The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun battle breaks and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One U. S. Army Special Forces soldier is better than fifty Taliban."
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 50 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The American voice calls out again "One U. S. Special Forces soldier is better than one hundred Taliban."
The enraged Taliban Commander musters one hundread of his best fighters and sends then across the dune. Gunfire, grenades, machine gun fire, rockets, etc ring out as a huge battle is fought.
Then silence!
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his Taliban Commander, "Don't send anymore men, its a trap. There's two of them!"
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A Marine Recon platoon was on patrol when the Lt. noticed a lone Special Forces soldier standing on a hill top in their area. The Lt. told two of his men to go take out that man. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the SF soldier. Just before they got to the top, the SF soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The two marines followed. For the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the SF soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines. The Lt., pissed, called for a squad to go get that SF soldier. They promptly ran as fast as they could toward the SF soldier. Just before they got to the top, the SF soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The marine squad followed. For the next few minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air. Then as quick as it had started, it stopped and the SF soldier came up on the hill top. He brushed off his bdu's, straightened his beret, crossed his arms and stood there looking at the marines. The Lt. was really hot now. He ordered the rest of his platoon to attack the SF soldier.
Determined that Marine Recon was far superior to the one SF soldier they had blood in their eyes as they ran up the hill.
Just before they got to the top, the SF soldier ran over the other side of the hill. The Marine's followed. For many minutes there were bloody screams and dust flying in the air.
It continued and continued. Finally there was one lone Marine crawling back to the Lt., all bloody and beat about the head and shoulders. His bdu's were torn, cuts were all over his body. The Lt. asked for a sitrep. The lone Marine, bloody and beaten replied in a forceful and fearful voice "Sir, run, its a trick. There are TWO of them!!"
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A C-141 was preparing for departure from a base in Thule, Greenland and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, but the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the Aircraft Commander berated the Airman for his lack of speed and promised to pursue punitive action, the Airman responded:
"Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I am stationed in Thule and I am pumping s**t out of airplanes. Just what are you planning to do to punish me?"
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Special Forces General Yarborough had a way of getting your attention real quick. He would enter a theater full of troops and double-time down the aisle as the troops were called to attention. After he yelled, "As you were". he would drop and do 50 pushups and then jump up and begin speaking.
On one hot summer day on Smoke Bomb Hill, the General was talking and talking until a young buck sergeant dozed off. "Sergeant-Major", yelled the General, "There's a sergeant sleeping in the front row". The SGM ran to the front of the theater and reached out to shake the sergeant awake, but General Yarborough ordered.
"No Sergeant-Major, let him sleep. As long as he's asleep, he's a sergeant. When he wakes up he'll be a corporal".
Submitted by:
Robert Eppens
USARA member
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A father and his son were walking through the Manhattan Financial District when they come across an empty space and the Father stops to reflect for a while.
"Imagine son," the father says, "exactly 31 years ago the great "New York 's World Trade center Twin Towers" stood proudly in this area".
Intrigued by the comment, the son asks "What were the Twin Towers, dad?" To which the father replies "They were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but on September 11 2001, they were destroyed by IslamoFascists."
The son pauses for a while and then asks "What are IslamoFascists, dad?"
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A crusty old Marine Corps gunny found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the gunny for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?"
"No," the gunny said, "just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The gunny's short reply was, "Yes, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself."
The gunny just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had any?" The gunny looked at her and replied, "1955."
She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously, I mean, nothing since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?"
The Gunny, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice,"Oh, I don't know .........
it's only 2130 now!"
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A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman. and a Marine, got into an argument about which service is "The Best." The arguing became so heated, that they eventually ended up killing each other.
Soon, they found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Soon they meet St Peter and decide that only he would be the ultimate source of truth and honesty so they ask him:
"St Peter, which branch of the American Armed Forces is the best?"
St. Peter instantly replies: "I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what he thinks the next time I see him."
Some time later the three see St. Peter again and remind him of the question and ask if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on St. Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note with glistening gold dust.
