[nw_arizona_granny]

So, our response to any emergency should be to Be Prepared - Have the tools and resources with you - But most importantly - DON’T PANIC.<<<

The don’t panic is the most important part of survival.

[nw_arizona_granny]

Page has many articles on surviving lost jobs, links are live on page:

http://www.rileyguide.com/cope.html

The Riley Guide: Before You Search
Coping with Job Loss

February 2009

We have the information you need to File for Unemployment Benefits. You may also find Networking and Support Groups to be helpful to you at this time.

Google
Custom Search

Transition Assistance after Job Loss, AARP.org
An excellent article outlining benefits for which you might qualify after losing your job. One of many good articles available on the topic of Job Loss Help from AARP.org.

Advice for the Involuntary Job Seeker
... Excellent article with pointers on how to cope with a sudden job loss. Under item #6, substitute your own university career center, who can point you towards available resources and services to suit you. Provided by The Career Center at Duke University.

Being Laid Off, Job-Hunt.org
...this new section of Job-Hunt.org includes a few articles on how to recognize a layoff may be coming, how to prepare both at the office and at home, and how to survive the process. A lot of this advice comes from the author’s own experiences (she herself went through the huge DEC layoffs of the 1980’s) along with those of her friends.
Unemployment Help from the AFL-CIO
Even if you are not a member of the AFL-CIO, you will find information here to help you and your family in the event of a job loss.

Coping with Job Loss
“Losing a job can be one of the most devastating personal crises of a lifetime. [...] Although financial decline is a serious issue, the blow to one’s ego is even more difficult to face. “ This article looks at the many things you may be feeling or experiencing after your loss, and then offers suggestions for handling or even defeating these negative influences so you can get back on the trail to new opportunities. From COPE, an organization dedicated to making workplaces in the greater Washington, DC, metropolitan area healthier and more productive. You may find even more helpful articles in their COPELines Library.

1800layoffhelp.com
...a website dedicated to helping those recently laid off as well as those who suspect the ax will fall soon. The front page is filled with news reports of employment trends, while the rest of the site covers Unemployment Help, Financial Help, or Miscellaneous. Several articles help you take those first important steps after a layoff or re-work your budget for the current “emergency” period, or save money at the grocery store. There’s a lot here, and it will take some time to dig through it all, but you will find some very helpful resources.
Change How You Think.org

...this site is operated by a life coach based in Ireland, but I like the many articles he has posted on ways to improve your outlook on life, deal with situations and people, and more.

If you believe you were dismissed unfairly, then you may want to check our resources on Your Rights as a Job Seeker / Employee.

Copyright 1998 - 2009, Margaret F. Dikel. Permission to reproduce and/or distribute print copies of these pages is hereby granted for non-profit purposes only, except where noted. No changes may be made to these copies without the express permission of the author. All other requests for copying and distribution including electronic distribution must be directed to the author. Permission is granted for you to link to this page or The Riley Guide at any time, but the location address (URL) may not be hidden through the use of frames. Please read our disclaimers. The Riley Guide is located at www.rileyguide.com. How to Contact Us.

[nw_arizona_granny]

[This is also an interesting site for hints to writers....granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/misc_jobloss.htm

How to Survive Your Spouse’s Job Loss

by Patricia Fry

“Ever since my husband was laid off, he’s been horrible to live with,” says Barbara, a beautician in Los Angeles, California. “We all just tiptoe around him. I don’t know how to help him, especially since I’m as worried about how we’re going to pay the bills as he is.”

Nearly 8 million people in America are currently out of work (U.S. Department of Labor). In recent months, countless men and women, who felt secure in their jobs, have been sent home—their lives suddenly in turmoil. And it’s not just the unemployed person who is affected.

“I’m really frightened,” admits the wife of one man who recently lost his job. “We didn’t save for that rainy day and now it’s here.”

John has been unemployed several times during his 24-year marriage, so he knows how it feels. But he’s having trouble coping with his wife’s unemployment. “I don’t think she’s looking hard enough for work,” he says. “She resents my helpful suggestions. When I try to talk to her, we end up fighting. I feel like I’m the only one in this family who’s contributing anything.”

Lydia Garraway, M.S. L.P.C. & LCSW, is a counselor with Catholic Social Services in Montgomery, Alabama. She has counseled and consoled many families who are struggling through the shame, guilt and anxiety of unemployment. The fact is, when a family member is laid off their negative emotions can intrude on the well being of the family unit. Garraway explains, “When someone is terminated from a job, the whole family dynamic is affected. Many emotions erupt and the identity of who we are’ changes.”

Azriela Jaffe agrees. A couples expert and the author of ten books including, Create Your Own Luck and Let’s Go Into Business Together, Jaffe says, “Once fear of financial insecurity enters the household, it brings out the worst in everyone.” And she should know. Her own husband has been out of work for several months.

Jaffe describes a typical household after the primary breadwinner is laid off. “Husbands and wives fight more, the kids get clingy and scared and everyone tends to walk on eggshells around the newly laid off parent. No one knows quite what to do with the parent being home all day. When that person gets depressed or angry, the emotions expand throughout the household.”

And the spouse has his or her own set of fears. Says Jaffe, “These concerns range from the more serious, how are we going to get the bills paid?’ or what am I going to do to help my spouse keep his or her spirits up and to find a job?’ to even the simple, I’m sick of this person being in my space all of the time,’ and I don’t want to have to share my computer.’”

Elise is a stay-at-home wife and the mother of four small children in Covington, Kentucky. She recently went through all of the emotions that typically plague the spouse of an unemployed man or woman. And her husband was still working. She explains, “Chad was very unhappy in his job and was conducting a serious job search while working 50 hour weeks. Every free minute he had was wrapped up in time at the computer or time changing his resume or researching companies and locations—all of this at the expense of the family.”

With a stiff upper lip, she admits, “It was horribly frustrating for me to have to pick up the slack for the responsibilities he could no longer meet and also try to support him in his job search.”

How does one cope with these raging emotions? “Communicate,” say the experts. “It’s difficult to talk through all of these feelings,” says Garraway. “Yet talking is the key to helping the unemployed, the spouse and their children during this critical period.”

Susan Vogt is director of the Family Ministry office at the Diocese of Covington, Kentucky. When the Comair pilots were temporarily out of work recently in her area, she worked with the spouses. Her goal was to help them defuse their fear and frustration so they could offer positive support to their spouses. A major coping tool, according to Vogt, is “Talk, talk, talk.” She cautions, however, “Know what kind of talk your spouse prefers and note when he or she wants to talk.”

Elise and Chad had always shared an open line of communication, but it didn’t come as easily now. She says, “I tried to be there when he needed to talk, even if it was the same conversation reflecting the same fears and frustrations, over and over. Most of the time we spent together was devoted to discussing his unhappiness and the alternatives”

What can a supportive husband or wife say? What can they do? Elise admits to feeling completely helpless at times. “As things grew worse with his job, I feared he would simply quit—throwing us all into turmoil. Yet, it was so painful to see him struggle to keep up with all of the demands and pressures.”

She tried to ease the pressure by letting Chad know that she was open to the possibility of relocating. But she says, “In truth, the idea scared me to death.”

While Elise was trying to be her husband’s rock, it was also necessary for her to find her own strength and she did so through her faith. She explains, “I cannot overstate the power of prayer. I spent a lot of time outlining my worries and putting them in God’s hands. I put myself and my family on prayer chains. As much as possible, I let God handle the big stuff and I attended to the day to day details of running my life.”

She also found comfort in music. “Singing with the church choir, is my way to pray when no other words will come. I’m not disciplined enough to meditate, but I can belt out a hymn and take it right to the feet of the Lord.”

It’s human nature to want to DO whatever is humanly possible to help your spouse through this difficult time. Our experts suggest these techniques. “Be a cheerleader instead of a nagger,” says Jaffe. “Offer to help, but also accept no’ when the help is not wanted. Sometimes the spouse needs to put his or her energy into not doing anything directly.” And she suggests this: “Put your energy into taking care of yourself so that you have the emotional and psychological strength to withstand the pressure over the long term.”

She also recommends, “Lots of sex for a man—to keep his mood up and, for a woman, lots of hugs and encouragement.”

During the 14 months, Chad was looking for work, Elise helped him everyway she could think of. She made sure there was food to eat and quiet times for him to work on his job search. She maintained a routine whenever possible so the household ran more smoothly and she didn’t put pressure on him to socialize outside the house. She also proofread his resumes and cover letters. She says, “Being involved in the process made us both feel a bit more like partners.”

There was an unexpected factor that helped Elise and Chad through their ordeal. According to Elise, “We had started a weight loss program at the beginning of his search and, being able to control that, gave me some sense of control of my own life. We both lost weight and felt better because we were eating better.”

She also tried to stay organized. She explains, “I kept a detailed calendar in a central spot so we both knew at a glance what was happening. Lots of little details that seem trivial now were so huge then. Just having the laundry done, shirts pressed for appointments, phone messages organized, etc. took on a whole new importance.”

Tending to the spiritual, emotional and physical health of the family is vital when a job hunt is underway. But one should not fail to address the all important financial issues. According to Garraway, “The supportive spouse must attend to the budget as soon as possible and differentiate the wants from the needs of the household. A family agreement to live on a shoestring will make everyone feel helpful and will release some of the financial strain. This is where the children can take an active part in supporting the parent. The older children can make lists of things they can do without—movies, clothes, etc.—until their parent is back to work.”

She suggests challenging your family to find creative ways to pare the budget. “Find things to do and places to go that don’t cost money. This is also a good time to organize family photos, to share memories and reminisce about the positive times the family has shared.”

Garroway echoes Jaffe’s recommendation to take good care of yourself. She says, “It takes a strong and healthy person to support a spouse who is hurting. You must take time out for your own relaxation, exercise and positive interaction with friends and family.”

And there’s no better time than now to bind yourselves together spiritually. Garraway counsels her clients, “Take time to appreciate each other and the many blessings you do have as a family.” She says, “Some couples consciously list the things they have to be thankful for—good health, love for each other and the little income they do have coming in. One couple I worked with said they prayed a 9-day Novena to St. Joseph, the Patron Saint of workers. They felt a greater sense of faith and trust that things would work out for them and it did.”

Experts also recommend that you seek out human support for yourself. “I was Chad’s primary support system,” says Elise. “He didn’t have time to interact with anyone else. I needed support, too, but I couldn’t put that demand back on him.” Even though she loves her husband and wanted to help him through this crisis, she sometimes felt resentment. She admits, “I resented his inability to be happy in what I saw as a very secure position. I resented having to do all the work. I resented having to explain to the children over and over that daddy wasn’t available right now.”

So as not to burden her husband with her own negative feelings, she called on friends. She says, “When I needed to vent my resentment and frustration, I turned to a couple of close friends who listened without judgment.” She also lightened her own load by taking leave from some of her committees and asking other parents to help with some of their children’s activities. She says, “Decreasing the demands on my time made it easier to be here for the rest of the family.” And she offers this advice to others in her situation. “Be aware that you will both need outside people to talk to or you both end up dumping on the person who can’t really take any more dumping.”

Elise started keeping a journal. One of her friends suggested pouring out her feelings in letters and then burning them—sending the resentment away with the smoke. According to Elise, “It was cathartic. It sounds a bit crazy, but it was helpful.”

Nothing you do that helps you maintain an even emotional keel is crazy. As Garraway says, “If you need help—the situation is too painful, communication has broken down—ask for help. Asking for help is not a disgrace. In Ecclesiastics 2:18, we are told, There is a season for everything.’”

One good place to receive help whether you’re the unemployed person or the supportive spouse, is Catholic Social Services. “We have a sliding scale fee,” says Garraway. “Anyone can afford it.”

