The Cole babies: Years later, they search for identity

Miami Herald ^ | 11/7/2010 | Audra D. S. Burch

[Little Bill]

In 1850 we had some Family in Illinois, Cairo, some sill there, from what I understand, no orphan trains, no rail road either, we left NY in 1830.

From what I understand, those of us that did Wagons West, picked up the strays and raised them as our own life was hard.

[muawiyah]

Otsego New York perhaps?

[r9etb]

I don’t think any of us can judge this stuff if we aren’t in the situation.

Ah, yes.... but when has that ever stopped FReepers from offering their commandments from on high?

[r9etb]

Your post made me smile. Good for you, mom.

[Little Bill]

Saratoga County, over near Bennington, VT.

[muawiyah]

This is important ~ in 1830 the State of New York seized Canandaigua and Oneida lands on the grounds that the people living there were NOT Indians and had no rights.

The Oneida took another 160 years to win a lawsuit to allow them to reacquire their property.

A VAST number of white folks got wagons and went West all over the place as a consequence. A little bit later they had what were called the Tenant Strikes (riots) near Livingston NY ~ this involved tenant farmers refusing to pay rent and demanding the right to buy land from the old Dutch estates. The owners refused to deal. The people there hitched up wagons and took off.

The folks running New York brought in illegal aliens who were more amenable to oppression.

Hasn't been the same since. Horrid place.

[brytlea]

That would be....never.

[Little Bill]

A good many of us are still there, my Family became Mormons and went West with them, don't tell Tenn Nana.

[Hot Tabasco]

Adoptions are handled much better now in the modern era.

Are they really? How many times have we seen an adopted child taken away from the only parents they know, who cared for them and loved them as their own and returned to a "birth parent" who obtained a good lawyer or father who crawled out of the woodwork?

The system isn't perfect but in my opinion the only solution is the complete destruction of all documention relevant to the child's parents as well as that of the persons who chose to give the child a loving home.

[UCANSEE2]

My point, and question, was did it cause a major change in their lives, or did they just view it rather casually and go on.

Seems like, from your description, it was the latter.

[UCANSEE2]

Another suggestion is that the documentation be sealed, and only given to the child when he/she turns legal age.

[mom4melody]

Well, they are 9 and 7 now, and they have lots of adopted friends. How it plays when they get older remains to be seen.

But they are very well adjusted now, we make a big deal out of chinese events, etc (and yes, they LOVE rice), we’ve told them what we do know about their birth information while leaving out the harsher facts for now. We can’t lie because it’s in their official documentation from China but we’ll cross that bridge when they are older.

They know they were wanted, they know we asked God for them and prayed for them even before we knew them, and they know they are loved. I think they’ll be fine.

[Hot Tabasco]

Another suggestion is that the documentation be sealed, and only given to the child when he/she turns legal age.

You make a valid point but then that compromises the complete anonymity of the parent/parents who gave the child up for adoption..........

If I gave a child away at birth for adoption, I'm not so certain that I would want to face him/her forty years later.

[TASMANIANRED]

At least they weren’t sucked down a drain.

[UCANSEE2]

When they give the child up, they should specify whether they want the info preserved for the child (upon legal age) or not.

[JouleZ]

I am not adopted, so my opinion is really irrelevant, but I said it anyway.

**************

I’m not adopted either but I sure used to fantasize that I was switched at birth.

I have a friend who is adopted and is mildly interested in finding her birth parents but she can’t because it would take an attorney to unseal the CA records and she is just busy raising her own kids now. Her parents are great BTW.

Last month I was on Ancestory.com and saw a msg naming my deceased brother as the biological father of a young man. I emailed him and sure enough, it’s true. He’s a nice young man and we are all glad to make the connection.

Three years ago I learned that my Uncle had an affair with his wifes SIL and had a son, who she and her husband raised. Then my Uncle and SIL kept at it and had yet another son but this one was put up for adoption. I submitted some DNA from a male family member to see if there’s a match from an adoptee if he’s out there looking but nothing yet.

I’ve got tons of these stories, as do most people, if they dig deep enough into family. Or maybe it’s just me. Hmmm,
if it’s just me, then maybe I was switched at birth.

[UCANSEE2]

From your description, I have no doubt they will have the best of opportunity in life.

You admit that you didn’t just lay out the entire truth to them at five years old, but are controlling it and giving them what they need, or what they can handle.

Going back to the article and my original statement that provoked some responses, compared to the benefits of being adopted into loving families that just couldn’t make the government cut, how important is the loss of their bio-parent info?

The whole point of gathering this ‘group’ is to use their group mindset to try and ‘fix’ something that happened a long time ago and cannot be fixed. Those who offer the ‘fix’ do so only to make some money.

I see that as a waste, and an added emotional burden for these ‘Cole babies’.