St. Peter says to the four men, "Your answer from the Boss. Let's see what he says." St Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and St Peter begins to read it aloud to the four young men:
MEMORANDUM TO SOLDIERS, SEAMEN, MARINES, AND AIRMEN SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is The Best?
"Gentlemen, all the Branches of the Armed Services are Honorable and Noble. Each of you served your country well and with distinction. Being a member of the American Armed Forces represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication. Be proud of that."
Very Respectfully,
GOD, USA SF (Ret.)
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While on a training deployment the Captain and the 1st Sgt were in the field. As they hit the rack for the night, the following exchange took place.
1st Sgt: "Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Capt: "I see millions of stars."
1st Sgt: "And what does that tell you, sir?"
Capt: "From an astronomy perspective, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?" 1st Sgt: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent!!"
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An Airborne Ranger goes into a bar. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears;
"You look great in that uniform!" He looks around - there's nobody near him.
He hears the voice again;
"No really, you look terrific with your spit-shined boots and beret."
The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears;
"Is that a new beret color or something? Because you are definitely distinctive!"
He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar.
"Hey," the Ranger calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?"
"Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary." ------------------------------------------------------------
A platoon sergeant, a corporal, and a private were walking down a trail one morning.
The PSG noticed a beat-up lamp sitting in the brush. He picked it up and used his sleeve to rub some of the grime off, and as he was doing so a genie exited the lamp with a purpose.
"OK," said the genie, " since I usually only grant three wishes, I will give each of you just one."
He turned to the PVT.
"What do you want the most?"
The PVT was quick.
"I want to be in Cancun with a beautiful woman who sunbathes topless."
The genie snaps his fingers and the PVT is gone.
He then asks the CPL, "What do you want the most?"
The CPL answers, "I want to be in Miami jet skiing with a beautiful woman on one arm and a Pina Colada in my hand." The genie snaps his fingers and the CPL disappears.
He then turns to the PSG and asks him, "What do you want the most?"
The PSG said, "I want those guys back in the motor pool after lunch."
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A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the rest room at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues.
The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man.
Would you like to wear my hat?"
"Boy, would I!," said the little boy.
He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror. As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room.
But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say;
"Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?"
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?"
The little boy smiled, and said; "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"
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An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are the bravest?
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossible" as he reaches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier. When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.".
The SEAL (being the highly trained special operator that he is) turned running towards the cliff. After performing a triple-lindy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't anything," and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff, then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle." And with that the Force Recon Marine moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says "Very nice gentlemen, but here is true bravery" and turning towards his BEST, A Special Forces NCO. he says "I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."
The Green Beret looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, then he says "YOU'RE CRAZY, SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.
The General turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says "Now gentlemen, that's BRAVE." -------------------------------------------------------------
A Native American walks into a bar -- shotgun in one hand, bucket of outhouse effluent in the other, and a cat trailing behind him. He sets the bucket and the shotgun down and slaps the bar while saying, "Gimme beer!"
The Bartender pours a large ice-cold mug and slings it down the bar. The Native American grabs the mug, hoists it in the air and downs the whole thing in one gulp. Then he reaches down, grabs the bucket and tosses it into the air.
Like lightning, he grabs the shotgun, aims and fires, blowing the bucket into pieces. At that point, the cat takes off running out the front door of the bar. Immediately, the Native American takes off after the cat, and they both disappear into the distance.
Four days later, the Native American walks into the bar -- shotgun in one hand, bucket of outhouse effluent in the other, and a cat trailing behind him. He sets the bucket and the shotgun down and slaps the bar saying, "Gimme beer!"
Bartender says, "Wait a minute. I haven't finished cleaning up from the last time you were in here! What's this all about?" The Native American says, "Me in Pilot Training!" Bartenders says, "So, what's that got to do with the ruckus you raised the last time you were in here?"
"Me practice to be pilot -- drink beer, talk s--t, make lots of money, chase pussy, and gone for days!"