Even when things seem out of control and overwhelming, there is one thing we know for sure. Nothing stays the same. After a long 14 months, Chad found a good job close to home. This family could get back to normal. According to Elise, that was not as easy as it sounds.

“When the nightmare was finally over, we discovered we had a new problem,” says Elise. “We had become so accustomed to Chad being removed from the family life that it was hard to pull him back in. We didn’t remember how to communicate on a personal level. We didn’t remember how to be a big happy family. That surprised all of us. The kids were used to leaving him alone so it was difficult for them to turn to him. I had to encourage them to go to Daddy for some of their needs.”

In fact, Elise and Chad would handle things differently with the children, should something like this come up for them again. Elise explains, “We involved the kids in a lot of the issues and kept them informed. But in retrospect, I feel it created a lot of stress for them. They wondered if we would move, if they would lose friends.” She says that she wishes they had kept them more in the dark. “Just knowing that Dad was looking for a new job and needed to spend extra time in that project would have been enough information for them.”

Chad and Elise’s relationship is back on track. They’ve committed to teaching classes for marriage preparation groups and to mentor other couples preparing for marriage in their parish. According to Elise, “This not only gives us time together on a project, but helps us focus on our marriage.” They also schedule two date nights each month.

Chad and Elise made it through this turbulent time, but only because of their commitment to one another and to the Lord. Elise advises other families who are struggling with unemployment, “Keep active in church and pray with your partner.”

[nw_arizona_granny]

A page of writers info for getting published:

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles.htm

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/gowithyourhunches.htm

Going With Your Hunches
by Patricia Fry

(Published by Woman’s Life Magazine 2003)

Have you ever said after something wonderful happened, “I must have been in the right place at the right time”? Do you sometimes think about someone just before they call you? We’ve all experienced spontaneous bouts of knowingness. But what if you could tap into your intuition to solve tough problems and make important decisions?

“You can,” according to Crystal Jonas Bevans, founder of Tap Your Genius in Colorado Springs, Colorado. In fact, successful businessmen and women often rely on hunches to build their wealth. Bevans talks about one of them. “Hilton, the guy who owns all of the Hilton Hotels, had a feeling about a bid he made on his first piece of hotel property. He called and changed his bid. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have gotten that piece of property.”

We all have those occasional nagging feelings nudging us to go in one direction or another. But most of us aren’t so quick to trust our instincts. Bevans explains, “Ours is a culture that privileges logic. We don’t really encourage people to cultivate the other senses like intuition.”

And we’re not so quick to trust our instincts. How do you know when that inner voice is valid? According to Bevans, intuition is not just a function of the mind. It’s the mind and body working together. She says, “You really do know when something is right or wrong for you by the way your body responds.”

She tells participants in her emotional intelligence seminars, “A good place to start developing that intuitive part of yourself is through yoga, meditation or going for a walk. You must quiet your mind and tune into what the body is telling you. When you notice a thought that makes you feel uncomfortable, explore it. How does it feel in the body? Is there tension anywhere?” If so, what you’re considering probably isn’t right for you at this time.

Penney Peirce, a professional intuitive and author of The Intuitive Way, describes how to read your own body language. “If your body expands or feels comfortable, warm and bubbly about an idea, it is probably right. If it contracts and feels cold or tight, the idea is probably either dangerous or inappropriate.”

While these body feelings always appear when we’re working through an issue, a scant 1% of us pay attention to them. Peirce says, “We don’t’ listen to ourselves because we don’t think we know anything. There’s a lack of self-esteem. We really have to develop the habit of centering in order to notice that, hey, the body knows. It just knows.”

Melanie Albert took courses in intuition training at the Kaiser Institute in Melbourne, Florida. Now, when she wants intuitive feedback, she uses a technique called body scan. She explains, “When I’m determining whether I wish to work with a client, I scan my body and notice where I feel sensations. For me, when I feel or react in my heart area and feel the energy moving fast though my body, it’s a positive sensation. When I feel restricted in my gut, the feedback is negative.”

Sometimes the answer you seek isn’t immediately accessible. In this case, you need to raise your intuitive antenna so you’re ready when the information becomes available. Maybe you’re out of work and you’re looking for a job. Bevans offers this, “Instead of expecting the worst, create the future and then you can find the opportunities.” She explains that when you are open to what the world has to offer, “You pick up on conversations. You might say something out loud and someone hears you. It all goes back to what you want the outcome to be.”

And that’s another aspect of intuition training or development—creating the outcome you desire. Bevans says, “Ask yourself, if you could have anything what would that be? Put that into your mind, write it out, detail it, add the emotions so you’ve got right and left brain thinking. Review it in what I call the magic moments of the day—the twilight hours in the morning when you wake up and when you go to bed at night. That’s when your subconscious mind is most effective. Then your subconscious mind goes to work finding those opportunities.”

She also suggests keeping a journal. “Keep track of everything. Write, I have a feeling that this is going to happen,’ and then follow up with it and find out if you were close or what part you had right. Then figure out, how did I know that? Was it body language?’ Did you notice something you wouldn’t normally notice?”

Cameron Hogan has worked professionally with Penney Peirce. He says that while he has been interested in honing his intuition for several years, “Men, in general, are particularly very bad at honoring the wisdom that comes through emotions. After time, however, you begin to learn the feeling state that you can trust.”

He once trusted his instincts in a highly difficult decision—whether to keep working or to quit his job and open his own business. He said, “It just came down to getting feeling in the gut. I knew what the right decision was. Often we do know what’s right, but it’s scary. You have to trust the intuition that this is the right thing to do and then it becomes immaterial how scary it is.”

Toronto intuitive, Arupa Tesolin, has designed a leading edge program to help men and women develop and use their intuition. She describes the most obvious kind of intuition: “A vision, a dream, a fleeting sensation, a feeling of knowingness, a very direct insight.” Through her Intuita MindWare programs, she offers a variety of techniques to help clients more precisely direct their intuitive powers—Animal Guide, for example. In this exercise, the individual asks a question and then waits for an animal to appear. The type of animal you see might give you all of the information you need. Or you may have to ask the animal to provide more clues.

Tesolin recalls the experience of an unemployed friend. “She was exhausted from sending out resumes, so she used the Animal Guide process. She asked how she could find a job and she saw a burro. When she asked the animal to go into motion, it just lay down and took a nap. She said, Okay, I’m not going to do anything at all for three weeks.’ On the last day of the third week, she got a phone call with a job offer”

Trusting is another issue for someone not accustomed to following his/her instincts. As Tesolin says, “We’ve been taught to give our trust to government, insurance companies, financial advisors, doctors, teachers. Ultimately, in the process, we’ve eradicated our self-trust.”

The ego plays a part in this lack of trust. But Peirce is among the experts who believe that we are slowly changing the way we approach issues in our personal and business lives. She says, “You can’t keep using so much will power and mental cleverness to get the job done. People are getting exhausted from it. It’s like overloading an old system and revving it up and revving it up and it just won’t go any faster.” What is the predicted outcome? According to Peirce, “I think we’re shifting from the information age to the intuition age.”

Patricia Fry is the author of A Writer’s Guide to Magazine Articles for Book Promotion and Profit (Matilija Press, 2000).

[nw_arizona_granny]

[LOL, this is what we are doing, ‘networking’...granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/networktosuccess.htm

Network Your Way To Success
by Patricia L. Fry
(from SPAWNews, February 2001)

In writing, there is a time for solitude and there is a time for connecting with others. While you may prefer creating behind closed doors in order to be read, you need to draw attention to yourself and to your work. Become as successful as you dare. Take advantage of the networking opportunities available to you virtually everywhere—through SPAWN, other writing and publishing organizations, on the Internet and even in your daily life. Here are some tips for the networker:

1. Gravitate toward those who have information you can use. Join organizations like SPAWN where you will meet others who are interested in publishing.
2. Be aware of the opportunities around you. Listen to others and if you think they have information you can use, ask them about it. Most people are eager to help.
3. Know what specific information or resources you want. Often people ask me, “How can I get my book or my article published?” There’s no way to answer that question in five or ten minutes. Ask, instead, “Can you recommend a good book on self-publishing?” Or “Where can I find the most complete list of magazine editors?”
4. Be considerate. Don’t take up too much of anyone’s time. If you need more information or resources than they can offer in just a few minutes, make an appointment for a paid consultation or at least take the person to lunch.
5. Be gracious. Sometimes the advice or information you receive is something you have tried or that you feel uncomfortable with. Don’t criticize his ideas. Courteously accept the offering and move on.
6. Do your own research. Never ask the other person to make the contact for you or to do additional research, when it is something you can do yourself.
7. Give thanks. People like to know they have been effective in their goal to help you. Time, thoughtfulness and energy have value. Honor the gift by telling the giver how his/her information helped you.

When you are the networkee:

1. Give willingly to others when they ask for your help. Likewise, if you run across something that you think might be of interest to a colleague, pass it along.
2. Know when to say “no.” Sometimes people are so excited about the information and resources you’re sharing that they can’t stop asking for more. If you feel tapped out, politely offer the other person your card. Suggest that they make an appointment for a paid consultation or recommend a good book they can read or Web site they can visit on the subject.
3. Help people to help themselves. Merely show them the way, don’t do the work for them.
4. Give graciously. In other words, don’t be attached to how the other person uses the information you give them. Everyone has a different level of motivation and self-discipline. Expecting someone who is not a self-starter to start a publishing business overnight is not a reasonable expectation.
5. Follow-up. If you think of something more you could give to the networker, contact him with the additional information. Likewise, call or email him within a couple of weeks to see how he is progressing with his project. Remember that successful networking is a give and take proposition.

Patricia Fry is the author of A Writer’s Guide to Magazine Articles for Book Promotion and Profit (Matilija Press, 2000).

[nw_arizona_granny]

[only a small part, also list of Father type groups/info]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/fathersinamerica.htm

The Reality of Paternal Imprinting

But the transition from working Dad to caretaking Dad isn’t easy for most men. As Kelly Gene Davis, in an article for Full-Time Dads, says, “I was not raised to care for children nor to clean house and cook meals for I was a boy and these areas were unnecessary for me to learn.”

Dr. Bruce Gladstone of the Gladstone Counseling Center in Ojai, California is one professional who is greatly bothered by the fact that society is so slow to recognize the importance of the father’s involvement within the family. He explains, “Since women carry and bear our children and are physically equipped to feed them early in life, it has been assumed quite naturally that they are better suited to child-rearing than fathers. Nurturing and caring for a child has traditionally been regarded as ‘woman’s work’ and unmanly.

“Even before the Industrial Revolution, men hunted, grew crops, constructed buildings, made and sold products, waged war and women cared for the children. Most boys and girls rarely experienced their fathers as a source of warmth, affection, softness, nurturance and emotional support.”

Today, we’re asking men to be fathers. But boys need a living example of what it is to be a man and a father. Lynn Weeks, a family and marriage counselor in Ventura, CA, understands this need. Looking back now, he says, “I needed to be confirmed as a male, which I think is, perhaps, the most essential thing I needed from my father. My father was present, but absent. In his absence, I relied entirely upon the blessings of other men and upon the approval of my peers.”

Many experts believe that boys without strong male role models are at higher risk of becoming gang members as a fatherless boy is as likely to look to a gang leader for support and guidance as he is a boys’ club leader, teacher or church leader, for example. If he’s carrying around the unresolved grief of abandonment, he may even lean toward the gang leader for in that environment, he’ll surely have the opportunity to act out his anger.
Breaking The Cycle

Some boys grow up to become the fathers they wanted despite lousy role models. Anthony (36) recalls, “I can remember how it felt to look out into the audience of parents when I was in a school play or to scan the spectators’ bench when I was playing sports and seeing that my dad had not shown up again. I don’t ever want my kids to feel the way I did back then. I take a genuine interest in their activities. Not only is this a plus for them, but my involvement is helping me to heal my own father-longing.”

