“Next, are you thinking at all about dating, marriage, children? I have a lot of female friends, and most of them have paired up and had kids, and while they have a lot to complain about, they do feel fulfilled, especially by their having had kids. The one friend I know of who feels terribly unfulfilled is a successful writer who has been published and everything, but no kids, just a live in boyfriend. SHE of all people, she who has MADE a mark in literature on the world, feels unfulfilled often, like her life has no meaning. So maybe there is something to this reproducing thing! :) (But I know having kids is not for everyone...)”
Interesting you mention writing. I tried to write a novel once....got about 1/3 done. About 30,000 words. I re-read it once and realized what utter fail it was. Still have it stored away somewhere, but my job does tend to sap all my creativity and energy. I have not motivation left by the end of the work day.
As for kids...I’m not dating. I’ve done only a little of it, ever, anyway. I don’t do well in groups of people I don’t know, especially when there are potentials for romantic interest. I just feel that I have more severe issues to work out before I inflict all of this on another person.
You’re a Christian, have you ever read Mere Christianity? C.S. Lewis has some interesting thoughts in there that I found helpful.
The first thing is to realize, that there *are* no ordinary people. You might think you are *just* a guy, but who do you think was a small time swiss patent clerk with a boring job who dabbled?
I have a challenge for you, today. Something small, something easy. Go to an all-you can eat chinese restaurant if there’s one nearby. Get what you want off their meal, but at the end of the meal, give the gal who’s got to clean the tables and the food a 20 dollar bill.
Just for doing her job. Ok. Tell me what kind of reaction you get.
James, I am a much older woman (68) and I have fought this sort of thing all my life. It comes and goes and no other person, not even God, makes the real difference. Basically, we are all alone inside our skulls, no matter what happens outside.
However, if you have the means, take a sabbatical and go on some excursions to places that fascinate you or to do things you wish you had done, but somehow haven’t, yet. If you don’t have the means, then set a monetary goal, save obsessively, and use that money to travel.
I was able to do that back 37 years ago. I am so glad I did! I was with someone I still am with and still love, but we also met so many interesting people. We discovered places and activities we loved and sharing that with others, in groups that were initially of strangers, was rewarding and fulfilling. After just a few days in this sort of situation, you are no longer in a group of folks you don’t know.
There are travel opportunities for young single people. Most last 3-4 weeks, IIRC, so it isn’t a huge commitment, either timewise or financially.
Is there a sport or activity you wish you could participate in? Take instruction and then tailor your excursion to that. For us, it was scuba. For my husband, now, it is sailing.
Take a look at the online forums for youth travel or for whatever you wish you could be doing. You will find out information, interact with others who are looking for the same sort of adventure and refine your goals in these pursuits.
Perhaps travel isn’t the thing for you. Perhaps you would be happier learning something totally new and different. Taking a 3-6 month course in whatever it might be would allow you to explore your own abilities, put you in situations where everyone is a newbie and open new pathways for the future. Maybe you would have to temporarily relocate to do this. A change of scenery and a change in the people around you might be a tonic, as well.
You know, sometimes writing fails the first 50 times. Sometimes it is because you haven’t gotten out of your rut or you don’t really know what you want to write about. Angst and ennui can be motivators, not just things that weigh you down. If you do decide to do something new and different, keep a journal. That way, you will have something concrete to use in writing after that venture is over.
You are very young, even if you don’t feel like it. This is the time of your life to gain experiences. With experiences, comes confidence. Go for it. From the sound of your post, you have little to lose, nothing to tie you down and everything to gain. The world is out there, waiting for you to find it. In doing so, you will find out a lot about yourself, you will grow and change and, at the very least, you will not just be sitting at your keyboard feeling as though life is passing you by. Instead, you will be out there living _your_ life, which is, of course, always a work in progress.
This writing thing is perculating in my mind. You are a writer - apparently a science fiction writer. No one with that calling can work in an exhausting job and then come home and write. I know! I tried it and it didn’t work. I was lucky and met a nice guy who said: stay home and write. I did and through his support began to get better and better. (The first novel is never very good, by the way - and if it is, it’s usually the ONLY book the writer turns out, lol! With exceptions, of course.) So, until you have a support system, think about taking a writing course in your free time. Allow yourself to be as bad a writer as you can be - don’t judge yourself. So many actors, playwrights and writers started out as very bad artists but grew. At 29, you have lots of time to improve, lol!
And, remember, you seem to have many friends on FR!