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I really, really want to like this. I do. You've got a great voice, the whole Bridezilla outlandish wedding thing is ripe for skewering, and there is a ton of potential in this piece... but.

Parts of this are good to go as written, parts need to be re-written, and some parts just need to be scrapped outright.
Good news: Your structure is perfect. You lay out your grievance, you make your case point-by-point, you've got a good kicker on the end. This is the beginning of what could become a good, sell-able piece.

Bad news: It seems like you're going for sassy and catty but you're missing it. Instead, you're in the Bitch Zone. This is not a bad thing; if that's your niche, that's your niche.

Really the big problem with this is that when you've got a rant like this--and I've done rants. They're fun to read, they're fun to write, and you can really work out some of that anger you've got, but with a rant like this you need to be the voice of authority. You must be unassailable. You gotta grab your reader by the ears and force them to see that what you are saying is the unimpeachable TRUTH.

But you can't do that until you have where you're coming from. You're 24? Come at it like a 24-year-old would. The trick with an opinion piece is to get people to feel like you're saying what they're thinking even though you're busy convincing them of something they disagree with. It's called "persuasive" for a reason.

You're good at being the sassy friend, but don't go so hard into the Bitch Zone.

Take this: f you're a good bride, I've got my bridesmaid's flask by now

I know everyone here was hoping to get some good booze

we should all be sitting in an AA meeting

And then you shoot yourself in the foot with: couldn't you not imbibe once?

This is a problem for two reasons: 1., Not drinking at a wedding is something you do when you're the flower girl, and B., You can't crow about your own love of booze and then turn around and expect the bride to go without. Who are you writing this for, the Women's Christian Temperance Union Monthly? This is the Bitch Zone. If you're going to undercut your own argument, cut it altogether.

Re-reading the piece, you're at your strongest when you're puncturing the "It's MY SPECIAL DAY I AM A PRETTY PRETTY PRINCESS" pretentiousness of the overblown ceremony. Stick with that.

Miscellaneous: If you MUST talk about the white dress thing, do your homework. White dresses have only been used since Queen Victoria's wedding made it The Thing To Do. Use *that* to make your argument. Someone else in the thread made the point that white hasn't symbolized virginity in generations. Use *that* to make your argument.

Exorcise, not exercise. Be more "common-sense," point out that what they're doing is illogical, not morally bankrupt. For the love of God, don't introduce the fact that you work at Hooters.

I could go on but this is already pretty lengthy.