Forty-year-old Gerald stopped the cycle of fatherlessness in his family. Raised by an alcoholic mother and an abusive, alcoholic stepfather, Gerald has few happy childhood memories. According to Gerald, “I was alone a lot, either at home or waiting in the car for them to finish `one more drink.’ I’ve never felt I was very important to them. To this day, Dad never calls or writes. When I call him, he just makes excuses why he has to get off the phone right away. I have my own kids now. They’re great kids and I spend a lot of time with them.

“People who know about my childhood sometimes ask about my strong involvement with my kids. I tell them, ‘I just try to be how I wanted my father to be.’ I wish things had been different for me, but I can’t do anything about that. I can help to make life good for my kids, though,” says Gerald.

Ronald, too, has grim memories of his childhood. He says, “Dad was drunk and always coming home late. I lay awake listening to him beat Mom, her crying, him loading guns while giving us kids’ names to each bullet, watching him choke her to unconsciousness and on and on. I ran away from home for the first time at age 14. I got heavy into drugs and alcohol. I stole cars, broke into houses. From age 16 to 18, I was mostly incarcerated – a total loser. Now I have three sons and they never cry themselves to sleep because of what Daddy’s doing to Mommy. They don’t feel a wave of terror when I come home from work. Thank God they’ll never know that terror.”
Help Is On The Way

While some men are successfully working their own way out through the mire of negative paternal imprinting, more and more programs are becoming available for those who need help.

Charles A. Ballard, founder and president of The Institute For Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization, for example, believes, “Too many fatherless boys end up fathers themselves, extending their legacy of hopelessness to a new generation.” And he says, “Fatherhood is inside every boy at birth, but the kind of nurturing he gets from his father will determine how far it goes.”

Through his Institute he tries to take up the slack where former generations of fathers have failed. He works with young fathers to help them build their self esteem, resolve issues with their own fathers, find solutions to problems with the mother of their child, learn parenting skills and get decent work.

Ballard, who started this program in Cleveland and is in the process of expanding it to other states, says that 97 percent of the 2,000-plus fathers who have graduated from his program are now more involved fathers who help to support their children.

Are programs such as Ballard’s necessary? It seems so. It’s obvious that boys aren’t learning parenting skills at home. And, as Dr. Gladstone points out, mainstream society isn’t providing in this area. According to Gladstone, “I’m worried about how we teach young boys to be fathers or young girls to be mothers. It seems like our schools don’t concern themselves with these roles very much.

“The most important things that are going to happen in your life is being married and trying to have a long-term relationship with somebody. The reason for doing that is so you can raise a family and society can have a certain level of prosperity and stability. Yet we neglect the teaching of those things. We assign them to the family or to religious organizations, both of which don’t really work out too well.”

The effect of fatherlessness and the decline of the traditional family on America’s children and the future of our society is an extremely serious matter, and we’re seeing the repercussions now.

Every father is responsible for the lessons his children learn. A child with access to her father learns about life and living through interactions with him. Fatherless children learn from their fathers, too. They learn not to trust. And they learn to live with the pain of rejection. While some fatherless children carry on despite the pain, others transfer their pain to others through violent acts.

Men who think their part in their child’s life ends with impregnation, need to take a very serious look around them. Divorced women who don’t believe their children need their fathers in their lives, are wrong, wrong, wrong. Fathers are not expendable, disposable, unnecessary or replaceable. They are vital to the future of their children.
Fatherhood Redefined

Most men become more involved parents, not through peer pressure nor an innate desire to do so, but through his wife’s urging. They stay involved, however, because they discover that they love being with their kids. Still, many dads won’t admit how much they enjoy fatherhood. They think that other men wouldn’t understand it if they said, “I won’t be attending the company awards banquet tonight, I’d rather spend the time with my kids.” or “I choose not to go fishing with you this weekend because I want to support my son in his first soccer game.”
The New Fatherhood

There is a shift taking place within our families today. Men are slowly being educated

about parenthood and their vital role as a father. They’re being encouraged to become more involved. And they’re having some positive examples placed before them.

Houston Oiler tackle David Williams, for example, caused a stir among his football colleagues and fans, but made a strong statement about a father’s devotion to his family in the face of work demands, when he missed a game to be with his wife during the birth of their child.

Entertainer Billy Joel quit his scheduled tour to spend time with his daughter.

Country music superstar Garth Brooks put his sky rocketing career on hold to become an active family man.

It’s common for mothers to give up or postpone their careers for the sake of their families, but when a man chooses fatherhood over his career, that’s news!

Although probably not quite big enough to be considered a movement, there is motion – a pioneering effort – toward the reconciliation of fathers and their sons and fathers and their daughters. But, as with anything new, no matter its merit, there are stumbling blocks and fathers are finding them aplenty.

Issues around work and family are a major source of inner conflict for many men. They don’t want to miss out on watching their children grow up, nor do they want to see their families financially stressed. While some men have the courage to down-shift their careers in order to be a more significant part of their children’s lives, others can’t bring themselves to cut back and lower their standard of living. And the truth is that government and the corporate sector are slow to support the efforts of men who want to be better fathers.

“It’s a tough,” says Dr. Gladstone. “I know what men are going through, because this is an issue for me, too. I’m gone too much and I worry about this. I try to be home as much as I can and yet, economically, it’s difficult. My wife and I wanted to find a way to save money so I could free up more time to be home. We thought that a basic way to do that is to have a lower house payment and we decided to get a smaller house.

“What we found out is that if we sell the house we’re in, we’ll lose our investment to capital gains taxes because we’re going to buy a house that doesn’t cost as much. We would be punished for doing that. We only get rewarded if we buy a house that’s more expensive and that puts more demand on me to have to work more hours and have to be away from my children more.”

Daddy’s Home!

Both parents in two-thirds of all two-parent families work today. And many modern couples enter parenthood expecting to share the responsibilities fifty/fifty. Some parents are so good at it that they transcend parental gender boundaries and become practically interchangeable. But many others struggle to adjust: he to her level of expectation and she to his level of willingness and ability. The working mother knows she can’t do it all. She wants help. But does she want to relinquish control?

Dr. Michael K. Meyerhoff is the executive director for The Epicenter, Inc., the Education for Parenthood Information Center in Wellesley Hills, Massachusetts. He wrote an article recently for Parent and Preschooler Newsletter, reflecting the mother’s tendency to discourage the father from becoming involved in the day to day routine of their children’s care. He writes, “Most new fathers who attempt to participate in the care of their young children discover they are awkward and ineffective and they quickly become discouraged. While most new mothers initially welcome the efforts of their husband, they soon decide to step in and take over all tasks in order to ensure the well-being of their children and spare their spouse further embarrassment.”

He continues, “Are modern-day males doomed to failure despite their admirable intentions? Are they fighting against insurmountable biological obstacles? No. Once again, we are merely dealing with mental attitude, not inherent aptitude. A father who will pursue childcare tasks with ease and proficiency is simply a father who has never been led to believe he couldn’t.”

Dr. Meyerhoff advises, “Mom, lighten up, step back and give your guy a decent chance. Dad, dismiss your doubts, ignore the interruptions and don’t let the difficulties get you down. Just do it.”

When asked (and men rarely are), fathers report that they’re overwhelmed by fatherhood. One nervous first-time father said, “It’s scary to think that this little being is totally dependent on me and that I, along with my wife, are wholly responsible for his well-being, his childhood and his future. It’s exciting, but it’s scary.”

Dr. Pamela Jordon has focused her last fifteen years of research toward first time fathers. In an article for Modern Dad Magazine she urges new fathers, “Establish rituals or routines that allow you to spend some time with the baby every day.” You could put the baby to bed every evening or handle bath time and breakfast every morning, for example.

According to Dr. John Robinson, director of the Americans’ Use of Time Project at the University of Maryland, a study of 5,000 American men and women between the ages of 30 and 50, showed that even though men’s involvement in household work and childcare is now double what it was in 1965, women still handle 2/3 of the workload at home.

It’s difficult for men to just take over from a woman who has set the agenda – who, for generations has been groomed to handle the details of home and family. As Brent McBride, director of the Child Development Laboratory at the University of Illinois points out, “If we want men to change behaviors, we have to help them do so. We’re putting this expectation on men to do more but, as a society, we aren’t providing them the institutional mechanisms to make the changes.”

Fathers lacking the education and experience, rely on the direction and rules set by the more knowledgeable parent, the mother. Thus, a father alone on an outing with his children or at home alone with his children is often considered a baby sitter.

Paul Kandarian, an editor at the Taunton Daily Gazette in Taunton, Massachusetts and a father, objects to being called a baby sitter. He says, “There is no part of my day that I enjoy more than when I come home to be with my children. For all the aggravation of parenthood, for all the time it takes, for all the nights spent up with them when they’re sick, for all the broken toys stepped on, for all the diapers changed, for all the scraped knees, for all the sticky, slimy and smelly moments of it, I wouldn’t trade a single second of my life as a father for anything else in the world. When I put my kids to bed each night I love them as much as I possibly can – only to wake up the next morning loving them a little bit more.” And he ends the article by saying, “Let’s hear a baby sitter say that.”

Stay-at home dad, Peter Baylies shares a similar sentiment, “I don’t expect to go back to work. The rewards of this job are too great. Every time I put my son to bed and he says, “I love you Daddy, I realize I did a good job that day. I could never get that sort of satisfaction from any other career.”

This is excerpted from Patricia Fry’s book-in-progress, Fatherhood and Fathering; The Ultimate Guide For Today’s Dad.

For more information:
Newsletters and Magazines

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/child_healinggardens.htm

Health

Published in 2001 Lifestyles Magazine

Healing Gardens

by Patricia Fry

What environment do you crave when life becomes a bit overwhelming? Many of us, when we feel upset, stressed or even despondent, seek out a quiet spot in nature. We might walk to the park or take a drive to the beach or mountains or even go sit in our own backyard. Why? Because we feel a greater sense of serenity and well-being in a natural setting. We tend to relax when we’re surrounded by nature and a relaxed state is the perfect environment to experience the healing of body, mind and spirit.

Roger Ulrich, director of the Center for Health Services at Texas A&M University, has collected some important data about the effects of a natural environment on human health during a research project some years ago. His study involved several gall bladder surgery patients.

“They had identical rooms,” says Ulrich. “The only difference was the view from their windows.” What Ulrich discovered was that the patients who had a view of trees, flowers and shrubbery, had fewer complications, needed less medication and had a shorter hospital stay than those who looked out at a block wall.

In another, less formal study, visitors to a botanical garden submitted to a test. These guests, upon leaving the garden that day, registered lower blood pressure and heart rate than when they entered.

Scientists are just starting to pay attention to the relationship between humans and nature. Chances are, they’ll soon prove what gardeners have known for centuries:

* Viewing or working in a garden setting is soothing.

* Activities such as pulling weeds, raking and deadheading help relieve tension.
* There’s a therapeutic quality to tending a garden.
* Our creative and nurturing cravings are satisfied through gardening.

There is so much evidence reflecting the health benefits of a natural setting that more and more U.S. hospitals are providing garden areas for patients and their families. It might be a patio ringed by potted plants where family members can regroup, meditate or pray. Some medical institutions have expansive lawns with trees, flowers and secluded sitting areas for patients and their families. And still others, like the Rusk Institute of Rehabilitation Medicine at New York University Center in New York, provide gardening as therapy for their patients. The Glass Garden at Rusk is a 1700 square-foot greenhouse where they offer horticultural therapy programs for their patients. According to Nancy Chambers, director of the therapy program, the garden is also a place of serenity and comfort for hospital staff and the patients’ family members.

Whether you already know the joy and comfort in your home garden or you are seeking a place to turn when you feel stressed or in need of solace, here are some ideas for turning your garden into a healing garden.

