Bill Clinton dies and, given the life he led, ends up in Hell. But Satan takes pity on him and says, “Sucks to be you, but I’ll tell you what. You can have your choice of three different ways to spend eternity here.” Satan points him toward three doors and tells him that behind each door is a different hellish alternative. Clinton first goes for the one on the left (surprise, surprise)... he opens it and is horrified to see a vast sea of boiling oil... sinners are thrashing about, howling in agony. He slams it shut and cries, “Holy crap, Mr. Devil, sir, that’s horrible, I can’t take that nohow!” Next he turns to the one in the middle (yep, that’s our Bill!)... he opens it, and gazes out into a vast frozen wasteland... the damned are naked and shivering... they can’t even scream, it’s so cold... their limbs are breaking and falling off. Bill closes the door and turns to face Satan, white as a sheet. “Oh holy cats, Satan, this next one better be alright, cuz there’s no way I can take that.” Heaving a fearful sigh, he opens the third door. He squints down a staircase into a murky dungeon. He can make out the naked figure of a man chained to a wall, spread-eagle and buck-naked. It... it’s Kenneth Starr! And down on her knees in front of him, doing her thing, is Monica Lewinsky! Clinton turns back to Sstan, overjoyed. “Ah, man, Devil, ole buddy, I done hit the jackpot! Got me some of that goodness in life and that’s JUST how I want to spend eternity!” Satan nods to Clinton and smiles, then steps to the head of the stairs and calls down, “Miss Lewinsky, your replacement has arrived!”