Middle-aged dating and love of coupons

http://www.postindependent.com/ ^ | Friday, April 24, 2009 | Heidi Rice

[Caramelgal]

You gave it a the old college try...i wouldn’t say you were shallow at all...pretty tacky of him to comment on your niece’s gift also.

Well that I did (the old college try). I realized early on that he had some quirkiness to his personally. But I had hoped that his better traits would out weigh them out. And he did have some good traits, hard working, thrifty, patriotic, and conservative. But as time went by I saw some darker sides to his personality, his constant feuding with his sister over money, his obsession with money or more the point, spending as little as possible combined with his distrust of his neighbors, almost bordering on paranoia – they all had it in for him according to him and an increasing controlling personality that I didn’t care for.

And speaking of paranoia, we went to a local farm show and right before we left I saw him put into his shorts pocket, what looked like a spray can. When I asked him what it was he said it was a can of mase. When I asked him why he felt it necessary to arm himself with a can of mase, he said that there was lots of gang activity in our county. To which I replied, “Yep, I’ve heard those 4-H’ers can be a pretty brutal bunch” which made him pretty angry.

It wasn’t very long after that that I broke up with him.

[chasio649]

I went on a 1st date with a gal one time and she spent half the date telling me about her old boyfriend of the last 2 years...she was trying to get him off of crack...she was a nice, decent person but she went on and on about how she tried to help this guy...he of course went out of control and it ended....she was a teacher at a catholic school and was big into the church...we talked on the phone the next few nights and i told her i wasn’t particularly religous...that was her deal breaker she told me...it ended there....now this coming from a woman that spent 2 years with a crack head....it did wonders for my self esteem....i laugh about it now but boy did i replay in my head what was wrong with ME...why wasn’t i at least worth another date...i kinda figured i was a little too boring for her...shouldn’t slapped her around a little.../joke ;)

[dfwgator]

It’s called, “being penny smart, and pound foolish.”

[dfwgator]

It's like baldness or bad breath or body odor.

And leaving up the toilet seat.

[Caramelgal]

Sounds to me like she was looking for her next fix up project. As you didn’t need any fixing, she wasn’t interested.

I’m not interested in a renovation project. If I had the money and the time, I’d love to fix up an old house but a guy in need of rehab? No way. You are better off without her.

[kabumpo]

MMm,, no — if that’s how he begins, it’s not going to get better later. For a first date a man really should make an atatempt to sweep a woman off her feet. Coupons are not going to do it.

[tet68]

I’d like to start middle age dating, where can I get
these “Love coupons”?

Hehe.

[kabumpo]

So you went out with Alan also !!!
I had a similar experience. I first saw him a “stable” but he was a joyless miser who ruined every occasion for happiness with his obsession for control.

[ReneeLynn]

“Did you read that in Cosmopolitan?”

I’ve never read Cosmo. Wouldn’t waste my money. Just telling the truth. Sometimes that’s hard for some people to handle.

[ReneeLynn]

Bingo!

[Caramelgal]

MMm,, no — if that’s how he begins, it’s not going to get better later. For a first date a man really should make an atatempt to sweep a woman off her feet. Coupons are not going to do it.

A first date is all about making good first impressions, much like a job interview in some respects.

A gal who shows up for a first date with no make up, messy hair and dressed like a slob is not likely to get a second date in most cases. Likewise a guy who uses a coupon to pay for dinner on a first date isn’t going to make a good first impression.

After a couple have been dating for a while and go out to eat regularly, coupons are not a bad idea, nor is it a bad idea for the gal to offer to chip in or at least cover the tip now and then. Even though I know most guys will refuse the offer, I always offer to pay my share or the tip or for parking if that’s part of the evening. My date is not insulted by the offer and I’m not insulted by his refusal but it shows that I’m there because I want to share a pleasant evening with him and not because I’m looking for a free meal.

[ReneeLynn]

Doesn’t matter if Malkin is married. Not the point.

Umm, I’m assuming they got to talking during dinner and he got a good look at her. So he got to know her.

Where was this? Outback Steakhouse or somewhere like that? He couldn’t just pay for that? On the first date? Pfft.

[kabumpo]

I agree — except about the offering to pay part. That comes after you’re married and have to make sacrifices.

[ReneeLynn]

Yes!

[chasio649]

I like your style....good on ya.

[Reeses]

Color me clueless but I have no idea what her objection is to his using a gift certificate.

It's not just humans, throughout the animal kingdom the male must provide a morsel of food to the female if he has any hope of mating with her. If he fails this test, no nookie. Using a gift certificate or coupon fails because it's not him providing the food.

[Reeses]

Why would a man marry and remain married to a women who seeks to diminish him?

All women know how to do this. Many shows and commercials on TV have this theme because women find it so interesting. The evolutionary purpose is to knock the man's ego down sufficiently to keep him from straying. If you know what's going on the comments bounce right off.

[Tax-chick]

Actually, for many people, the point of dating is to get married. It’s never occurred to me to notice how a meal is paid for.

[Caramelgal]

I agree — except about the offering to pay part. That comes after you’re married and have to make sacrifices.

I disagree. As I’m a professional career woman, so most of the men I date are also of a similar career level and income. When I’m on a first date with a guy, I presume that he’s going to pay for dinner and or the movie on the first date, but I don’t always make that presumption. While I’ve offered to chip in, I don’t recall any man who has accepted my offer or any who have been insulted by it either nor have I been insulted by his refusal. To me it just shows a gesture of good faith that I’m not just interested in being wined and dined by someone who can afford it.

For one thing, the offer it’s self, puts me on some equal footing with a guy I may not know all that well – saying that I’m an equal partner in this date and not for my affections to be bought. Unfortunately in my early twenties, I went out on a few dates were the man thought that paying for a dinner and a movie entitled him to certain liberties. At this point in my life, I’m too old and too wise to fall into that trap.

As far as being married, call me old fashioned but at that point there should be no matter of "yours" or "mine", as everything should be "ours".

[kabumpo]

I have a different philosophy. I don’t want to be on an equal footing, because I consider the woman to be superior. If a man is the type of person who imagines that paying for dinner/movie etc entitles him to take liberties with me, then my paying for myself isn’t going to change the type of person he is.