To: Lucky9teen; AZamericonnie; Old Sarge; 2LT Radix jr; Radix; Kathy in Alaska; kjfine; HiJinx; ...
WHO IS JACK SCHITT
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
53 posted on
04/20/2007 7:54:15 AM PDT by
tomkow6
(........pickin' my nose, bit by bit......)
To: tomkow6
To: tomkow6
Useless but Interesting SPAM Facts
- In America, it's consumed at the rate of 3.8 cans a second by more than 60 million Americans.
- It's trademarked in 92 countries, and sold in 45, from Anguilla to Zimbabwe
- If laid end-to-end, 5 billion cans would encircle the earth 12 1/2 times
- 5 billion cans of SPAM would feed a family of four, three meals a day, for 4,566,210 years
- You can grill more than 29 billion Spamburgers with it, and that supply would last 5.4 days if everyone on Earth ate one spamburger for dinner each night
- Each year, 100 million pounds (45 million kg) of Spam are sold around the world.
- SPAM is made in two U.S. locations - Austin, Minnesota, and Fremont, Nebraska - and seven other countries: England, Australia, Denmark, Phillipines, Japan, Taiwan, and South Korea.
- The average consumers of Spam are families with several children, especially in the southeastern U.S.
- In 1989, the U.S. armed forces bought 3.3 million pounds of SPAM.
- Hawaii, Alaska, Arkansas, Texas, and Alabama rate the highest in spam consumption respectively.
- Among the 50 foreign countries where Spam is sold, the UK and South Korea are the largest markets.
- In South Korea, SPAM is considered an upscale food and one of the most popular American imports. The Wall Street Journal recently spotted a Seoul executive in search of the perfect gift. The executive deliberately skipped over traditional gift items such as wine and chocolates in favor of SPAM, explaining, "It is an impressive gift."
- Hormel PR man Allen Krejci says: "SPAM has endured because of it's convenience and versatility. You can eat it hot or cold. You slice, dice, or cube it. You can eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or snacks. In fact, the only thing that limits your use of SPAM is your imagination."
- Nikita Krushchev once credited SPAM with the survival of the WWII Russian army. ''Without SPAM, we wouldn't have been able to feed our army,'' he said.
- Senator Robert Byrd of West Viginia eats a sandwich of SPAM and mayonnaise on white bread three times a week.
- Number of miles a snowmobile must drive at -30 F to fully brown a can of Spam wired to the engine: 35 (Source: The Iditarod [heard on a Madison, WI radio report for "National Canned Luncheon Meat Day, '96])
http://www.cs.berkeley.edu/~ddgarcia/spam.html
87 posted on
04/20/2007 8:52:36 AM PDT by
Lady Jag
(I dreamed I surfed all day in my monthly donor wonder bra - https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate)
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