Plant a memory garden. What are your favorite plants? Most likely, you’ll list plants related to your childhood. I grow sweet peas every year because I remember my grandmother growing them. When I married and set up housekeeping, she would bring me bouquets of sweet peas throughout the spring and summer months. I also grow pansies because Grandma loved them in her garden.

My mother planted a syringa because, as she says, “I remember picking flowers from a syringa in our yard when I was a girl and wearing them in my hair.” By the way, syringa means memory in Victorian flower language.

Does the sound of tall bamboo rustling in the breeze bring back pleasant memories for you? Maybe the scent of geraniums or honeysuckle is comforting because it’s something you recall from childhood or a special time in your adult life.

Surround yourself with plants that bring a smile to your face and calm to your psyche and you have taken the first step in creating a healing garden.

Keep it simple. Gardens definitely evoke emotions, but guilt shouldn’t be one of them. Avoid becoming overwhelmed by your gardening project. Plan a garden that is a pleasure to manage instead of an added pressure in your life. How do you know when you’re getting in over your head?

* When your garden becomes more work than fun.
* When a glance out the window makes you wince rather than smile.
* When you feel inadequate as a gardener.
* When a walk in your garden fills you with “shoulds” instead of joy—”I should pull those weeds, rake those leaves, prune the shrubs, feed the roses “

If you have unlimited time and enjoy caring for a large garden, go for it. But if time and even money are issues, you can still create a lovely garden area without breaking the bank or your back. Here are some ideas:

1. Start plants from seeds and cuttings taken from neighbors’ and friends’ yards.
2. Buy plants on sale.
3. Plant things that are appropriate to your climate, that are showy and that don’t require a lot of care.
4. Choose plants that are similar in their care requirements so you don’t have to continue learning about new plants.
5. Use ground cover to fill in and cut down on maintenance as well as gravel, decorative rock, bark and so forth.

Create your personal garden space. Maybe you don’t have time to tend the sort of garden you want. But you can still enjoy the illusion of a full, rich garden in an alcove or hideaway. Many busy men and women today are creating contemplation or meditation areas in a corner of their yard.

First, choose your favorite spot. Plant fast-growing trees, shrubs or reeds or put up a trellis, an old wooden gate or an equally interesting backdrop. Plant the things you love and that will thrive in this environment. Add a hammock or meditation bench and some outdoor artwork and you have a wonderful niche to enjoy whenever you need to get away.

Here are some additional ideas for establishing a garden that you, your family and friends can enjoy.

Stimulate your senses. “You’re in a healing environment if two or more of your senses are heightened,” says Christy Ten Eyck, landscape artist who has a practice in Arizona. And she suggests appealing to all of your senses including fragrance and sound.

Also use plants in various shapes, sizes and textures to appeal to your sense of sight and touch.

Create a water feature. Water has numerous purposes in a garden. The sound of water is calming and pleasant. It has a cooling affect in the summer and it can help to muffle neighborhood noise. Water also attracts wildlife such as butterflies and birds.

A water feature doesn’t have to be elaborate. It might be just a matter of buying a pump and building around it. Consider using old whiskey barrels, brass urns or just bring in a couple of bird baths, for example.

Use art. Make your garden fun by incorporating some of your favorite art objects into your design. Place decorative birdhouses and feeders, gazing balls, cement animal or cherub figures amongst your plants. Use an old barn door or window frame to decorate your patio area. Design a mosaic, beach glass or pebble wall hanging, table or bird bath for a special spot in your garden.

More and more landscape artists are helping their clients to break their garden area in to a series of garden rooms. Art can greatly enhance these intimate areas.

Add creative ground work. Every square inch of your yard doesn’t have to be planted in order to be attractive. Here are a few ideas for problem areas:

* Design a mock riverbed. Dig out the dirt slightly and line the area with decorative rocks or pebbles. Add a small bridge.
* Raise dirt mounds and decorate them with medium-sized rocks and lavender plants.
* Build a deck or seating area around a tree.
* Lay rip rap or broken pieces of cement in a problem spot. Fill the spaces between the cement pieces with gravel. We recently did this over an old septic tank that is so close to the surface that nothing will grow there. We also created a patio effect in the middle of our front lawn where it’s so densely shaded by an old oak tree that grass simply won’t grow there.

Attract wildlife. If you want butterflies or ladybugs to visit your garden, plant a butterfly bush (buddleia), zinnias, salvia, hibiscus and white alyssum. For caterpillars, plant fennel and parsley. If you live where there are wild rabbits, they will probably visit whether you want them to or not. You can entice them by planting lettuce, cabbage and other edibles. Also make sure to have plenty of good hiding places for the bunnies to scamper should something startle them.

The edible garden. There are many levels of healing potential in the backyard garden. One is through the use of edible and medicinal plants. Plant an herb garden including rosemary, peppermint, chamomile, sage, basil, corriander and anise, for example. I once grew feverfew so I would have it available for headaches. Many gardeners grow herbs in large pots just outside their kitchen door.

You can also enjoy tomatoes, squash, snow peas, green beans, corn, onions and so forth from your garden. Have fun with your veggie garden. Plant green pole beans with your corn so the beans can use the corn stalks for support. Grow pumpkins and sun flowers in your front yard for the whole neighborhood to enjoy. Grow a corn stalk maze or playhouse for the kids this summer.

Any garden with plants and trees is already a healing garden. Follow some of these suggestions, however, and the healing benefits of your garden experience will greatly increase.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/animalcommunication.htm

PET TALK
How to Effectively Communicate
With Animals

“That gnat looks confused,” whispered Ann, as we watched a small fly-like insect wander around in circles on the table in front of us. “I’ve been talking to him,” I said. “Every time I attempt to communicate with him, he stops and becomes real still.”

“Tell him to get up on that orchid lying there in front of you,” suggested Ann, “and we’ll move him to that big plant over there.” Again, I attempted to communicate with the gnat. I told him to get up onto the orchid and we would move him to the large plant where he might find something to eat. “When the workshop is over,” I told him, “we’ll take you outside where you’ll be free.”

To our astonishment, the gnat stopped circling and immediately jumped up onto the little orchid. Ann set the orchid in the large pot next to the ficus plant and an hour later, we carried the orchid with the gnat still attached outside and set him free.

On the flight to that workshop in Maui, I’d read J. Allen Boone’s book, Kinship With All Life (Harper and Row, 1954). In his book, Boone claims that there was a time when we spoke a universal language which was understood by all animal and human life. He shares many of his successes communicating with animals even including ants and a fly. According to Boone, mutual respect and understanding are at the core of this language link.

I’ve come to believed that animals communicate in two ways - through body language and using little mind pictures.

One summer, while at the beach with my grandchildren, we were playing in the surf one last time before the sun went down. All of a sudden, a small sea lion appeared in the shallow water. He climbed up on a rock and there he stayed. Most of the onlookers thought there was something wrong with the sea lion - that he was ill and needed help. A resident, however, came to his rescue and told us that he was fine. “His mother just sent him here to wait while she hunts. She’ll come back and get him,” he said.

Sure enough, before long, a mature sea lion appeared in the surf and the young one swam out to rejoin her.

You’ve probably witnessed similar communication between your pets. In my household, for example, two cats might simply be walking past one another when, all of a sudden, without so much as a glance at one another, they race off together down the hall at a dead run in gleeful play.

But what about communication between humans and animals? Do you believe that your dog understands the word walk when you say it or is he, perhaps, reading your mind? What about a horse who runs from you when you come out to take him for a ride? Even hiding the halter and rope doesn’t seem to help the situation.

Have you ever had to chase a cat all over the house and ultimately drag her out from a dark corner under the bed in order to keep a veterinarian appointment? She may have been sitting happily on the window sill preening herself just moments before. But the instant you walked toward her with thoughts of taking her to the veterinarian’s office, she dashes out of sight.

Was she reading your mind?

On one such day, my calico cat , Daisy disappeared under the furniture. I chased her, pleaded with her, cajoled her but she was more cunning and determined than I. Finally, I decided that if she was reacting to what I was thinking, I’d better change my mind. I brought the cat carrier in and set it on the floor and then positioned myself next to it at eye level with Daisy. I looked into her eyes and began creating new pictures in my mind.

I had been seeing visions of my chasing Daisy, eventually catching her and putting her into the carrier against her will and the cat being extremely unhappy during the car ride to the groomer. Now I envisioned Daisy walking into the carrier, my closing the little door behind her and toting the carrier to the car. I pictured the two of us riding quietly and calmly to the groomers where the cat was cleaned, mats trimmed and otherwise pampered. And then I visualized us coming home together where I opened the carrier door and Daisy walked out feeling wonderful and flea-free.

To my astonishment, just as my visual scenario ended, Daisy stood up, walked over to the carrier and went inside. Then, moving to the back of the carrier, she turned her body just enough so that her tail was free of the door and there she lay down. How simple things are, I thought, when one bothers to ask for the animal’s cooperation.

When Daisy was eight months old, I brought home Katy, a four month old Himalayan. Daisy disliked Katy on sight and immediately reduced the younger kitten to dust ball status. Every time Katy came out from under a piece of furniture, Daisy chased her under another. The only time I could coax Katy out was when Daisy was sleeping.

I expected the kittens to iron things out in due time, but three weeks later, things were no better.

One night at bedtime, Katy drummed up the courage to join Daisy and me on the bed. Each kitten lay on one side of me growling and yeowling at one another - neither one about to back down. I was glad that the cats were dialoguing, but their timing was pitiful. I had a rare pounding headache that night and was more interested in a peaceful night’s sleep than in helping them work out their differences.

I spoke a harsh “Stop it” a couple of times, but the growling and yeowling continued. Finally, I decided to try another tactic. I began visualizing a great abundance of love flowing into each kitten and from one to the other. I envisioned the two of them playing and adventuring together and becoming great companions.

In a matter of 30 to 60 seconds, the growling stopped. I raised up to see each kitten still in place but with their little heads resting on their paws and we all fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, the kittens were gone. I expected to find Katy under the sofa and Daisy guarding her escape. But instead, both kittens were together eating kibbles from the same bowl, thus marking the beginning of a lifelong friendship.

A friend tells the story of bringing a boxer puppy home to their cat’s extreme dismay. The pup couldn’t keep his nose out of the cat’s business, which was evidenced by the fresh puncture wounds always around his flat little snout. One day my friend, sat with the two animals and visualized them respecting each other’s space and becoming good friends. She did that visualization often during those first few months and today these two are inseparable companions who even snuggle together when sleeping.

Whether you want your pet to change an inappropriate behavior or you hope to establish greater rapport with him, communication is key. Here are some tips:

* Demonstrate respect for and a genuine desire to understand your pet. View the world through the animal’s senses. Try to determine the reasons why your dog chews on your slippers, for example, or the cat claws your favorite chair. Provide suitable alternatives and visualize the animal involved in appropriate behavior.
* Communication with animals is more effective when both of you are quiet and relaxed.
* Communicate with animals using clear, concise visualization.

The next time your dog or cat engages in unacceptable behavior or you desire his cooperation, communicate with him using something he can understand. Try talking in mind pictures.

Patricia Fry is the author of Quest for Truth(Matilija Press, 1996)

[It works, and I have the scratches to prove it...granny]

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/an_max.htm

MAX - The Kitten Who Got a Second Chance

by Patricia Fry

It was late spring when I stepped outside to tend my garden just in time to see a neighborhood cat dash over the gate into the woodshed. It was the shy black kitten I’d watched grow into an aloof adolescent. Although, I’d enjoyed her company in the yard many times as she peered down at me from her perch on the back fence, I’d never been able to touch her.

This day would be no different except that today, she was not alone. Three perfect kittens followed her along the top ledge of the woodshed fence. When they saw me, the whole family lunged for cover into the crevices of the woodpile where unbeknownst to me at the time, they planned to set up housekeeping. I’d been chosen custodian for the newest generation of neighborhood feral kitties. Now what?

