Posted on 08/31/2007 7:39:36 PM PDT by snugs
Jeez, I’m late getting on to this *come to think of it, I didn’t get in on last weeks thread either...d’oh!*
ANYway, I took off Friday for a drive up to Pleasanton, CA to catch on Saturday the 142nd Caledonian Society of San Francisco’s Highland Games and Gathering http://www.caledonian.org/games/gamesmain.html , which I took a pass on last year.
I’d been going for almost 9 years at that point.
I had the best time, ever, since attending. It was purely sublime, although HOT...which is not unusual for the time of year (cooler than Fresno, however, due to breezes and lower humidity) I met some folks who are involved in Clan Stewart, whom I joined back in May, and was also able to catch up with a buddy from Modesto, enjoyed a cigar while going walkabout with him, and after leaving, had a nice dinner, and took in a movie *Balls of Fury...oh yeah, stupid fun!*
Today I drove to the Bay Area *Sunnyvale, in particular* and caught up with another friend, spending 3 hours together, enjoying conversation and seeing the new apt. complex she’s moving into, and her handiwork at getting her invalid mother’s house cleaned up in order to sell.
I then hit the road to come back home...a 3 hour drive (snugs, have you heard the phrase “200 years, or 200 miles”? I drove a little over double that times that in 2 days).
Tomorrow, catching up on “domestics” aka laundry, and whatever else catches my fancy
Maybe like things attract. I like to be myself and I’m drawn to others who are just relaxed and themselves. Although we never really know, do we? Anyway, I met my late soul mate like that. Neither one of us had to put on airs and all our faults were ok with each other. I look at people all the time and wonder what makes them tick. I think all introspective persons feel like outsiders as they watch the world go by. These old sayings only work if applied in certain ways. The one that gets me is Money does not buy happiness. Hah. I know I’m always much happier when I have money. As far as these miserable rich people go, they’d be just as miserable poor.
Actually, our offices in London were one of the first places to convert to cubicles in the latest round of stupidity. I guess the stupidity has been confined to the big, international companies. I think much of the stupidity in our company starts with the Dutch.
Bill
First, the cliche to "just be yourself" means that you are talking to someone who doesn't have a clue how to help you but doesn't want to admit that he or she has no good advice to give. I spent years "being myself," and the only conclusion that I could draw was that women didn't like me for myself.
To some extent, that conclusion wasn't true. As I've said many times, I'm not good in most small group situations. I don't come across well in the typical party situation or after church situation where groups of four to eight people are standing around and talking. When I'm "being myself" in those situations, I'm allowing women to see the weakest part of who I am.
My strength is in one on one conversation, and the person that people see in those conversations is much better than the person that they see in the group settings. In reality, the person is the same, but the qualities that make me strong in individual conversations make me weak in groups. If I were ever going to have success with women, I should have been asking them to get together with me for one on one conversations. These conversations would have led to friendships which in some cases would have led to dates, but I doubt that I would have had much success going directly to the date scenario. Unfortunately, when I was your age, the church really seemed to discourage this kind of direct pursuit of relationships. Instead, we were supposed to get to know each other in group settings first. That strategy assured that I would always fail.
My advice would be to try to decide where your area of strength is and then try to meet women in that situation. If you are better in groups, you should meet women in groups. If you are better alone, you should try to meet them alone. In college, I knew a guy who didn't play basketball with the fellowship group very often. His reason was that he wasn't good at basketball and didn't like doing something where he couldn't be good. I remember thinking that it was somewhat cowardly to avoid any situation where he couldn't be a star. However, the fact is that by avoiding situations where he didn't look good, he made himself very popular with the women in the fellowship. He ended up marrying the woman whom he liked. If I'd been able to do as he did, I'd be a much happier man today.
I don't know that I've helped you at all, but those are my first thoughts.
Bill
I get the impression that I have to be "on" all of the time and specifically with women. It's my own personal mindset that "well if you don't do everything absolutely perfect with this woman, she'll hang all over the bodybuilder she really wants instead of me. So no mistakes whatsoever or I'm done."
I think all introspective persons feel like outsiders as they watch the world go by.
Don't I know it. I do get that "well there odds are stil l likely I'm going to be middle aged and have no one left" thought in my mind frequently.
These old sayings only work if applied in certain ways. The one that gets me is Money does not buy happiness. Hah. I know I’m always much happier when I have money. As far as these miserable rich people go, they’d be just as miserable poor.
Anyone that says that probably has never been in any kind of credit card debt I can imagine. :)
I'm not either. In groups of...well more than two, I am off in the background and I become taciturn right off the bat. Some of this is from my experiences in high school and middle school where I had few friends, if any at all, and any wrong move would have humiliated me.
Thanks for posting that link, I’m going to read it over tomorrow morning, looks good.
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