: "Well, it's about time. America has been needing a movie about gay cowboys."

I've always wondered how they whiled away the long nights on the prairie. And why it took four weeks to drive the herd to market. Now we know what Tonto really meant with all that talk about his "kemo sabe."

So "Brokeback Mountain" is already a classic? I think David Letterman may have put it best: "If you enjoy seeing men kiss, then this is the movie to see."

Critics have described the film as "an epic love story," photographed with "heart-pounding beauty" and "unmissable." And who am I to argue with epic love or, for that matter, heart-pounding beauty? "Unmissable" is a whole other issue. There are so many things I'd rather do than see this film. Clean the garage. Paint the house. Resod the neighborhood.

Of all the mental images I will allow to claim space in my head, broad-shouldered cowboys cuddling in a bedroll is not one. Even though I'm certain it is a tender moment of silver screen magic. Sort of like "Casablanca," only with men.

We'll always have that night on the range, Ennis.

And before we go any further, let me make a request: Kindly hold the hate mail. I'm not a close-minded, insensitive, homophobic skinhead. I have a full head of hair.

I don't want to see this movie for the same reasons I don't attend Russian spelling bees or read books about nuclear physics. I have a hard time relating to the subject matter. (And again, in the interest of sensitivity, I have nothing against Russian spellers or nuclear physicists.)

The commercials for "Brokeback Mountain" keep sneaking onto my TV set, and my mind wanders in places in shouldn't go. What about Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid? What about Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday? Roy Rogers? Gene Autry? Shane? What about all those lonely gunhands holed up at the Alamo for all those nights and days?

My hat's off to anyone who finds love. Men with women. Women with women. Men with men. But I don't plan to spend $12 and set aside two hours to watch it consummated under 10-gallon hats.

Faith thinks I'm sadly predictable in this regard, which is why she saw the film without me. She thinks I'm too conventional, and maybe she's right. I'm not even sure I want to see "King Kong": I'm not all that comfortable with a gigantic ape dating a 37-year-old blonde.


Tom Barnidge is the Times sports editor. Reach him at tbarnidge@cctimes.com.


TOPICS: Sports; TV/Movies
KEYWORDS: brokebacked; hollyweird; lolol; moviereview; nothanks; pudding; queereye4cowboyguy
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1 posted on 01/06/2006 7:59:37 AM PST by SmithL
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To: SmithL

I love some of the radio responses.

Rush said that Hollywood would do better if it had more gay characters. And Savage called it, "Bareback Mountain".

I'm still laughing at their reprobate failings that led to this stupid idea, straight from Romans 1. =]


2 posted on 01/06/2006 8:02:28 AM PST by Arthur Wildfire! March (Fight corruption by choking government power and curbing government spending.)
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: Uncle Mom

Or a movie about two sodomizing horses.


4 posted on 01/06/2006 8:04:18 AM PST by Arthur Wildfire! March (Fight corruption by choking government power and curbing government spending.)
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Comment #5 Removed by Moderator

To: SmithL

Forget the gay factor for a second. This movie is about two cheaters. The fact that their infidelity is being glorified is more disgusting than their sexual preference.

What another load of Hollywood horsecrap.


6 posted on 01/06/2006 8:08:29 AM PST by Blzbba (Sub sole nihil novi est)
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To: SmithL
Good stuff. Except they're sheepherders, not cowboys.
7 posted on 01/06/2006 8:08:34 AM PST by JennysCool (Non-Y2K-Compliant)
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Comment #8 Removed by Moderator

To: JennysCool
Except they're sheepherders,

So, that's why he said "I only have eyes for ewe".

9 posted on 01/06/2006 8:10:41 AM PST by SmithL (Jerusalem, Jerusalem, Lift up your gates and sing, Hosana in the highest! Hosana to your King!)
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To: SmithL

The sheep were skittish for quite a while.......then, one night, things settled down.....


10 posted on 01/06/2006 8:17:30 AM PST by BIGLOOK (I once opposed keelhauling but recently have come to my senses.)
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To: SmithL
Cuddling cowboys movie? No thanks, not interested

Roger that.