I would tame them, that’s what! The kittens appeared to be about four-weeks old. If I spent a lot of time nearby talking to them, they would surely come around. For days, I perched myself on a bench outside the woodshed gate and watched the kittens play chase and hide-and-seek games through the pile of wood. But when I spoke, moved or came too close, they’d disappear.

Braveheart, the smallest and most timid, was the image of her mother with sleek, black fur. Bella, the most curious wore a long black and white coat. Max was adorably stocky with a lovely soft brown and white coat.

Ten days later, I realized that my loving overtures were not changing the kitten’s feral ways. In order to save them, we had to capture them.

We borrowed a cage, donned leather gloves and moved the wood piece by piece until we uncovered the three kittens huddled under a pallet. One by one, we placed the three frightened kittens into the cage and took them inside.

After leaving them alone for a couple of hours, I made regular visits. I talked softly to them and touch their fur through the wire cage. They were terrified, but not aggressive. They were interested in their food and water, but didn’t understand the reason for the sandbox I’d provided.

The next morning, using caution, I picked each kitten up and moved them to a bathroom where they had more room. The kittens didn’t bite, scratch or even hiss, but it was clear that they were very frightened and that they did not enjoy my touch.

The kittens now had access to a carpeted cat tree with a circular bed on top, two sandboxes, kitten toys, kitten kibbles and water. I closed the toilet lid, moved all toxic cleaners and tied the mini blind cord safely out of reach. My plan was to visit the kittens often throughout the day every day until they were comfortable with the human touch. Then I would find them good homes.

The first time I went into the bathroom to spend time with the kittens, I couldn’t find them. I feared the worst—that they’d torn through the window screen and escaped. But I finally found them huddled deep inside an overturned wastebasket. This was to be their secure haven for the next seven days.

Since I work at home, I was able to keep a close vigil over the kittens. I visited them often—partly out of obligation to them and partly because I couldn’t stay away. I loved spending time with them and did so many times every day.

After about a week, when I’d go into the bathroom, I’d find them sleeping, not in the plastic wastebasket, but in the little bed on top of the cat tree. Yet, while the kittens had calmed down, they were still not returning our affection. They allowed us to touch and hold them, but they didn’t respond until one Friday afternoon.

During a routine visit to the bathroom, I found the three kittens curled up together in their bed. I began petting them when all of a sudden, Max rolled over onto his back, looked up at me and started to purr. I was so touched that I began to cry. This was the first time I’d heard any of the kittens purr.

To give the kittens more space and more opportunities for socialization, we’d bring them into the living room at night. I’d also bring out things that were familiar to them like their cat tree.

The kittens had a grand time playing in the larger area and we loved watching them. This also gave the resident cats (Katy, Dinah and Winfield) the opportunity to become acquainted with the kittens under our supervision. The kittens kept a wary eye on us, though and were quick to dart for cover, should we move toward them. This made it difficult to recapture them and return them to their safe haven. Our goal was to make their life as trauma-free as possible, but we weren’t always successful.

When the kittens were about 7 weeks old, I took them to see the veterinarian. He was surprised at how healthy they were, given their precarious beginnings. They got their first shots and a clean bill of health.

About the same time, I spoke with animal behaviorist, Anders Hallgren. I told him that, although I’d been working with the kittens for three weeks and they were more gentle, they were still not responding to us. He said, “You’ve got to separate the kittens. They’re bonding with each other and as long as they have each other, they may not bond with you.”

I tried to figure out a way to separate the kittens and work with them myself. My first step was to bring Max out and try letting him have the run of the house. On that eventful day, I held Max for a while—he was beginning to enjoy petting now. I fed him a couple of small pieces of chicken by hand and then, when he wanted down, I let him go.

He played, explored, peed in a basket of firewood and tried to get to know the resident cats. After thirty minutes or so, Max looked around the room, spotted me and came trotting over to where I was sitting. I reached down, lifted him onto my lap where he lay contentedly for a while before rushing off to pursue more adventure. By then, I knew that I could not give up on Max. Whether he was bonding with me or not, I had certainly bonded with him. That night he slept next to me on my bed and has every night since.

In the meantime, my veterinarian told me about a couple of people who were looking for kittens and had homes that he felt were suited to these special needs kittens. Within a day and a half, both kittens had just the sort of homes I’d imagined for them.

Max is a dear 18-month-old indoor cat now. He’s sweet, affectionate, funny, eager to please and clever. He responds when he hears his name almost every time. He gets along with humans and animals alike. Except for his ability to dive for cover at top speed when hearing thunder, the garbage truck, the vacuum cleaner or a sneeze, and the joy he derives from the blanket tents and box caves we build for him to play in, one would never guess that he had such humble beginnings.

I ask myself if I’d go to the trouble again to rescue feral kittens. My answer comes easy when I look down at Max resting contentedly, relaxed and trusting in my lap. Yes! I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

[I like this author’s writing...granny]

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/an_healing.htm

Published in 2001 by Cat Fancy

Name Your Cat’s Personality

by Patricia Fry

I’m convinced that, when our 2-year-old kitty, Max, pushes his toys under the refrigerator, it’s an attempt to get my attention. He seems to delight in helping me probe for the missing mouse, ball or feather. As soon as the item is recovered, he bats it under there again. And again he dances around my feet as if to persuade me to get down on the floor and retrieve his toy once more. Of course, I do.

I call Max The Manipulator. I also have a Possessive Cat and a couple of Nonconformists. I have friends who own Noncommittal Kitties, Bad Boy (or Girl) Cats and Wired Cats.

Labeling our beloved cats is kind of fun and I think it tends to help a cat owner accept their kitty’s particular personality. However, animal behavior experts caution against categorizing cats in this way.

“When you use a label like The Manipulative Cat, there’s some implication of intent,” says Dr. Linda Goodloe, an animal behaviorist in New York City. She says, “I think it’s kind of amusing to look at a cat that way.” But she cautions, “When people believe their cat is doing something intentional, they sometimes get angry and they want to punish the cat. Some people believe, for example, that when a cat has a problem with inappropriate elimination, he is just being spiteful. Believing that leads to very wrong reactions and often the end of the cat. For that reason, when people come to me with a problem, I try to get them to take the idea of intention out of it.”

Obviously cats do have personalities. While some are active and boisterous others are reserved and shy. There are highly independent cats and others that are quite affectionate. Let’s explore some of the more common cat personality types. With the help of three animal behaviorists, maybe we’ll learn how to better manage the traits that can sometimes overwhelm a household.

The Possessive Cat

“Almost always, when you have several cats in a household, there’s going to be one that bumps the others out of the way,” says Goodloe. “People get very upset about it. I get very upset about it. I have a big guy right now who does that. All of my poor little fellows get bumped. If I’m petting another cat and he starts to purr from anyplace in the apartment, the big guy hears it and comes bounding in and pushes himself between us.”

Goodloe explains, “The thing about cats is that they usually work things out.” She tells this story: “I had a cat who always slept next to me on the bed. Then, I brought home this old cat that was really sick. He would not leave my side. He started lying next to me at night and the cat that usually did, just never showed up there. The night that this cat died—two years later—the other cat was right back in the same place on the bed. Cats work things out and you’re much better off not to try to change it.”

The Manipulator

Dr. Alice Moon-Fanelli, an animal behaviorist at Tufts University, describes this cat, “The manipulator cat is the one that gets up on the dresser in the morning and knocks things off just to get your attention because he wants you to play with him or he wants his food bowl filled. They are really training us. Is the cat being manipulative? No! It’s using what it has in its cat behavior repertoire to get what it wants.”

How do you stop this sort of behavior? According to Moon-Fanelli, “By ignoring it.” She says, “One morning after my husband jumped up to fill the cats’ food bowl, he came to me and said, Why do the cats keep doing that? Aren’t you going to do something about it?’” According to Moon-Fanelli, she said, “I am doing something about it. I’m ignoring them. I’m not reinforcing their behavior. If I don’t give them my attention and the food, they’ll stop doing it because it doesn’t work.”

The Noncommittal Kitty

This cat keeps its people at arm’s length. He expresses and receives attention only on his own terms. He might roll over in front of you and look up endearingly, but when you reach down to pet him, he scurries away. Or she may walk over to you on the couch, but panic if you attempt to pick her up.

My friend, Susan dreams of having a cat that will curl up in her lap and purr contentedly as she strokes his fur. While cats continue to find Susan’s home and to enjoy the food and shelter she provides, none of them have become lap cats. Most of them have, no doubt, been rejected and even abused by the time they find Susan’s safe haven. She says, “Unfortunately, it seems that an adult cat that is not affectionate, will never be affectionate even when they finally find a loving home.” But, what about raising a kitten to be a cuddly cat?

Dr. Larry Lachman is the author of Cats On The Counter (St. Martins, 2000). He says that while kittens may express a lot of affection when they’re young, they might still grow up to be aloof cats. “Sometimes cat owners will think the cat is noncommittal because it doesn’t seem to want them anymore,” he says. “It’s just the cat’s natural maturity and behavioral development.”

The Bad Boy/Bad Girl Cat

When a Bad Boy (or girl) kitty weaves his way into your heart, your life will

never be the same again. If you decide to keep this cat, you’ll have to learn to live with upset trash baskets and spilled houseplant dirt. You may never be able to display a bouquet of flowers safely into your home again.

Dr. Goodloe talks about the Bad Boy. “My first cat, before I knew anything, many, many years ago, was one of those. He liked to get up on furniture and counters and knock things over. I would chase him. When I could catch him, I’d give him a little smack on his behind. But the frequency of the undesirable behavior shot up immediately. This became his favorite game and it stayed that way until he died at 20.”

Dr. Moon-Fanelli says that she has such a cat, but she considers her just a high energy cat that doesn’t have enough stimulation in her environment. She says, “If I’m spending a lot of time at work and I’m not there with her, she torments the other cats, she jumps on things that I don’t want her up on and she gets things out of the garbage. When I’m a good owner, I fill her Play and Treat Ball for her and I set up play times each morning and evening for her. When I do that every day, she’s just fine. The high-energy cat is not a bad cat, it’s a cat that doesn’t have enough cat like things to do.”

The Wired Cat

Do you know a cat that’s excitable and rather unpredictable? He may be a Wired Cat. According to Dr. Goodloe, “There are a lot of them and they’re the ones that get into trouble with aggressive behavior. They’re very easily excited. They get into those strange states where they like to race around. Their intent is to play.”

This cat often jumps out at you from behind the sofa when you’re walking by and digs in with teeth and claws. “If you have one that does a lot of damage to body parts in that kind of manner,” says Dr. Goodloe, “then you make the body parts boring by not reacting. It’s sort of hard to do if there’s a tooth or a claw stuck in you, but if you shake your leg or hand, the cat will find that exciting.”

She recommends, “Give the cat something else to play with—something distant from your hand or your ankle. Grab a Kitty Teaser and start playing with the cat. This will gradually help them to disconnect from finding body parts to play with. With a cat that’s wired, it’s a good idea to do a lot of short play bouts. Get him to chase the Kitty Teaser. Wear him out in two or three minute play sessions throughout the day and then he won’t have quite so much energy revved up.”

Identifying your cat’s personality is easy. Living with it can take patience and creativity. The bottom line, according to Dr. Goodloe is to remember that “Cats are what they are and we have to adapt to them.”

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.matilijapress.com/articles/child_gardening.htm

Gardening and Children
A Healing Combination

by Patricia Fry

Eight year old Renaldo guides his wheelchair over the planks between two rows of tomato plants. He selects just the right fruit and pops it into his mouth. With a juicy grin, he exclaims, “I grew this! I grew it, and it’s good!”

