Silence and Your Wife

That Christian Website ^ | 12/02/2010 | Travis Main

[hawkins]

Ah... another thing not to say: "Having more than one pair of shoes is a waste."

[Responsibility2nd]

[GeronL]

For a second there I thought the title was “Silence Your Wife”...

I was wondering how many FReepers replied under their breaths “You can hear that from there?”

Then I re-read the title.

Communication is important, if she asks “Do I look fat in this?” always say NO. (remember, only fat makes people look fat :p, just don’t say that out loud)

[dfwgator]

[Vaquero]

...does it make my backside look big???

[null and void]

A woman always has the last word in any argument.

Anything the man says after that is the start of a new argument.

[HungarianGypsy]

By coincidence, by Tim Hawkins. When my children hear this tune of the original song, they automatically sing this version. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ3SC-gVvy0

[elcid1970]

If I’m just plain cruisin’ for a bruisin’ from my lovely I just say,

“If a man is standing in the forest and there’s no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?”

;^)

[hawkins]

I have tears in my eyes... sigh... Oh the trouble we get ourselves into...

[Oberon]

“Darling, does this outfit make me look fat?”

Once, in a fit of irritation at having been asked this question, I replied "Why would you blame the outfit?"

I also learned that, when one's beloved is unbuttoning her jeans, one shouldn't make intemperate references to opening a can of biscuits...

[stylin19a]

my wife was looking in a full length mirror and said:

“I have bags under my eyes and crows feet. I have laff lines around my mouth and my neck is getting to look like a chicken's. My breasts are heading south and so is my butt. I have varicose veins and bunions. My hair turned grey overnight. I'm not feeling too good about myself.
Please tell me something positive about myself. me”.

so I told her her eyesight is damned near perfect.

Doctor says I should be out of the cast in 3 months.

[crazyhorse691]

Never ever ever say to your wife “what does your dad see in your mom”. The subsequent Three days of frosty no speak will make you wish that a meteor will strike you. In my defense, I uttered it under my breath during one of my mother-in-laws manic attacks.

[crazyhorse691]

That’s a keeper.

[radiohead]

“I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I know it’d be OK.”

Priceless.

[mirkwood]

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started...

[momtothree]

I heard a family story of when my FIL got my MIL a vacuum for their anniversary. Not a pretty sight at all. What is so funny is he was flabbergasted that she was annoyed and kept saying, “But it is a really good vacuum”.

[hawkins]

You know, I thought it would be ok for me to skip Valentines day every year. I told my wife that I should be able to show her every day how much I care for her. I don’t need to buy her things on a commercial holiday. I told her it was my way of protesting. She didn’t buy it.

[andy58-in-nh]

You'll never win the Shoe Argument. Trust me, after almost 20 years of marriage, I am convinced that there simply two sets of rules involved when it comes to footwear. For men: one pair is fine, two is more than enough, and three is quite possibly excessive. For women: if there's still room on the closet floor, they simply must have, must have more.

As to the Landmine Questions that many married men come to fear, the trick is knowing, and memorizing, the perfect answer for each. For example:

She: (Sigh). "Does this dress make my butt look big?"

He: "Dear: you make that dress look beautiful".

And so forth, leading to a most welcome opportunity to go back to watching the football game, and perhaps, to a spot of fun later in the evening.

[hawkins]

Ha! Funny on the vacuum! My dad once bought my mother an 18 lb pipe wrench for her birthday. The year after she bought him a night gown and nail polish!

[21twelve]

I remember when we were dating I bought my to-be wife a fire extinguisher for her apartment. Hey - it’s red, and what says “I love you” more than thinking of her safety.

She says I also left a nice necklace in the refrigerator for her to find when I asked her to get me a beer - but I don’t remember that part. (Thank goodness SHE does!).