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"THE CREATION"
written in 1977 by LTC Robert K. Suchke,
USA SF Retired Special Forces verse added in 1981
SFA Member D-3644
.....And the Lord spake forth unto the heavens and said, "let there be Airborne."
The earth then did tremble and quake
and the waters did rise up
and the clouds did part
and there came forth
a multitude of parachutes that filled the sky.
God looked down and saw this was good.
And they were good; they were AIRBORNE.
God then spake forth unto the land and said:
"Let there be Rangers."
And all at once the day turned into darkness,
and the winds did howl,
and mountains crumbled into the sea,
and the great rocks did part,
and there sprang forth
a horde of Mephistopheles' disciples wearing Ranger tabs and carrying all sorts of deadly weapons.
God looked down and saw that this was bad.
And they were bad; they were RANGERS.
Then God spoke forth thrice, unto the sky, the earth, and the sea, and said:
"Let there be Special Forces."
Lightning did flash and thunder echoed across the sky.
Mountains spewed molten rock and rained fire upon the land.
Tidal waves surged against the shore.
Despair, disorder and turmoil did prevail.
Forthwith, there did appear a band of twelve extraordinary men.
A few came from beneath the waves;
others jumped from the sky;
and more still stalked silently from the dense forests.
Each one was in camouflage battle dress,
wearing a Green Beret.
Working together, they brought peace unto the land.
God looked down and saw that this was amazing.
And they were amazing;
they were SPECIAL FORCES.
Besides himself,
God now spake forth again and commanded:
"Let all ye that be weak in mind and body, arise and go forth."
And lo, from the abyss they crawled forward with indecision and limped meekly upon the earth.
God looked down and shook His head, for this was pathetic.
And they were pathetic;
they were LEGS.
Submitted by Jim Ringland
SFA/SOA member
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A Special Forces sergeant greeted a General as he walked down the aircraft ramp.
"Good Afternoon, General.
Those are two good looking piglets you have there." The General replied, "These are Arkansas razorbacks.
The Old Man himself gave them to me.
One for my wife and the other one for my daughter."
The Green Beret said,
"Good trade, General." -------------------------------------------------------------
While talking to a potential recruit, the military recruiter said;
"Exactly what kind of job are you looking for in the military?"
The high school kid said;
"I'm looking for something with an enlistment bonus of about $20,000, where I won't have to work too hard, and won't have to deploy overseas.
The recruiter said; "Well, what if I could hook you up with a skill that allowed you to come straight in as an E-7, where you'll only work weekdays, and you can have the base of your choice and stay there as long as you want?"
The young recruit sat up straight and said;
"Wow! Are you kidding?"
The recruiter replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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A Jump School Black Hat asked;
"What does those letters on your uniform stand for?"
The SEAL replied." I'm sorry sergeant but that information is classified."
"Do you bark like a seal?" He asked.
"No and we don't do circus acts" replied the SEAL. ------------------------------------------------------------
As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."
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The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft.
"Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
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A young soldier was making his first parachute jump. The corporal explained the procedure "You count to ten and pull the first ripcord. If the chute doesn't open, pull the second. That should do it. Then, after you land, there'll be a truck waiting to pick you up." The soldier checked his gear, called out the customary "Geronimo!" and jumped out of the plane. He counted to ten and pulled the ripcord. The chute failed to open. He pulled the second ripcord and the chute still didn't open. As he plummeted downward, he said, "I'll bet the truck won't be there either."
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Once on a training exercise in Egypt, we jumped so low, we had to run a mile before we felt the shock of our parachutes opening.
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Actual British Officer Fitness Reports
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
I would not breed from this officer.
This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
He would be out of his depth in a car parked in a puddle.
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.
This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
In my opinion, this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
He's been working with glue too much.
He would argue with a signpost.
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
He has photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
Got into the gene pool when the Lifeguard wasn't looking.
Find five buddies, preferably one with a machine gun
Head toward the noise
Kill anyone not dressed like you