11 posted on 01/06/2006 8:18:30 AM PST by Lazamataz (I have a Chinese family renting an apartment from me. They are lo mein tenants.)
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Comment #12 Removed by Moderator

Comment #13 Removed by Moderator

To: TerraFirma

IBTZ???


14 posted on 01/06/2006 8:25:04 AM PST by NathanR (Apri moi, le deluge.)
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Comment #15 Removed by Moderator

To: SmithL
Hollywood lost me as a customer about 8 years ago.I've had no more use for what they've produced since then than I do for a steaming plate of good old Ft Knox excrement on a shingle.
16 posted on 01/06/2006 8:30:36 AM PST by Gay State Conservative
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To: TerraFirma
I think most straight guys would have just stayed in Philadelphia and get married.

Even the ones born and raised in El Paso?

17 posted on 01/06/2006 8:32:39 AM PST by Gay State Conservative
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Comment #18 Removed by Moderator

To: SmithL
What about Hopalong Cassidy? You left him out. The first TV ad I saw about Broadback, I thought of Hopalong and his sidekick Dusty. Nah, I don't think they were that way, but I could be wrong.
19 posted on 01/06/2006 8:40:35 AM PST by jazusamo (A Progressive is only a Socialist in a transparent disguise.)
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To: SmithL

Are you still beating this dead horse? Don't like it? Don't see it. Easy as that.

And FYI, for those of you who are clueless, "Eating Pudding" is a lesbian term.


20 posted on 01/06/2006 8:49:49 AM PST by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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Comment #21 Removed by Moderator

Comment #22 Removed by Moderator

To: TerraFirma
Image hosted by TinyPic.com
You may have something there. Just look at the shirts worn by Roy Rogers. Not too manly,eh?
23 posted on 01/06/2006 8:53:14 AM PST by Old Seadog (Inside every old person is a young person saying "WTF happened?".)
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To: Lazamataz

In the 18th century "roger" meant "f@ck"


24 posted on 01/06/2006 8:54:36 AM PST by justshutupandtakeit (Public Enemy #1, the RATmedia.)
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To: justshutupandtakeit

Gives a whole new meaning to Buck Rogers then, doesn't it?


25 posted on 01/06/2006 9:00:35 AM PST by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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To: Uncle Mom

Do you use milk from horses to make the pudding?


26 posted on 01/06/2006 9:01:02 AM PST by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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To: Uncle Mom

So you missed the news from Seattle - where else - about the death of a man due to sex with a horse? Let your imagination work on what hasn't been said - or not.


27 posted on 01/06/2006 9:01:45 AM PST by dhuffman@awod.com (The conspiracy of ignorance masquerades as common sense.)
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To: Uncle Mom

So you missed the news from Seattle - where else - about the death of a man due to sex with a horse? Let your imagination work on what hasn't been said - or not.


28 posted on 01/06/2006 9:03:15 AM PST by dhuffman@awod.com (The conspiracy of ignorance masquerades as common sense.)
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To: Woman on Caroline Street

Settle down. Don't get so upset about the lack of PC. If it upsets you, just don't read it.


29 posted on 01/06/2006 9:04:26 AM PST by jazusamo (A Progressive is only a Socialist in a transparent disguise.)
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To: jazusamo

My point exactly about beating this dead horse subject.


30 posted on 01/06/2006 9:06:01 AM PST by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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Comment #31 Removed by Moderator

To: Woman on Caroline Street
Ewwwww. I didn't know that and it explains a lot of references to pudding that I've seen.

I have another question - do people use the word "SERIES" instead of "SERIOUS" deliberately, or is this a simple typo/misspelling. I assumed the latter for a long time, but it is just too prevalent not to be intentional. Hope you can clear that up for me too!
32 posted on 01/06/2006 9:11:04 AM PST by GOPPachyderm
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To: Woman on Caroline Street

To many it is not a dead horse subject. It is a subject that offends many people deeply and a lot of them find humor in joking about it. I confess that includes me.


