From Loud Mime | 06/04/2008 10:16:09 AM PDT read
I’m going to be traveling on Friday, but wanted to send you some good jokes about Communism:
A man is thrown in a Soviet prison cell and the other inhabitants of the cell crowd round him. “How long you in for,” they ask. “Ten years,” the new man laments. “And what did you do?” “Nothing. I did nothing”. “You liar,” the prisoners shout. “For nothing you get five years.”
A man goes to car showroom and orders a Lada. The sales guy tells him there’s a bit of a waiting list but the car will be available for collection on June 24th 2017. The man asks
“Morning or afternoon?”
“Why do you care?” says the salesman
“Because they are coming to connect my new phone line in the morning”
Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for.
The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.” The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.”
The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.”
A man from Soviet Russia, a man from Soviet Poland and an American are on a train.
The Russian is bored. He looks around, reaches up to the shelf and takes down his suitcase. He opens it to reveal countless bottles of vodka. He takes one and throws the rest out of the window. He takes a swig from the bottle and throws that out of the window as well.
The Pole and the American are amazed. “Why did you do that?” they ask. The Russian shrugs his shoulders and says “Where I am from we have plenty of vodka.”
The American, not wanting to be outdone, reaches up to the shelf and takes down his suitcase. Inside are countless packets of cigarettes. He takes a pack and throws the rest out of the window. He then takes a cigarette, lights it and takes a drag. He then throws the cigarette and the packet out of the window.
The Russian and the Pole are amazed. “Why did you do that?” they ask. The American shrugs and says “Where I am from we have loads of cigarettes.”
The Pole looks a little uncomfortable, thinks for a moment and then throws the Russian out of the window.
An American and a Russian General meet up at Disarmament talks and start boasting about their armies. The Russian general says “My army is the best fed army in the world. Each day the Red Army soldier eats 1500 calories”.
The American Army General says “That’s nothing, the US Army gets 4000 calories a day”.
The Russian says “Nonsense, nobody can eat that many Potatoes in a day”.
Ping to #51
One night, very late, he decides to sneak the limo out and go for a drive. It's been years since he's been behind the wheel and is having the time of his life.
As he whizzes through an empty Red Square, two drunks see the the official car pass by.
"Yuri! Look. There is the Premier's car. That's important!"
"Boris, I'll say it's important. Who ever is in it is being driven by Gorby!!!"