bttt
WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY...
LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN’T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP
THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE
WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”, AND POSSIBLY HAVE
A PRESENT FOR ME.
AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY.”
I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT’S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL
REMEMBER. MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN’T SAY A WORD.
SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND
SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT.
AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID,
“GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER
THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.
I WORKED UNTIL ONE O’CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR
AND SAID,
“YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT’S YOUR
BIRTHDAY, LET’S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME.”
I SAID, “THANKS JANE, THAT’S THE GREATEST THING I’VE HEARD ALL DAY.
LET’S GO!”
WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN’T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO.
WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO
MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY.
ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, “YOU KNOW, IT’S SUCH A
BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON’T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?”
I RESPONDED, “I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?”
SHE SAID, “LET’S GO TO MY APARTMENT.”
AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID,
“BOSS, IF YOU DON’T MIND, I’M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A
MOMENT. I’LL BE RIGHT BACK.”
“OK.” I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.
SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES, SHE
CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE,
KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY”. AND I JUST SAT THERE...ON THE COUCH...
NAKED.