Posted on 09/02/2011 6:02:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Robot Bartender
A guy goes into a bar, there’s a robot bartender.
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini.”
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “172”.
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...
So he goes back into the bar.
The robot bartender says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini.”
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “100.”
The robot then starts to talk about Football, Budweiser and Reality TV.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, “What will you have?”
The guy says, “Martini,” and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “Uh, about 53”.
The robot leans in real close and says,...............
“So, you still happy you voted for Obama?”
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk. At least I presume she was poor -- she only had $1.20 in her purse.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
Do you think the illmatic’s on Twitter? Oh please, let it be so.
The only definition I could find for illmatic was a rap album. Help.
Happy Friday!
Here’s the little poem I wrote for the Word of the Day:
The petulant king and choleric queen
wanted to rest for a while.
So they flew to the beach
taking one airplane each
but nothing could get her to smile.
“Give me more stuff!”
she screamed in a huff
as the servants went fleeing in fear.
“You’ll do what I say!”
“I’ll have things my way!”
while the king meekly sipped at his beer.
He left for a round,
not making a sound,
in hopes of avoiding her gaze.
“I’ll have a quick game
to help keep me sane”
since her ranting had gone on for days.
“This place brings me joy”
thought the sorry king boy
as he lined up to take his next shot.
Then the earth shook (what? what!)
and he just missed his putt
(though that happened more often than naught).
No one could tell him it wasn’t the queen
who made the earth shake and ruffled the green.
“She must have some magic, be some kind of witch!”
“Damn her!” he cried
“I’m stuck with that bitch!”
My hat is off to you in respect.
OMG that would be great!!
Maybe we should start it. What do you think kiddos? We have a tech-savvy guy here.
That is great! Love it...
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
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