Hi there. Are you a large person? Pleasantly plump? A little on the hefty side, perhaps? Well, let's face it: Are you FAT? When you go jogging, do you leave pot-holes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw YOU peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say 'OK'? Well, now, you can eat all you want, because at Thornton Melon's "Tall & Fat" stores, we've got you covered. That's right. Fine woolen, and woolen-blend suits and sport coats, in all the larger sizes - husky, stout, extra-stout, and the new Hindenburg line. And for you ladies we have caftans, muumuus, and our own exclusive A-frame in all colors and patterns. Yes, we have miles and miles of fabric. So take it from me, Thornton Melon, if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.
Woman: See, I told you I was a four.
Al: No, ma’am, “Fore!” is what you’ll have to yell when the shoe pops off your foot. Are we finished here?
Woman: Well, I’m not sure I like this shade of blue.
Al: I’ll tell you what I’ll do then. We’ll stand you in front of a mirror, I’ll begin strangling you. When you reach the shade of blue that’s satisfactory to you, you yell “Moo!” and I’ll stop.
Woman: That’s it, I’m taking my business elsewhere!
Al: May I suggest Jenny Craig?
Woman: I want my money back! These shoes you sold me are as useless to me as a comb is to you. I’ve only worn them once and they split at the sides.
Al: Well, let me explain, see it’s just like an elevator, there’s a two-ton weight limit on these shoes. What’s say I nail the soles directly to your feet. It’ll give you more traction when you’re pulling the ice wagon.
Woman: You’ll be hearing from my attorney!
Al: Is that the law offices of Haagen and Dazs?