33 posted on 01/06/2006 9:13:54 AM PST by jazusamo (A Progressive is only a Socialist in a transparent disguise.)
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To: Uncle Mom
Real-Life Script Idea
34 posted on 01/06/2006 9:30:57 AM PST by LongElegantLegs (Puppymillalicious!)
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To: Woman on Caroline Street

I'm not into cows, sheep, or horses, but thanks for asking.
; )


35 posted on 01/06/2006 9:46:49 AM PST by SmithL (Jerusalem, Jerusalem, Lift up your gates and sing, Hosana in the highest! Hosana to your King!)
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To: NathanR

Do you mean "After me, the deluge" in your tagline? If so, the first word should be spelled "Aprez", I believe.


36 posted on 01/06/2006 9:50:02 AM PST by MortMan (There is no substitute for victory.)
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To: Uncle Mom
Hi, Uncle Mom:

You've obviously not seen Arthur Penn's "The Missouri Breaks", from 1976. Where in one scene, bounty hunter Marlon Brando moves behind his horse while discussing Jack Nicholson's fate and does something to the animal while Nicholson looks on.

Jack.

37 posted on 01/06/2006 9:59:39 AM PST by Jack Deth (Knight Errant and Disemboweler of the WFTD Thread)
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To: Jack Deth
I remember that touching little scene with Brando. There were other incidents similar to that in other movies. He also led what many would call a life of aberrant behavior. I just call him weird.
38 posted on 01/06/2006 10:20:28 AM PST by jazusamo (A Progressive is only a Socialist in a transparent disguise.)
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Comment #39 Removed by Moderator

To: SmithL
Want to see something scarier than Cuddling Cowboys?


40 posted on 01/06/2006 10:49:56 AM PST by cgk (I don't see myself as a conservative. I see myself as a religious, right-wing, wacko extremist.)
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To: MortMan
Thank, you. My french is very rusty.
41 posted on 01/06/2006 10:56:07 AM PST by NathanR (Aprez moi, le deluge.)
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To: justshutupandtakeit
In the 18th century "roger" meant "f@ck"

Well then.



Roger Clinton.

 

And that's all I have to say about that. < /Forrest Gump>

42 posted on 01/06/2006 10:58:21 AM PST by Lazamataz (I have a Chinese family renting an apartment from me. They are lo mein tenants.)
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To: Woman on Caroline Street

Lol. I read a book a few months ago discussing this word and quoting from William Byrd's diary while in London around 1760. He was rogering everything in sight.


43 posted on 01/06/2006 11:24:23 AM PST by justshutupandtakeit (Public Enemy #1, the RATmedia.)
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To: GOPPachyderm

It started as a typo, but now it's a running joke...


44 posted on 01/06/2006 11:29:58 AM PST by HeadOn (Don't start none, won't be none.)
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To: GOPPachyderm

....but you KNEW that, didn't you?.....


45 posted on 01/06/2006 11:32:31 AM PST by HeadOn (Don't start none, won't be none.)
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To: Old Seadog

I think Roy's shirts are real purdy....:)


46 posted on 01/06/2006 11:33:39 AM PST by najida (When I'm good, I'm very very good, and when I'm bad, things get broken.)
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To: dhuffman@awod.com

did the horse kick the guy? i hope so. wasnt there some scene in the Deadwood series where some guy does something to a horse? i heard about sheep & guys sticking their back legs in their boots but i never really believed it. i hope sheep give a nasty bite too. this is all to odd for me. i know now why i dont go to the movies.


47 posted on 01/06/2006 11:41:02 AM PST by pandoraou812
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To: Uncle Mom

Which was penetrating who and where? The male 'friend' IIRC reported the incident.


48 posted on 01/06/2006 1:05:07 PM PST by dhuffman@awod.com (The conspiracy of ignorance masquerades as common sense.)
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To: SmithL

Going to see it in a couple of hours. Got to see what all the uproar is about.


49 posted on 01/06/2006 1:08:33 PM PST by Prodigal Son
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To: SmithL

bump with no comment


50 posted on 01/06/2006 1:10:03 PM PST by Ciexyz (Let us always remember, the Lord is in control.)
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