Replies

Fine talk from a major-league enabler. You've made all the standard excuses for a woman staying with an abuser. Abusers are evil but so are the spouses who stay with them and allow the abusers to CONTINUE to destroy their lives and the lives of their most vulnerable and innocent children.
Those children LEARN how to deal with life and its problems from their dysfunction parents and grandparents, the abuser, the abused and the enabling extended family. The cycle will continue, thanks to thinking like yours.
I can very easily understand how your daughter stayed with that horrible, vile bastard. You helped keep her there with your own lack of courage.
I've heard ALL the standard excuses of weak people. I've also heard and seen the strength that people have to get out of these horrible, dangerous and CHILD-DESTROYING marriages. Help from family is crucial.
Your daughter made my point for me. She DID find the courage. She DID get the backbone. She DID the right thing because she stopped thinking of HER feelings and put HER CHILDREN first, as she should.

I hope she learned that NO "marriage is forever." NO faith expects people to stay where there is the kind of abuse that kills or irreparably damages.....NO faith. ANY clergy would have urged your daughter to end the dread, fear and abuse. .

You truly are a self-righteous jerk and I am thankful that I am not married to you or related to you in anyway. I pity people who have to deal with you on a daily basis.

I am not an enabler now nor have I ever been an enabler. The very minute that I heard my daughter was being abused I told her that she was moving in with us and we would help her through this whole nightmare. She was never alone with her husband after that. We had all of her things moved into our house or storage within 48 hours. I took her to a lawyer and also to a domestic abuse counselor at the DA's office. We filed for a restraining order against her husband received an emergency restraining order agaist him immediately. My husband and I have spent over $10,000 paying for the divorce and psychiatric evaluations on her monster husband. He is not allowed unsupervised visits with the children now and we hope he never will be. My daughter was so terrified of the monster that she was literally a "walking nervous breakdown" for months. We had known something was wrong; but, she wouldn't tell us she was too terrified.
NOW you mention those "details." NOW you tell the story.
Dr. Laura always scolds those callers who tell ONLY part of their story, leaving out basic information.....just like you did. She gets SO annoyed when callers ask questions and want advice, for example, and LEAVE OUT, quite deliberately, she adds, EXTREMELY IMPORTANT FACTS....why, just like you did.
It is so unfair to try to respond when only PART of a story is revealed. She has harsher words but, then, she isn't one to mince words.
By the way, you ought to listen to her. She has 22 million listeners every day.
IMHO, you are not only an enabler, but you are manipulative. It's so .... well, never mind, you get my point.

For your information my husband and I never, not for one minute, showed our children abuse or alcoholism, cheating or any other disfunctional behavior. We aren't perfect; but, we have been happily married for over 37 years. We don't drink, smoke or cheat. If anything we have been a hard example to live up to.
I didn't say that you showed them by your own behavior, but you showed them by allowing your daughter to live with that monster. At least, that was the story you said BEFORE. Now, however, you have changed your story by revealing more and more and more.....untold facts.
Typical of manipulators to withhold information.

By the way, good for you in doing what you did. Too bad you never bothered to put that in your original story. Too bad the truth finally comes out MUCH later.

Also, good for you and your long, happy marriage. Too bad for your daughter's horrible marriage and that she had to learn the hard way. But, at least she learned.

You truly are a self-righteous jerk and I am thankful that I am not married to you or related to you in anyway. I pity people who have to deal with you on a daily basis.
You show your character, manners and upbringing, or lack of them, by your insults. THAT is behavior that one hopes you didn't pass on to your daughter. Shame on you.
I haven't called you names, but then, name-calling, or ad hominem, personal attacks, are forbidden on this site.
I knew that. Perhaps, since you SEEM to be reading-deficient, you didn't know that. You do now.

I wonder why you assume that I am a male...more unclear, skewed thinking on your part with assumptions. I am a woman, an older one.

I would be chagrined if I had the misfortune to be related to you, ashamed of your manners, character and upbringing and embarrassed by your emotionalism, PUERILE thinking and TOTAL LACK of clear, straight thinking.