What is it about gardening that nourishes special needs children and helps them to flourish in spite of their challenges? According to Maria Gabaldo, President of the American Horticultural Therapy Association in Gaithersberg, MD, “It gives them the opportunity to nurture and allows them a measure of control. When they become a responsible party, their self-esteem really blossoms.”

Although, there are no major scientific studies to substantiate the benefits of therapeutic gardening for special needs children, countless facilities are incorporating gardening into their therapy programs with impressive results.

Maureen Oswald is the Senior Therapeutic Recreation Specialist at the Kluge Children’s Rehabilitation Center in Charlottesville, VA. Physical therapy is one way they use their gardens. Oswald explains, “When kids find that they’re doing something functional something that makes sense to the child, they’re more motivated to complete the task. When a patient transplants a plant, they have something to show for their therapy that day rather than just stretching their fingers.”

According to Oswald, “We’ve found that every child can benefit from the horticulture program in one way or another.” Because most of the patients at Kluge have suffered a traumatic injury and stay anywhere from a week to 18 months, therapists get to know them pretty well.

“Some of our children have behavior problems,” says Oswald. “Many times we find that the children were in the accident because of their recklessness or their inattention to safety. Maybe they had a learning disability prior to the injury and that’s compounded. We do see a difference with some of the more hyper active and aggressive children out in the garden.

“In a staff meeting, for example, we may discuss Johnny and his inability to pay attention. The horticulture therapist might say that she doesn’t see any of our complaints about his behavior in the garden. He stays interested and on task for two hours at a time. When the other team members hear that, they may start having sessions with the patient in the garden.”

Oswald continues, “For some patients, going outside is too much, so we may bring plants inside to them. We’ll pack plants on the lap of a child who is a quadriplegic and say, All right, Johnny, you know some of the children can’t come out of their rooms, let’s go give these plant to them and cheer them up.’”

Kathleen Airhart teaches environmental sciences and horticulture at Cookeville High School in Tennessee and often works with students with behavioral problems and learning disabilities.

“Many of these students come to science planning not to understand because that’s been their experience,” says Airhart. “But, I have a little greenhouse at the school where we do science experiments and grow plants for profit. I have a few kids who are so excited about this that they offer their free time to help take care of the greenhouse.”

And the greenhouse seems to be taking care of them, too. One boy, in particular, had been dismissed from his classes for continual episodes of fighting. He had spent the past two years in what they call a behavior class, coming out only for Airhart’s science program and to work in the greenhouse. “He’s moving out of the behavior class next year,” reports Airhart. “He’ll be in the agriculture program and continue working in the greenhouse.” Airhart is so pleased with the transformation of some of her students that she’s adding a job training component to the greenhouse program.

In Virginia, the Norfolk Botanical Gardens, the Fourth Judicial District Court Service Unit and the city of Norfolk have linked to provide vocational training for at-risk students.

According to Lillian Eastman, volunteer manager for the gardens, these students are at least two years behind in school and they’ve had minor brushes with the law. Students attend classes, but the crux of this program is the time they spend working side-by-side with the probation officer and child counselors in the 155 acre botanical gardens.

Eastman sees the students come into the program like a lion and go out like a lamb. She says, “We do a pretest and a posttest and usually see an attitude change. Some of the kids even notice the changes themselves. Two girls, having completed the pilot program, looked at their pretest and commented about how “derogatory” they were on their first test.”

What makes the difference? Eastman says, “Nature is a calming and non-threatening environment. The young people are working and they’re accomplishing something and this raises their self-esteem.”

Gardens, for healing young hearts, bodies and minds? “Why not?” says Gabaldo. “When a child cares for a plant, they experience, maybe for the first time, what it feels like to see the consequences of their attention to a plant. Hopefully, then, they’ll understand how that can translate to other areas of their life.”

For more information, contact:

American Horticultural Therapy Association
362A Christopher Avenue
Gaithersburg, MD 20879

800-634-1603

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://209.85.173.132/search?q=cache:Ndm9LkszVakJ:www.stretcher.com/stories/03/03feb10g.cfm+survive+job+loss&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=8&gl=us&client=firefox-a

How to Survive a Job Loss
by Lana Westcott

You are a stay-at-home mom. Your husband gets laid off from his job. You know that he will find a job shortly, but what are you supposed to do in the meantime? You have some money saved, but you do not want to use it all up. You certainly do not want to charge up your credit cards. I was able to reduce my family’s budget by about $1000 a month. Here are some tips to help you survive a job loss.

First, look closely at your grocery bill. This was the place where we were wasting the most money. I was able to cut our grocery bill in half, from about $450-$500 to $200 per month. I am now trying to get it even lower than that. Shop at the store with the lowest overall prices. Plan weekly meals using the store’s sale ads, especially loss-leader sales. Cook from scratch. Do not rely on convenience foods, but if they are one of the store’s loss leader sales, stock up. These items will come in handy on days that you have very little time to cook. It won t hurt to eat cheaper cuts of meat for a few months. Sure, we all prefer deli ham to bologna, but when bologna is on sale for fifty cents per pound and deli ham is $4.99 per pound, the choice is obvious. Circle the entire meat department before putting any meat into your basket. My grocery store marks meat that needs to be sold in one to two days down to half price or even less. If you are not going to cook the meat that day, put it in the freezer. Shop alone, as it is easier to stick to your list this way. Do not shop more than once a week. Those last minute trips to the supermarket put a dent in your budget. You will almost always pick up a few items that are not on your list. I shop at a no frills, warehouse type grocery store. I have to bag my own groceries, but I figure the prices are at least 15% cheaper than the other local stores.

Cut down or, if possible, cut out all trips to those huge discount stores. Of course, we all love to go to Target, Wal-Mart or K-Mart, but shopping there can put a dent in your budget. Shortly after my husband was laid off, I balanced the checkbook and cringed when I realized how much money I spent at these stores. Everyone, regardless of income, has to purchase certain household items. So, what are you to do? There are a few tricks.

* Shop at your discount store no more than once a month. Make a list of all household items (cleaning products, toiletries, baby items, etc) that you will need to get by for a month.

* Try cheaper brands. It won’t hurt.

* Do not bring children along. They will want something.

* My supermarket carries some household products for about the same price as Wal-Mart. Maybe your supermarket does too. Your local Dollar General store is a great budget-friendly resource. It carries most necessities without the frills and temptations of larger stores. No huge endcap displays to get you off track.

If you have children, they will be one of the biggest obstacles in sticking to your budget. You have to get them to understand that, for now, Mommy and Daddy don’t have the money for extras. Come up with ideas to have cheap fun. Borrow movies from your library, instead of renting them. While you are at the library, see if they have any upcoming activities for kids. They are usually free. Invite a child over to play instead of meeting at McDonalds. Serve fried bologna sandwiches.

There are certain items that you really should not purchase while your husband is out of a job. Any new clothing, unless for a very special occasion, can be purchased after he goes back to work. The kids do not need any new toys. Unless you are picking up $1 burgers or Taco Bell, eating out can wait too.

Avoid temptation. Separate the sale ads from the Sunday paper and throw them away. Sure, you will know where you can save $1 on detergent, but maybe you will notice that the shoes you have been wanting are half price this week. My sister knew that times were tough around here, so she would invite me to go to the mall with her. She thought it would cheer me up. I preferred to not see what I could not afford to buy, so I declined the invitation, but asked her to stop by and visit after she finished shopping.

Staying positive during trying times is key. Avoid people who bring you down. Well-meaning relatives would call weekly to see if my husband had found another job. This became very annoying to me. I quickly discovered that my answering machine was multi-functional. Not only could it be used to answer calls, but it could be used to screen calls also. I could tell by the messages left which calls needed to be returned and which were harassment in disguise. For example, “I was just calling to see what you all are up to” translates to “Has your husband found a job yet?” There is no need to return this call. On the other hand, “Your uncle is in the hospital” most probably translates to “Your uncle is in the hospital.” I would return this call as soon as possible. You also need to realize that everyone comes upon hard times and that you can always find something to be thankful for. During my husband’s lay-off, I was reading the newspaper one morning and noticed that a man whose son attends school with my children had died. I immediately thought of his wife. My husband was temporarily out of a job, but her husband would never go to work again. My mountain (temporary loss of income) seemed much more like the molehill that it was.

My husband was out of work for about two months. He has found another job and is back at work. One good thing that has come out of our tough time is that I have finally gotten my grocery bill under control. I spend about 10 minutes looking at the sale flyer and writing up a list. Then I go shopping and can buy a week’s worth of groceries for $50 or less. I used to spend at least double that. Now, on the way home from the grocery store, I stop at the bank and deposit $50 in my savings account. That is my prize.

Take the Next Step:
-Dont be in Denial. If you feel that your job maybe at risk, have a contingency plan.
-Take action today, so you will be better off tomorrow. For instance: Find a New Job , Get Additional Training, and Pay Off Debts.
-How secure is your job? Modern statistics allows a calculation using key variables to give you a Scientific Evaluation. Get your free evaluation now.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.dealseekingmom.com/how-to-survive-job-loss-or-layoff/

Troubled Times Ahead: How to Survive a Job Loss or Layoff

Posted By Deal Seeking Mom On December 26, 2008 @ 4:55 pm In Uncategorized, frugality | 48 Comments

Would you like to have these great deals delivered right to your inbox? Subscribe to my email digest. Or if you use a feed reader, subscribe to my RSS feed! Thanks for visiting!
sleep is the enemy
Creative Commons License photo credit: striatic

I debated mentioning this because I generally try to keep this site a positive place, but I wanted to share with you all the my husband was laid off from his job Tuesday and so now extends a 3-year streak of layoffs during the holiday season.

Two years ago he was laid off the day after Christmas. But the company that really takes the cake is the one that laid him off via voicemail last January while I was in labor with baby #5. Classy, huh?

While it’s frustrating to have this happen once again just as we were getting back on our feet, it’s made me that much more thankful for the blessings we do have this holiday season.

We’ll get through this tough period as we have the others before, but you may see things slow down a bit here as I once again must turn to my general transcription business to be able to make a more immediate contribution to our family’s finances than I can with Deal Seeking Mom. Guest posts and deal submissions would be most appreciated to help fill in any gaps. If you’re interested, email me at dealseekingmom (at) gmail (dot) com or use my contact form.

However, that’s not the purpose of why I’m writing this.

When I shared this news on Twitter, I was overwhelmed not only by the outpouring of support that I received but also by the number of people that shared that they are currently jobless or expecting a layoff in the near future. Having “been there, done that,” it occurred to me that sharing some of tips that have helped my family would be useful to others, so here’s my small gift to you.

If a job loss is still just a possibility:

Cut back your spending immediately. Review your bills and look for areas where you can start to scale back. Start small by trying to cut just $1 a day from your expenses and increase your savings from there. Learn how to maximize your savings at drugstores and grocery stores and add these additional funds to your emergency account.

Build a stockpile. Hopefulone and Erin both wrote excellent guest posts on this topic recently. In the event of a layoff, being able to cut back your grocery expenses by eating from your stockpile is a huge blessing.

Pay yourself first. Start building an emergency savings by setting up an online savings and having money automatically drafted into it from your checking account each pay period. Transfer the money saved from any cut backs into it as well. Every little bit helps!

Start paying just the minimums on any debt. Funnel anything extra you were paying into your emergency account as well.

Get a handle on the job market. Check out the classifieds and online job postings. Start doing a little networking to feel out the situation in your industry, and update your résumé so it’s ready to go.

If you lose your job:

Negotiate for additional benefits. Most companies will offer the standard severance of unpaid vacation and a good reference, but you may be able to haggle for more. Ask for additional compensation based on years of employment, extended health benefits, or reimbursement for job placement services. It’s likely that companies will be willing to provide one or more of these to avoid negative publicity. You won’t know unless you ask!

