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I’m going to take her gun shopping this winter. I’m sure we’ll find something that’ll fit.

This thread inspired me to try to get through to my son what we were dealing with.

I first had him hold the gun naturally, then place his finger on the trigger guard instead of the trigger. (This caused his finger to touch exactly where mine hits the trigger) He automatically shifted his grip to reach, so now the kick would be absorbed by the thumb instead of the wrist. (Injury)

I pointed this out to him and had him readjust the gun properly and once again try to put his finger on the guard. He couldn’t do it. My daughter and I have no choice but to shift our grip. That makes the whole set-up more unstable. You can’t manage the recoil as well which is why many women don’t like the larger caliber weapons.

This shift in grip also throws off your aim. Instead of locking your wrist nice and straight, you have to turn it in slightly. Now your wrist is even more unstable.

Add all of that awkwardness to the extra weight and you’ve got a trembling hand.

Before he got home, I did the calculations and figured out that the weight of the lighter revolver to me would feel about the same as the light revolver plus the heavier .38 special to him. I had him hold the two guns and tried to get him to feel the weight while trying to reach the trigger guard.

He tried to show me how I could still fire if I switched up my stance and shot two-handed.

I wanted to bang my head on the counter. “Yes, son. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll tell my attacker to stop kicking me in the head and give me a minute to stand up so I can achieve the proper two-handed stance and shoot him. That’ll work.”

It took all of that, but I think he’s starting to get it.

There are plenty of good autos out there too so she should not limit her looking to revolvers. I usually recommend the following.
First, use the proper grip. It sounds like you know what that is but here is the short version:
—Make an L with yoru thumb and pointer finger.
—Put the back strap of the gun in that L with it bisecting the angle (45 degrees on each side)
—Bring ONLY your trigger finger around and place it where it should be on the trigger (between the meaty part of the tip and the first joint, closer to the meaty part)
—Now wrap the rest of your hand around the grip.
—Be sure to focus on squeezing the grip from the front and back, not just putting pressure on the sides. You could actually have air under the middle of your hand and still have a great grip.
As you stated, this grip gets the recoil right into your palm and then wrist.

-Go some place with a good selection (gun show or big store) and try out EVERY grip.
-Don’t limit what you try by brand, caliber or ‘action’.
-Be sure to try more than one caliber of a given type. For example a S&W M&P is available in 3 calibers and each one fits the hand differently.
-If it comes with interchange able back straps, try the other sizes.
If, like a revolver, you can replace the whole grip, try some of the different aftermarket grips.
-Then, DON'T buy. Pick out the top 3 or 4 models that fit your hand.
-Go home and research those models. But don't believe everything you read.
-If possible rent or try some of them out. Keep in mind if you try a model in one caliber, that does not mean you might not like it better or worse if it was a different caliber.
-Don’t assume you prefer one caliber over another based on just one gun. There are a lot of variable that make things ‘feel’ different.
-Some people are very texture sensitive. Remind them that a grip will break in, but also be sensitive if they just can't stand the texture of a certain grip.

I don't know revolvers all that well but here are a few autos that I have taught women on and gotten good feedback about.
M&P 9mm
Springfield XD 9mm
Bersa Thunderer 380
Walter P22

There are a lot of good little guns out there. Don't let anyone give you tunnel vision on a particular caliber, brand, or action type.