I have four well put together adoptive kids. Adopted at birth, privately through and agency.
However dont think that for one minute that genetics and bio parent history is not a factor in adoption/
For the most part, those adopting a child or infant from the state are in for a lifetime of casework management. State kids are often from mentally ill parents. And the state lies about the child’s backgrounds. Years in adoptive support groups have made me very leery of state adoptions. I know a couple of people who have disrupted adoptions. Sad but necessary.
I worked with a woman in her early thirties who had been adopted, she was physically gorgeous, exceptionally intelligent and very capable on the job, doing things that most women didn’t want to touch because of physical demands and technical problems. She was also unreliable to the extreme, you never knew whether she would come to work or not and was finally let go because of her unreliability. One week she missed the night shift for which she was scheduled because she claimed to be sick. I worked the day shift the next day and was amazed to see her come in at eight in the morning to pick up her paycheck looking as if she just stepped off the cover of Vogue. She was wearing an evening dress, high heels and a ton of makeup.
I met her father once and he told me that he and his wife had adopted a boy and a girl, he said that when the adopted son enters a room it is like the sun rising, he radiates joy and happiness but the daughter with whom I worked was the exact opposite.