File for unemployment. Generally you should do this immediately because there’s a one-week holding period; however, from experience I can tell you there’s one exception to that. If it’s close to the end of the year, it might be in your best interest to wait until the new year. Compensation rates often increase every year, and by waiting a few days you may be entitled to more money. We learned this the hard way when my husband filed on 12/27/05. If he had waited a mere four days, we would have received an additional $40 per week in compensation. Check with your state agency, and if you can stick it out for a few days, do so.

Communication is key on all levels. Let your family members know about your situation. Explain to your friends that you’ll have to cut back on entertainment expenses for a while. Get the word out to your social network. You might be surprised by a job lead from an unexpected source. Finally, contact your creditors if you see yourself starting to fall behind on your bills. They may be able to offer some sort of temporary solution.

Seek out additional resources. These may vary by location, but it’s a good idea to see what’s available. Don’t be embarrassed to take advantage of what is available to you. There’s no shame in doing what it takes to keep your family from financial disaster.

A few to consider:

* WIC
* Food stamps
* Medicaid in your state
* Food pantries
* Energy assistance programs
* Your church

Your state department of job and family services may have additional suggestions. Don’t be afraid to ask your unemployment case worker what you’re eligible for.

Cut back your budget to all but the necessities. When it comes right down to it, things like cable, cell phones, and Internet can probably all be eliminated. Look for free sources of family entertainment such as free DVD rentals from Redbox. You might be surprised at what you can do without when it really matters.

Start looking for a new job immediately. Take advantage of any outplacement resources offered by your former employer. In most cases you will be required to report on your job search regularly to your unemployment caseworker, so you’ll want to maintain a log of companies you apply with and any responses you receive.

If you’re a union worker, as is my husband, you may be in a different position. He must wait until his layoff number on “the list” is high enough to win a bid on a job. I know the particulars vary by union, but in our case looking for work outside the union could mean thousands of dollars in fees and fines.

Be sure to stay in close contact with your union hall’s hiring manager, and ask about any additional resources that your hall may have to offer. You may be able to take a travel position and work out of another union as my husband has done on occasion, or this might be a good time to take advantage of any continuing education programs available to you. Additional certifications could make you more valuable to employers and therefore less likely to be low on the list when layoffs occur in the future.

When you find new employment:

Keep your frugal ways in place for a while. Pay off any debt accrued during your unemployment period, build your emergency savings back up, and better prepare yourself financially in the event that it turns out not to be a good fit or for future cutbacks.

There’s no such thing as job security these days. Especially with the current depressed economy, it’s important to be prepared as best as you can be for a sudden loss of income. Losing a job is never easy, but you can definitely prepare yourself so that it’s more manageable.

I certainly would not wish a layoff or job loss on any one of you, but I hope that these tips give you some hope in the event that you should need them.

Have you survived a major loss of income in your family? Do you have any additional tips to share?

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://ramven.blogspot.com/2009/01/how-to-survive-job-loss.html

How To Survive Job Loss

Talking to a colleague the other day, I articulated a possible Plan B if layoff hits me. Between me and my wife, we have some cultivable land that is enough to grow enough vegetables to market. While it sounds like a wacky idea — from managing a team of high-tech writers to growing vegetables — but why not? People need veggies all the time. Perhaps, to start with the income may not be enough to cover all the expenses, but it will certainly come handy to cover some part of it. More importantly, such an activity keeps one busy and a sense of purpose hangs in the air instead of gloom and misery.

It is important we think out-of-the box ideas that are practical too. I was in the high-tech sector in 2001 and was booted out from a Cupertino company. Then, while scanning the Mercury News found the Borders was opening a new store in Sunnyvale. I applied and got a job as book seller. It came with health insurance, covered my car payment and part of the rent. I was still able to lead a decent life. Actually, I enjoyed being part of the team that set up the store and the store opening day was so much fun. I continued to part-time at Borders for a long time even after I found a regular job at a newspaper and did not mind working 14-16 hours a day.

The moral of the story is, doing some odd jobs to support the expenses while we look out for a regular job should not be ruled out. While long-term career goals may take a beating during times such as now, doing something different for a while can be fun.

Trust me, downturns are temporary. However, they will come again and again ... no surprises there if you are prepared and always have Plan B.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.slice.ca/Advice/SliceBlog/BlogPost.aspx?sectionID=38&postID=2822

Survive on Little to No Money
Survive on Little to No Money
Eat, drink, and keep busy ‘til payday

Of course you needed that leather purse/pair of designer jeans/Sex and the City DVD box set last week. But now you’re a little low on cash and by a “little low,” we’re talking call-your-parents-for-a-loan territory. Put down the phone. You can make it through the next week with a virtually empty bank account; you just have to be shrewd with your cash.

Prioritize

Can’t live without coffee? Drag the canister of instant grounds from the cupboard, toss it in a thermos and head to work. If you don’t have coffee or a coffee maker at home, buying one or the other is obviously out of the question. If not feeding your addiction is also out of the question, at least cut back and slum it for a while. Sure you love Starbucks’ dark roast but 7-11 and McDonalds both make perfectly mediocre cups of coffee. Just think about all the hours of enjoyment you’re going to get from whatever it is you purchased that put you over the edge.

Treat every indulgence the same way. Do you usually buy your lunch? Well, now you have to bring it. Had a dinner date planned? Postpone it or offer to make dinner instead.

Eat Smart

Speaking of food, the next little while will definitely be interesting cuisine-wise. If your fridge was recently stocked, you’re set. If not, you’re going to have to get creative. Eating smart, in this situation, doesn’t necessarily mean healthfully but rest assured, you will not starve.

Eggs and tuna are both versatile foods. Eggs can be cooked a million different ways – the omelette is good because you can throw the random assortment of vegetables, cheese and meat you have in your fridge into a frying pan and end up with something edible.

Tuna on top of lettuce makes a lovely, filling salad; with toast and a slice of cheese, you’ve got a tuna melt; in a burrito shell or wrap – instant tuna wrap. If you’ve got tomatoes or other veggies sitting around, even better. Mayo basically never goes bad, so hopefully you have a jar in the back of your fridge for tuna salad, but it’s not a necessity.

You may have to return to your college days and pick up some ramen noodles and mac and cheese. While not incredibly nutritious, both are cheap and filling. Really, pasta of any kind is pretty cheap. All you need is a little tomato sauce for a meal.
Running out of ideas? Google “cheap recipes.”

If you have enough food at home to make a main dish for more than two people, organize a potluck at your place. Hopefully you’ll get to keep the leftovers.
If you really must eat out, choose brunch. It’s usually cheap and if eaten late enough in the day, should keep you full for hours.

Finally, if you’re out of basic ingredients like sugar, milk, ketchup or mustard, when you visit McDonalds for your cheap coffee, pick up some condiments for home. Sure it feels a bit low, but you’re desperate, right?

Shopping

Chances are that you’re a bit of a shopping addict – hence the large, slightly irresponsible purchase. While buying anything during this empty-wallet period is highly frowned upon, if you must indulge, do it wisely. Visit dollar stores, sale racks at discount stores and Goodwill. Do not enter a department store or mall. These are dangerous places.

Go to a magazine or bookstore and browse. Read everything you can and leave empty-handed. While it may be tempting and seem like a good idea, do not go shopping with a friend, promising yourself that you will only live vicariously through them. You will end up buying something.

Socializing

Invite people over. Go to their houses. Do not go to bars and if you do, go only with enough money to get you in. Leave your credit card at home. Starting a tab at a bar is a bad idea.

You can leave the house but only under special “free” circumstances. Go for a long walk. Visit museums or art galleries on the days it’s “pay what you can.” Go to the gym. Go skating in the winter, rollerblading in the summer. Hell, being broke could actually get you back in shape!

Bottom line? Being broke isn’t so bad. If you prioritize and are prepared to make some sacrifices, you will make it through to payday – and you’ll be more creative, in better shape and coffee will taste much better from now on.

Written by: Vanessa Grant

If this article floats your boat, chances are you’ll like a lot of the other buoyant material we’ve got on the roster. Throw yourself a life preserver and hook it up with the slice.ca newsletter.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://teatreemoney.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-to-survive-without-any-money.html

[Live links in article and at end]

Sunday, October 26, 2008
How to Survive Without any Money
I was checking my stats on Google Analytics and it turns out that people have been searching with the phrase “how to survive without any money”, which just goes to show how serious the global recession is.

But it got me thinking. It’s not really possible to survive with no money at all - but there are plenty of ways to get goods and services using barter or vouchers.

One such scheme is Freecycle, which allows people to collect goods that other people don’t want. The only cost is that the person who wants the stuff needs to collect it.

Another scheme is Local Exchange Trading Schemes (LETS). LETS is essentially a barter system, where you offer to do things for people (say gardening) and get points, which you can then cash by asking someone else to do something you need (say plumbing). There are LETS groups all over the UK. There are also LETS groups in 39 countries worldwide - see here.

Another way to buy things without money is to accrue vouchers. Vouchers are mainly offered by survey companies - see here for a list of genuine survey companies.

I hope the above information is of interest to people

Related post which might prove helpful:

How to increase your income by earning online

Earn money by participating in clinical trials

Earn money by renting out your driveway/garage

Make money renting your stuff out

Earn income by taking in lodgers

Labels: recession

[nw_arizona_granny]

[page of how to save money, with hidden links, below is one of the comments....granny]

http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2006/12/1124/how-to-survive-with-little-or-no-money/

I’m on a limited budget and here’s a few things I do.

I shop at Goodwill The first week clothes or new wares is out it’s full price, but as each week goes by they dicount it. Week 2 10% off, week 3 50% off, then 4th week 0.25 for clothing and 0.10 cents for wares. Goodwill now gets many NEW items and they often make it to the quarter rack.

When you cook, if the recipe calls for a pound of meat, use a 1/2 lb.
Dilute your juice with water and it will go farther. Juice is usually to strong anyway.

Go to Aldi’s, and Savealot and look to see if there are other food outlets near you. Sometimes there are.

Join freecycle, it’s a place to post items so they don’t go to the junkyard. You can request items you need or post items you no longer need. Anything can be posted but must be free.

Don;t buy new. Go to yard sales, garage sales, thrift stores , Salvation Army stors, goodwill, etc. You will find everything you need eventually, and for a lot less.

Find moms who have kids and start a clothing exchange, toy exchange. Kids get bored with what they have. You can plan a get together and all bring items and exchange.

If you live in an apartment, when someone new moves in the other side ask if they want to split on the garbage, usually you can put out more bags than you have anyway. So your not cheating the garbage company any.

Fill out the school lunch program forms, your kids can eat breakfast and lunch at school.

See if you qualify for hud, liheap, lira, or other programs. Just CALL! Your kids need you to do what you need to do.

I look for coupons and then I compare who has it for less. Dollar Stores are not always the lowest.

There is something called angelfood ministires check that out. It’s not what I want to eat all the time, but it can help.

collect alluminum cans & sell them. It’s not much but it helps.

Car pool with other mothers, or ask someone to take turns transporting your kids and thiers to wherever they are going.

Don’t live above your means. If you have a couch purse or drive an expensive car you are. I know several people who live like they have money but they don’t. I can’t understand whats behind that. Who they trying to impress.

Make friends, You might find you both have skills you can share with each other. Maybe she can cut your kids hair, maybe you know photography and can take pics for her holiday cards. Get creative. Go to your local foodbank. Thats what it’s there for. Many people have had to go there, doesn’t mean you will always have too. Just accept the help when you need it. Later if you can help the foodbank if your thankful.
Join a church, pray. God loves you! And God helps those who help themselves.

If your husband picks and chooses when he will work, talk about it with him. Is he being unfair to you and the kids? TELL HIM. Is he having difficulty holding a job? Perhaps he has a condition like bipolar or something else that medication could help. People who have bipolor often have unstable work histories and do impulsive things. If you suspect this, tell him, but do so in a loving way. Him getting the counceling or medication he needs can make all the differance.

Hope that helps a little. God Bless ~ Keep your chin up!
But do what you have to do!

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2009/01/19669/art-of-the-sandwich-some-alternatives-to-pbj/?print=true

Art of the Sandwich: Some Alternatives to PB&J
By Amanda Lerner

It’s hard to think of a better dorm room staple than peanut butter. So when word got out that – surprise – peanut butter in your pantry may be contaminated with salmonella, it seemed that dorm snacking could be forever altered. Instead of giving up altogether, however, we decided to see what else we could do with the foods that usually accompany that nutty delight. And really, what could be better than a PB&J sandwich at 3 a.m. after cramming for that psych test? We set out to find out, gathering a team of six testers to try alternative jam sandwiches without the luxury of peanut butter.
Photo by Amanda Lerner / NBN.

Almond Butter & Jam: This seems like the obvious substitute for good ole PB, since it is a nut butter. So, unsurprisingly, it did taste the most like the real thing. Testers said, “It’s not peanut butter, but its still nutty which I think is nice,” and, “I feel like it’s a little sweeter than the typical PB&J experience. It’s very subtle.” Indeed, the almond butter is just a little sweeter than classic peanut butter, so if you’re looking for the whole sweet-and-salty thing, this one isn’t the way to go. But it is definitely the most authentic.
Photo by Amanda Lerner / NBN.

Cream Cheese & Jam: Through testing, I found out that not everyone used to eat these as a kid. What a shame. While I’m personally inclined to love this sandwich, as it tastes like childhood to me, it didn’t exactly get rave reviews. One tester said, “I think the jelly kind of overwhelms the cream cheese … the textures are too similar.” Another tester brought up the point that cream cheese isn’t the most spreadable of toppings, which is why it is usually relegated to the land of Bageldom. Definitely not a bad sandwich, but not as beloved as I would have expected.
Photo by Amanda Lerner / NBN.

Butter & Jam: Avoid this combination at all costs. Not only were all of the official testers so grossed out by this that they couldn’t finish a quarter sandwich, but the inevitable moochers who came by after the test and tried all the sandwiches threw this one straight into the garbage. One tester said, “I feel like this is the sweetest so far and this isn’t a good thing.” The sandwich tasted like it should have been toast with jam and butter, but since it wasn’t, something was just off. Soft-but-unmelted butter and jam just do not go well together. Only try this on two pieces of toast if you must have your breakfast food fix.
Photo by Amanda Lerner / NBN.

Cheddar & Jam: Apparently this sandwich is popular across the pond in Britain, but Americans just don’t seem to get it. One tester said, “It tastes like feet.” The cheese, which is supposed to be sharp, was too sharp and overpowered the jam and the bread. Another tester said, “It’s just a cheese sandwich that failed.” Again, no one could finish their quarter of this sandwich. If you have all the makings for this, just eat it separately – I can guarantee it’ll taste better that way.
Photo by Amanda Lerner / NBN.

Muenster & Jam: While much more of a success than the disaster that was cheddar & jam, Muenster still wasn’t very well-liked. “The cheese isn’t as pungent as the other one but it still tastes like feet,” one tester said. I personally liked this one a lot, but I’m also a Muenster fan to begin with. One con of this sandwich is that the combination of prepackaged cheese and the jam was too slippery and the sandwich fell apart almost immediately, getting jam everywhere. If you like all the parts of this sandwich separately, chances are you’ll think they’re okay together. But would anyone reach for it first? Probably not.

The Bottom Line: While it may be fun to experiment with different kinds of combinations, there is clearly a reason why PB&J is so popular. The only sandwich that was truly loved by the testers was the almond butter one, and that’s because it was so close to peanut butter. Testers generally liked wheat bread over white bread, saying that it complimented the jam pretty well. They didn’t really care what flavor the jam was, whether it be strawberry or blueberry. But whichever alternative you choose to try, be sure to just try one; all of our testers (and moochers) felt positively ill after eating so much jam, bread and various accompaniments.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://www.northbynorthwestern.com/2009/01/18726/its-time-to-veg-out-with-these-meat-free-meals/?print=true

It’s time to veg out with these meat-free meals
By Rachel Kalt

Vegetables on parade. Photo by karimian on Flickr, licensed under the Creative Commons.

I recently realized that I’ve hardly eaten any kind of meat or poultry in more than six months, and have had none since I returned to school from studying abroad. This wasn’t a conscious decision by any means, as I’ve always considered myself a passionate omnivore; but I guess rarely being able to afford meat dishes in Europe caused my body to lose the craving.

So it’s safe to say I’ve been toying with the idea of trying out the whole vegetarian thing, especially after my roommate recently proclaimed herself a pescatarian. Lately I’ve been experimenting with some totally vegetarian-friendly meals and I figured I’d share my findings with those of you who are beloved vegetarians, are contemplating making the change or just want a little break from your meat-filled diets.
Squash, with the seeds removed. Photo by semarr on Flickr, licensed under the Creative Commons.
Spaghetti Squash with Toasted Walnuts and Herbs

People love meat and poultry because they’re filling and satisfying. When you’re missing those ingredients, it can be challenging to find ways to attain that same level of fullness. I find that great ingredients to supplement with are nuts and hearty vegetables like squash and potatoes. This recipe for spaghetti squash combines both and is a great alternative to a basic pasta dish.

What You’ll Need:

* 1 medium-sized spaghetti squash
* 3 tbsps. unsalted butter
* 3 tbsps. finely chopped parsley, basil, or combination of both
* ½ cup toasted and chopped walnuts (to toast just place on baking sheet and bake in 350 degree oven or toaster oven for about 10 minutes)
* ½ cup grated parmesan cheese
* Salt and pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. Preheat your oven to 375 degrees.
2. Slice the squash in half lengthwise and place cut side down in a baking dish.
3. Cover with about ½ inch of water and then cover the baking dish with aluminum foil.
4. Bake in the oven for 45 minutes, remove foil and turn over the squash.
5. Cover again with foil and bake for another 15 minutes.
6. Remove squash from oven, uncover and allow to cool slightly.
7. Spoon out seeds and discard.
8. Using a fork, gently pull away the squash flesh from the peel. It will look like strands of spaghetti, hence the name.
9. Put spaghetti strands in a bowl and set aside.
10. In a large skillet over medium heat, melt the butter and add the spaghetti squash once the butter is melted.
11. Toss the ingredients to combine and add the nuts, salt and pepper and cheese.
12. Quickly toss everything together and serve immediately.

Eggplant and bruschetta. Photo by jugglerpm on Flickr, licensed under the Creative Commons.
Eggplant Steaks with Bruschetta Topping

I’m not a fan of “fake-out” vegetarian style cooking, but I am a huge fan of eggplant. Eggplant is hearty and flavorful and this dish will please both your vegetarian and meat-loving guests alike. And if you’re not fond of eggplant, portabella mushrooms will work well in this dish as well.

What You’ll Need:

* 1 large eggplant, cut lengthwise into 4 even slices
* 3 tbsps. olive oil
* 3 tbsps. balsamic vinegar
* 1 medium tomato, diced
* ½ cup black or kalamata olives, pitted and coarsely chopped
* ½ red onion, finely diced
* 3 tbsps. fresh basil, finely chopped
* 4 tbsps. hummus (any flavor will work)

Directions:

1. Whisk together olive oil and vinegar in a small bowl.
2. Brush eggplant on both sides with mixture and season liberally with salt and pepper. Don’t worry if there is leftover olive oil and vinegar.
3. Place eggplant in a large skillet over medium high heat and cook for about 6 minutes, turning occasionally, until eggplant is browned on both sides and fork tender.
4. While eggplant is cooking, toss together tomatoes, olives, red onion and basil. Pour over remaining olive oil and vinegar and toss to coat.
5. Once eggplant is cooked, place onto serving platter and spread 1 tablespoon of hummus over each steak and top with an equal amount of the bruschetta mixture on each. A lot healthier than a big ol’ steak, but just as delicious!

And if those don’t excite you and compel you to take up the veggie cause, here are some other ideas:

* Combine white beans, garlic, lemon juice, olive oil and fresh herbs in a blender or food processor and pulse until the mixture is the consistency of hummus. Spread over toasted pita, pile on a ton of fresh vegetables and you’re good to go!

* Cook up a batch of couscous or quinoa in vegetable stock rather than water and toss in a ton of dried fruit, seeds and nuts– almonds, cashews, dried apricots, raisins, dates, dried cranberries, pistachios, flax seeds and sunflower seeds will all work. Drizzle in a bit of honey for added sweetness or flavor with cinnamon and citrus zest.

* Only eat dessert. Kidding! Well, not entirely….

If you’re on the fence about going to the herbivore side, try out a few of these dishes or experiment with some of your own vegetarian-friendly recipes and see if you’re ready to ditch the meat for good.

[nw_arizona_granny]

http://creditcardpundit.com/blog/60-things-to-do-for-little-or-no-money/

Looking for things to do on the weekend or vacation time that won’t set you back a lot of money?

You don’t need to be a millionaire or even slightly well-to-do to enjoy the finer things in life. Consider this list of…
60 Fun Things to Do for Little or No Money:

1. Enjoy a concert in the park - Spring and summer begin free things to do in the park season. Concerts and movies are just the beginning.
2. Go camping - Still one of the cheapest vacations one can take, especially through the US National Parks system.
3. Go for a hike in the woods.
4. Go for a swim - Many lakes and oceans are free for swimmers, others require a small fee. It’s still a good, affordable way to spend a day. Better yet, find yourself a good, old fashioned swimming hole.
5. Go fishing.
6. Have a picnic.
7. Take the kids to the park.
8. Visit a museum -There are lots of free museums and many others take a donation.
9. Work on an arts and craft projects
10. Play board games.
11. Dig for fossils or gems. Find out where to dig in your area.
12. Build sandcastles
13. Have a barbecue.
14. Run through your garden sprinkler.
15. Play a pickup basketball or volleyball game in the park.
16. Visit the library. Take out books, movies, music or take advantage of some of their great programs.
17. Take a free online class.
18. Find a fireworks display.
19. Go canoeing or kayaking.
20. Do some birdwatching.
21. Make a kite and take it for a ride.
22. Go for a bike ride.
23. roller blade.
24. Ride your scooter.
25. Visit the zoo. Most zoos are affordable and if you get a summer zoo pass you can visit as often as you like for one price.
26. Read
27. Sell lemonade
28. Watch a play at a local theater
29. Visit a vineyard - some tours are free while others are affordable.
30. Visit a street fair. Food is cheap, plus craft displays, flea market finds and entertainment abound.
31. Tour a college campus
32. Lounge on a hammock
33. Adopt a pet - Actually adoption fees aren’t as cheap as they used to be but it’s well worth the cost.
34. Tour a fire house or police station
35. Bowling - A night out for the family really doesn’t cost much, especially if you bring your own snacks.
36. Tour a brewery
37. Bake
38. Make a chalk mural in your driveway.
39. Tour a television or radio station
40. Attend a tv show taping
41. Shakespeare in the Park - If your area has it
42. Make a birdhouse
43. Stroll through a public garden
44. Work on your own garden
45. Visit the state or county fair.
46. Join a book club at the library, Borders or Barnes & Noble
47. Browse the flea markets.
48. Find a drive in movie theater in your area.
49. Take advantage of local cultural events.
50. Visit a dairy farm.
51. Visit historic battlefields.
52. Take a day trip to Washington DC where most of the museums are free.
53. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or another place that feeds meals to the homeless.
54. Have a scavenger hunt.
55. Teach yourself a new language using online tutorials and materials from the library.
56. Start a scrapbook and fill it with items found outdoors.
57. Jigsaw puzzles!
58. Make a working volcano
59. Have a campfire in your backyard, roast marshmallow and tell ghost stories.
60. Clean out your house and have a garage sale.